HO SIT DOWN!

November 21st, 2007

j.d.

Not that HO, but that OTHER ho…

Everyone of you readers MUST read the following Huffington Post blog entry by JERMAINE DUPRI. This is required reading for those of you who want a reason to justify why people should illegally download music. It is spoken in the earnest voice of someone who has no connection whatsoever to the consumer base that has supported the record industry all along.

To hear J.D. tell it, the consumer was better when they were more easily manipulated into purchasing whole albums simply because of their desire for one single track. JERMAINE claims that the current system which enables consumers to preview an entire album and purchase only the worthwhile singles from iTunes is ruining the industry. Seriously, read this idiot’s shit.

A Good Album is More than Just a Collection of Singles

Someone called this shit best over at XXLmag dot com by saying that JERMAINE is one of those slaves that thinks he is sick because his master has a cold. The record industry model needed to be scrapped ten years ago. What sickens me is that J.D. still uses his cache as a producer to speak as if he is more artist than entrepreneur. The reason why the public decided to support the iTunes model is because artists weren’t submitting complete albums. Or their labels weren’t publishing their music as such.

rap pack

J.D. describes JAY-Z’s demand to not sell ‘American Gangster’ via iTunes as the shot in the industry’s arm to revitalize them and remind the people at Apple who is really the boss when selling music is concerned. Pahh! Just try to sell another JANET JACKSON album without iTunes, or a MICHAEL JACKSON album for that matter. No one will risk going in on purchasing an entire album from either of these icons without damn near every track first being leaked. The record industry killed their golden egg laying goose and now they want to blame everyone and everything else but themselves. How about releasing a complete fucking album from an artist?

When you listen to a record like ‘Graduation’ you recognize the care placed into the development of every song on the album. You may not like every track but it is obvious to me that KANYE WEST spent his time trying to make every song personal and separate as an individual statement. In the best reality a great album IS in fact a collection of singles that play independently and individually of the larger collection.

When artists return to examining and exploring their artform is when the public will return to consuming their journey in its entirety. Let’s see if JERMAINE can make a JANET JACKSON worth listening to instead of trying to give her the sound of an aging BRITNEY SPEARS(who mind you, was actually just a bootlegg JANET from the gate anyhoo). In the meantime J.D., sit the eff down.

t.i.

cRap Music Fantasy League Q4 Update Wk.8

November 21st, 2007

jay

At the beginning of this quarter I think I said that this would be the time for the big dogs to come out and play. cRap music blue chippers reign supreme in the Q4. Jay-Z has all the momentum of a runaway train similar to T.I. when he had both an album in stores (‘King’) and a feature film in theatres (‘A.T.L.’). What the hell has become of the world when CHARLIE ROSE has to sit down with Shawn Carter and call him by his stage name? This is why we created the cRap Music Fantasy League in the first place. You never really know what the fuck is going to happen in cRap music.

Speaking of T.I., or Tip, or whatever character he is acting as now. T.I. is the king of southern rap and he is a blue chip cRap music prospect. You will get your points from him no matter how shitastic his records are. And ‘T.I. vs. Tip’ was totally Top 10 shitastic. Diddy is in the top 5 of artists scoring totals for the cMFL and he hasn’t even released a record in over a year. Diddy does what it do to get his label owners their cMFL points. From punching out friends in the club to attracting more lawsuits than the GEICO lizard, Diddy is the definition of a blue chip artist. By any means necessary, he gets points.

