STEVE JOBS MIGHT BE A HERMAPHRODYTE…

January 6th, 2009

apple

During one of my less than illustrious stints in the halls of higher learning I was fortunate enough to be in a class taught by an adjunct professor. Dude was the motherfucking illest white dude evar in the history of evar. He even looked just like that image of the white Jesus. He had a wild hippy beard and this gaunt face that looked like he was about to be crucified and he was down with it like, “Whatever is whatever”.

I say he was the illest because he was down to have real serious discussions of hallucinogenic drugs and their possible benefits, but also the truth about their abuse. He told us that the window would get opened, but also that the window would be shut and depending on which side we were on would determine if we could ever function again. It was crazy shit peoples especially since I was going in hardbody on acid and a lot of other shit back in those days.

One of my favorite lessons from the professor was the significance of the apple throughout humanity. The allegorical power of the fruit is beyond belief and almost beyond humanity itself. When the apple is cut along its equator you will ALWAYS see the pentagram array of seeds.

apple

Since ancient times this has been referred to as the star of knowledge. This is why he have the tradition of the student gifting the teacher with an apple as well as the biblical allegory of the apple inside the garden of Eden. The pentagram man that DaVinci illustrated is inspired from the belief that man was created on the fifth day. There is some powerful shit going on inside of the apple.

apple

It doesn’t stop there though boys and girls it gets more freakier, as it should. When the apple is sliced longitudinally you find the description of the woman.

The professor cut the apple in half in the other direction and I will swear to you that shit looked like the sweetest cunt I ever saw. That is why every time I hear the word cunt my mouth starts to water. How could a cunt NOT taste good. Damn you Eve!

apple

The professor’s lesson for the day was that GOD could create shit so perfect and delicious and life sustaining with both man and woman reflected inside of it. Why do humans think they have any clue what GOD is about when at most they are barely half of the whole picture?

STEVE JOBS had a press release that he was suffering from a hormone imbalance and that was why he had been losing weight. He’s getting some hormone treatments so his shit should be back up[ll] by the spring. Apple’s stock bumped up a few points with this news since there had been rampant speculation concerning JOBS non-appearance for Macworld 2009.

It’s my honest opinion that STEVE JOBS is a hermaphrodyte and he is busy having the mark of the beast removed from his flesh. Everyone thinks that the leviathan of armageddon will be unleashed through IBM. Nahh party peoples, it will come from the apple.

DP Dot Com BONUS BEATS:

YouTube just deleted my video titled ‘Apple Store Computer Love’ where I take a trip into the retail side of Apple Computing. Kindly put an emphasis on the latter syllable of reTAIL.

The classic lives on though thanks to TERRENCE ELENTENY.

Computer Love from Terrence on Vimeo.

Comic Book Club: Live

January 6th, 2009

peter david

Comic Book Club hosts writer/creator PETER DAVID tonight.

Chocolate Snowflake and I were going to go see ‘The Spirit’ for free on her Optimum Rewards card but I have decided to splurge out and spend the $10 for the both of us to listen to the creator of Fallen Angel discuss whatever comes to his mind. I’m hoping to glean something of the motivational techniques that successful writers use to break through to the other side.

Plus I fux with PETER DAVID. He had a monster two year run on X-Factor that was really nails.

Here’s the details if you are interested and in Manhattan this evening…

COMIC BOOK CLUB
A Live Weekly Talk Show about Comic Books

Hosted by Justin Tyler, Pete LePage, and Alex Zalben

Tuesday, January 6th @ 8:00 PM

Featuring:
Peter David (Fallen Angel, She-Hulk, X-Factor)

Tickets: $5
Online: ThePIT-NYC.com
Phone: 1-800-838-3006
Questions? 212-563-7488

The Peoples Improv Theater
154 West 29th Street, 2nd Floor
Between 6th and 7th Aves

peter david

Twitter HaXorz Go Biggtime…

January 6th, 2009

twitter monkey

Twitter is shitting on the blogosphere. I can create a drop(post) using 140 characters including spaces and punctuation. That’s already less characters than I’ve used in this post so far. It is effectually microblogging and it is rumbling across the internets like a stampede of wild rhinoceratti. Twit with me @ DP2FTV.

