DEF JAM Needs a New T.I. Boss

March 2nd, 2006

starks

I can’t imagine that LYOR COHEN would have kept the new IRONMAN album on the shelf this long since it is prah’lee the most eagerly anticipated album for this year (or second next to RAE’s O.B.F.C.L.2 project).

eSKay from NAH’RIGHT.COM might be the most powerful person on the blogosphere when it comes to Hip-Hop so I am asking dude now to send a message to JOE CAMEL and that other guy that wears the beaded slippers to get on their grizzly and drop this album before all the white kids download it.

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

March 2nd, 2006

the dirty pair

Introducing the ultra-exclusive DALLASPENN.COM ‘Dirty Pair’ NIKE Dunk

dp

dp

dp

DALLASPENN.COM Cares About Young Girls

March 2nd, 2006

sasha baron cohen

I was thinking about running a feature called ‘Shorty of the Month’ where my female readers would send me a few photos to post and a little bio about themselves. I have been too lazy to start that up even though some pretty hot chicks have signed on. Maybe the INTERN could find some time to add that to his list of things to do.

Anyhoo, these pictures hit my InBox from a chain e-mail that said that the girl pictured has been missing since February 9th, 2006. The parent thinks that her child may have even made it to NYC (gasp?!?). I don’t know why anyone hasn’t checked R.KELLY’s home yet. That’s where a lot of them go after they get their MySpace account. Off to party with the R.

Since the mother in the e-mail didn’t leave a name for her daughter we here at the website are calling her ‘DEE GEE’ and she is the subject of our newest feature…

DEAD GIRL OF THE MONTH CLUB

If you see DEE GEE in your hood contact your local authorities.

dee gee

dee gee

dee gee

dee gee

The Kufi Slaps Will Continue…

March 1st, 2006

jim jones

I am pretty smart, but maybe not as bright as I might like to believe since I am a college dropout WITHOUT a recording contract. So maybe that is why I can’t figure out the situation in Iraq. Potato, potatoe, tomato, tomatoe, Shiite, Sunni, let’s call the whole thing off.

The charasmatic leader that kept all those crazy arabs from killing each other and everybody else is in a kangaroo courtroom while Iraq teeters on the brink of some kind of majestic civil war. I say majestic because these guys have access to all kinds of U.S. and European made armaments that are the best at wreaking collateral damage. I had never heard of ‘friendly fire’ until U.S. troops began merc’king each other. These arabs are going door to door with rocket launchers like they were Girl Scout cookies. Tangentially speaking, I like the Samoas.

So who are the bad guys that I need to be mad with? Who are the arabs that Congress is going to use my social security money to arm disarm? It’s all so GOD damn confusing.

Did I say that I like Samoas?

samoa

U.S.A. – 15, CASTRO – 0

March 1st, 2006

welcome back

This was a nice story coming out of Florida that said that a federal juge ruled that 15 Cuban Mexican evacuees refugees that reached an abandoned bridge in Florida may return to the U.S. It turns out that because of a technicality these folks had actually reached U.S. soil, but since the bridge is inactive the Coast Guard said ‘no dice’.

This is good for mainly one reason. Atlanta, GA needs some Cuban Mexicans. There are already plenty of Mexican Mexicans building all the new housing and staffing the Chili’s restaurants, but there aren’t any Cuban Mexicans or Dominican Mexicans opening food joints that sell their particular style of ethnic cuisine. I can’t tell you how much I miss my pork fried plantains or just my double fried pork proucts.

I think a cool name for a Cuban Mexican restaurant would be “ELIAN’s”