Here’s a breakdown of the current cMFL scoreboard…

Krack Ko Kaine Entertainment 8450
Incilin Productions 8125
Gain Green Records 7650
WindBreaker Records 7625
America Done Fell Off Records 7525
WDISL Records 7075
Funk Town Records 7025
All Starz Entertainment 6925
Gunshine State Music 6400
The Nappy Ram Affiliates 6300
CRap-A-lot Records 6000
Open Cannister Recordz 6000
North Star Records 5950
Bang 2 Dis Entertainment 5925
Jesus Slap Boxers 5850
Candyland Records 5825
Pretty Dollar Entertainment 5600
Berries & Cream Records 5550
Fantasy Records 5500
Beat Break Records 5425
WTF Records 5400
329 Music 5375
Bodega Inc 5250
Media Whore Records 5025
Bottlenecks Records 4600
NYC Records 4575
DubbleUp Entertainment 4450
Combat Jack Records 4325
SayDatNuccaName Wreckids 4300
MIP Records 4100
Solutions Global Media 4075
Fuckin Sellout Records 4050
Vagina Crusher Records 4000
Talent Show Entertainment 3800
Barely Literate Entertainment 3775
Death On Arrival Records 3750
Mental Calisthenics 3450
Brick Productions 3300
New Black Money Records 3225
The Block Is Hot Music Group 3100
ASE Records 3000
Detroit In Dis Bitch Records 2275
County Of Kings Records 2250
BLZ Records 2150
Know The Limit Records 1400
Six Feet Deep Promotions 225

So you ask me what the keys are to winning the DP Dot Com cRap Music Fantasy League?

  • You should pick at least four (4) blue chip artists. The types of cRappers that stay in the news for doing shit. Whether it’s beating the shit out of nail salon technicians or starting a business of low cost lawyers for hire to defend people when they get arrested. Blue chippers stay in the news for everything that they do, and occasionally some of them even rap.
  • jay

    Peep the pie chart above. Out of the 45 cRap Music Fantasy League label owners only two(2) did NOT select JAY-Z. What were they thinking?

  • KanYe West wasn’t nearly as popular a Q4 selection as JAY-Z, but ‘Ye Tudda remains a blue chip point scorer. GQ Man Of The Year, 1.5m sold for ‘Graduation’, awards shows and all kinds of Hollywood shit.
  • 18 of the 45 labels chose KanYe West and right now he is the second highest point scorer in the cMFL behind T.I. KanYe will be the difference between the winners and the whiners in this quarter’s pool.

    ye tudda

  • The way you win the cRap Music Fantasy league is by picking one or two dark horse cRappers that come from the back of the ranks to score unexpected points.
  • Remember in Q3 when Remy Ma bust that cap in her weedcarrier’s gut? That is the type of shit that will put a label owner over the top. This quarter’s money boss dark horse is Common Sense. He has major motion pictures coming to theatres along with marketing and merchandising arrangements. Who knows, ‘Finding Forever’ might just go platinum too? Mo’ money, mo’ money.

    com sense

    The only thing about Common is that only two labels picked him so if Common goes on a point scoring spree 43 of the cMFL label owners will be left out. Common Sense might be the difference for whoever winds up prevailing in the cRap Music Fantasy League.

    Curbing My Enthusiasm…

    November 20th, 2007

    curb

    Exactly one year ago I begged you to boycott all SEINFELD related projects after the implosion of his latently racist co-star MICHAEL RICHARDS.

    Now that the year is up I am ceasing my SEINFELD moratorium. This means that I can go see ‘Bee Movie’ with C.S. this weekend and resume watching what was television’s funniest show evar.

    ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ is from the genius of the SEINFELD show’s co-creator LARRY DAVID. It is setup as a faux reality show following the travails of this man who left all the success of a hit television sitcom to settle into a normal life with his wife. LARRY DAVID’s life is anything but normal and week after week the show highlights the outrageous nueroses(sp) of the man the George Costanza character was derived from.

    Guest stars portray themselves as LARRY DAVID’s real-life friends and oftentimes real-life nemeses as they try to contend with this insufferably selfish nebbish. No one could be as annoying as LARRY DAVID is and live to tell the story. Lucky for dude that he is so damn funny.

    In one season of the show we watch as LARRY DAVID exhausts every single friendship and marker of goodwill he has in Hollywood while he and some other television stars try to open a restaurant. At every turn LARRY does something inadvertant to delay the grand opening of the eatery. Finally, LARRY chooses the chef to his liking, or more likely the only one in L.A. that will accomodate his constant kvetching.

    The only problem however is the chef suffers from Turret’s Syndrome and is prone to profanity. With an open kitchen that is viewable and audible from all the restaurant’s patrons how will LARRY DAVID respond if and when his head chef explodes with expletives?



    In another NSFW episode, LARRY DAVID does some ghostwriting for guest star WANDA SYKES new gangsta rapper boyfriend, Krayzee Eyes Killa.



    Shout to iFux for the assist on this drop.