I love that shit, but it was already showing signs of dying by virtue of popularity. The fact that people are Twitting while working, driving, eating, and even while sleeping has added to the streams of inanity insanity. Who the fuck cares what you just ate for lunch? Oh, avocado salad? That sounds tasty. Man, fuck that shit! And now some haXorz have infiltrated the Twitter database and taken over the accounts of celebrities.

Here are some of the Twitter entries that the haXorz posted…

FOX FOX News
“Breaking: Bill O Riley is gay”

cnn sanchez CNN’s RICK SANCHEZ
“i am high on crack right now might not be coming into work today”

britney BRITNEY SPEARS
“Hi Yall! Brit Brit here, just wanted to update you on the size of my vag”

I need some haXorz to take over this site, but I need them to post content about sneakers, comic books and the best places to leave deuces in NYC. Then I can finally get some sleep at night.

2 Late 4 Detox…

January 5th, 2009

dr dre jr

If you asked your average rap music fan in between the ages of 28yo and 35yo what is the album they anticipate the most I bet the answer would be ‘Detox’ from Dr. Dre. I’m not even hypothesizing that answer. I know this for a fact. It has only been talked about for the last seven years. The question has been what is taking so long for this album to be released?

There have been some hiccups and roadblocks in front of the arrival of this album. None greater than the death of Dr. Dre’s eldest child from what has been ruled an accidental drug overdose. In this particular case, detox certainly did not arrive on time. The irony of the album’s projected title should be lost on no one. But I believe that from this tragedy we will receive a landmark musical lesson from Dr. Dre.

KanYe West found a way to condense the pain he felt inside and deliver what was prA’li the best hip-pop album of all time. Filled with passion, rhymes, new wave synth grooves, vocoder vocal pitch tricks, hissy bitch fits and just generally all around G.O.O.D. music. What do you think a producer of Dr. Dre’s caliber could do if he released the same amount of raw emotion that KanYe exuded? I think he could make an album that might cause a lot of heads to overdose the day it is leaked.

Think about how many of you switched your swagger up because of Dre’s influence? That is the power of music. It shapes how you view the world and you place inside of it. It tells you to wear a black hoody or to sk8board down the street. It teaches you how to speak to one another and how to treat one another. Music is that powerful in its ability to socialize us all. The best musicians are teachers and the best teachers and music lovers. You can not separate the two.

I hope that when Dr. Dre finally releases the ‘Detox’ album he chooses to include all the lessons he has learned from his time spent making music. The friends he has had to watch come into his leave and then abruptly leave without affording him the chance to say goodbye. None of these losses greater than that of Andre Young Jr. who wanted nothing more than to make music that influenced people just like his father. You will never get the pain from loss out of your blood system. You can only hope to make some music to give you a brief detox.

dr dre jr

Who Has The Emperor’s New Clothes?

January 5th, 2009

bill rich

If you thought that president-elect OBAAMA was going to waltz into the White House you were sadly mistaken. It seems that he is being chipped away from his support base even before his first day on the job. Now another state Governor finds himself embroiled in a money scandal. The Mexican governor of New Mexico (where else?!?) BILL RICHARDSON has withdrawn his name from consideration of the cabinet position in the new administration because of a Federal investigation into the contracts issued by his state to a campaign supporter.

The problem that I have seen with Governor BLAGOJEVICH and now Governor RICHARDSON is that neither of them are working on big money kickbacks. A million dollars is chump change compared to the hunderds of billions that are being sent to the banking institutions to keep them happy. The governors are selling themselves out for less than pennies on the dollar. Even the automakers are asking for upwards of fifty billions dollars to rescue their flailing enterprises and these toupee topped governors are looking like boxcar hobos. If our culture still wore hats these dudes would have them in their hands turned upside down.

All of these scandals make me nervous to wonder what skeletons OBAAMA has buried in his closet. We all know that he still puffs on the squares. And we have all heard the jailhouse stories about what some men will do when they have been denied a cigarette for a certain amount of time.

*shudders at the thought*