THE HUSTLER’s POSTERCHILD

May 10th, 2006

starkyluv

As much as PATRICK EWING was the superstar of the 90’s Knick teams, CHARLES OAKLEY and JOHN STARKS were the heart and soul.

JOHN was just a simple ‘Bama boy from Tulsa, Oklahoma. He wasn’t drafted by any NBA teams after his college career and he was languishing back in Tulsa bagging groceries as a supermarket clerk. But JOHN was a hustler in the true sense of the word and he had a dream of playing professional basketball. NBA scouts spotted JOHN during a stint in the Continental Basketball Association and he was signed by the Golden State Warriors. It was in 1990, when JOHN brought his played out flat-top haircut, his ‘Bama accent and his insurmountable well of energy to the New York Knicks that he took over this city. MICHAEL JORDAN ruled the NBA and he loved to PWNED! the Knicks PATRICK EWING. All the rest of the Knicks were cowed in deference to JORDAN except crazy JOHN STARKS.

People will always talk about that 7th game of the 1994 Finals where JOHN shot only 2 for 18 from the field. What most people don’t remember about that game was that the rest of the Knicks squad were the ones that choked up. OLAJUWON turned EWING into a church mouse with his dazzling efficiency in the paint. The way OTIS THORPE was grabbing boards made OAKLEY look like a tree, or better yet a bump on a log. The only Knick that had any heart left was the streaky STARKS. I ain’t mad at’cha JOHN. Plus, do you remember the STARKS headbutt on REGGIE MILLER?!? Classic shit homies.

Dig this YouTube retrospective on your boy STARKY LOVE.

HALLE BERRY = STORM = WTF??!!??

May 10th, 2006

video ho storm

The ‘X-Men’ movies have been well written and well cast up to this post. But I was so upset that the producers chose HALLE BERRY to portray one of the team’s strongest and most important characters. HALLE BERRY makes STORM look like a video ho instead of a goddess. Her acting in the role has been weak and indescisive. She has given STORM the persona of a flimsy chick that isn’t built for the rough stuff.

What were these fucktards thinking about instead of casting the ‘Chocolate Truth’? ANGELA BASSETT is everything in reality that HALLE BERRY can’t be even in a fantasy world. Remember when ANGELA BASSETT took that azz whuppin’ from Morpheus? And then he still had enough in her tank to turn out TAYE DIGGS.

chocolate truth

The STORM character is a grown ass woman. She becomes the team leader when Cyclops resigns and she is essentially the strongest member until Jean Grey gets turned out by the M’Kraan crystal. STORM is so bad she doesn’t even take shit from crazy 7-thirty Wolverine.

days of future past

That’s the kind of confidence you get from growing up in Africa. Y’all know how fucked up Africa is for kids. You better be strong willed if you are going to survive over there. Even though STORM was super powerful she wasn’t all dyked out. She had a softness to her. a lipstick lesbian sensibility if you will permit me to say.

storm

Maybe STORM would choose women over men, but I ain’t hating her for that since I do too.

storm

STEVIE WONDER TRIBUTE PARTY THIS SATURDAY

May 10th, 2006

stevie

You don’t want to miss this event. It’s going down something serious Saturday night.

More details at KeiStar Productions website.

Message To L-BREEZE: It’s The Shoes!

May 9th, 2006

dwntwn cleve

I suggest to L-BOOGIE that he should switch up the zapatos if he doesn’t want to get swept by the re-incarnated Bad Boys.

l-breeze af1s

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: SNOWMAN & THE LEADER

May 8th, 2006

pinky and the brain

I don’t normally run with a bit that is not already within the readership’s wheelhouse, but this one comes to us via one of the most decorated vets of the internets(nullus to that rhyme).

snow man

When we first met TONY SNOW we gave him a resemblance to one of Superman’s favorite bad guys, Brainiac. [insert Superman movie link here] Just then COMBAT JACK reminded us about the Hulk’s arch-enemy The Leader. The backstory for the character is that this dude was a high school dropout who worked at a chemical plant handling wild toxic sh!t that spilled on him and gave him the gamma ray effect that your man Hulk got. The gamma radiation made The Leaders brain swell disproportionately to his body giving him an oversized head(have you said nullus yet?).

As an aside, I remember when S.W. and I worked the night shift at this plant making circuit boards. You took a test and the company placed you in the department that best suited your mental and motor skills. I got to sit in the lab and operate this precision machinery while S_DUBBZ had to work in the smelting area. Ol’ boys hairline been doing the lean back ever since. But I digress…

The funny fly shit abouth the gamma radiation is that it takes your best attributes and reverses them, while it oversizes the characteristics that you lack. Bruce Banner was a wimpy physicist who turned into a brainless brute. The Leader is a bum ass janitor who morphs into a diminutive genius.

leader

I’m bugging out on how the shape of The Leader’s head has also changed. Let me just say nullus to this whole post.

leader

DP.COM will send free shit to anyone who gives me the ancient video clip intro from the old Incredible Hulk cartoon. Fuck it, free shit to whomever can recite the lyrics.