    The Reasons Why 50 CENT Will Still Kill by MAXINE

    November 20th, 2007

    fisty

    If you haven’t seen the video below, you only need to watch the first 45 seconds or so to get the point of this drop

    This will be the funniest drop of the week. I’m laughing already. It’s just that damn funny!!! Ha-ha, ha, ha ha ha-ha! What we have is the latest music video from Hip Hop’s very own Macduff, Curtis ‘50Cent’ Jackson, featuring the only illegal alien who doesn’t have to carry an ID, Akon.

    The music video starts with Fifty and his weedcarriers in tow, chanting the mantra heard round the world, “I get money, I-I get, I-I [money] get, I [money] I-I get money”, or however the fuck it goes, before cutting to what appears to be a maximum security prison with big ass dog bowls of… cereal? Akon and Fifty are the prisoners!! I’ll break it down for you. They went from being celebrities to prisoners, because they’ll ‘still kill’. [Wipes eyes from tears of laughter]

    It seems as though Fifty and Akeezy aren’t the only ones who will still kill. You see, the Pennsylvania Department of Correction commisioned this study of PV’s versus PS’s. That’s Parole Violators and Parole Successes for all of you who don’t speak Inmate-ese. Can you believe I read all sixty-seven motherfucking pages when all I needed to do was to throw on my copy of ‘Curtis’? [I’m cracking up over here!]

    For a variety of reasons, 60 percent of all Black parolees are violated within less than a year of release. Holy shit! Over half of ex convicts ‘will still kill’? I didn’t know that. Thank goodness this video is Jam of the Week! [Oh come on, that was funny right?! You cats at DP dot com have no sense of humor].

    “I got a arsenal, an infantry I’m built for this mentally”
    Surprise, surprise, a combined percentage of crimes amongst PV’s involving weapons as the controlling offense is well over 35 percent. You don’t have to take my word for it, Curtis tells you! It’s right there in the lyrics! Hey you fucking consumers, it’s not just the T.I.’s making money off this rap catastrophe. Lawyers are caking like crazy too.

    fisty

    “Ain’t nuttin change still holla at my homies/Ohh and when I hit the block I still will kill”
    PV’s are significantly more likely to maintain relationships with friends who had a criminal past. You don’t really believe that ‘birds of a feather’ bullshit do you? I mean, we don’t have any real evidence that Curtis, or Akon for that matter have ever killed anyone!!! [Ha-ha!] Get it? In order for them to ‘still kill’ they would first have to kill someone! That’s what weedcarriers are for, keep smilin’, keep shinin’.

    “Niggaz know, if not they better check my background”
    About 1.5 million convicted felons have completed their sentences and still do not have the right to vote! You didn’t expect Curtis to know that did you? How could he? He isn’t even from one of the 14 states that severely restrict or even prohibit onetime prisoners from casting ballots. Damn right they better check your background. It’s not like all ex-felons can’t vote. In states where they can vote, the process of restoring rights is seen by some as cumbersome and confusing. All this time, I thought rights were something you inherently have, not something you acquire! More excuses, poor technology? Bullshit, 1,086,910 people bought Fifty’s last album and we all know he’s tired of using technology-ology-gy [Ha ha ha, motherfucking ha! I’m DYING over here, can you hear me?!?!?]

    It is not fucking fair to say that only unrealistic post-release expectations play a factor in success or failure of a parolee! Fif got shot nine times and lived! Talk about unrealistic expectations! You mean to tell me, after five or more years in prison, upon release, cats don’t feel prepared to face issues like money management, drug and alcohol problems, finding a job, and keeping a job? Getting shot 9 times and making millions or going back to the same environment that got you locked up in the first place, any takers? Fuck that, don’t talk to me about unrealistic expectations. LOSERS! [Whooooo!! Forbes 1.2.3 remember?]

    fisty

    “Put my back on the wall nigga watch me go for mine.”
    Parole Violators reported illegal or criminal behavior as an acceptable solution to problems, well who fucking doesn’t? The NYPD is the most shining example of handling problems that need to get dealt with. If you’re going for a hairbrush, you’re fucked.[Oh DAMN! Maxine, you’re killing em out there! Ha ha haha haha]

    Seriously, why aren’t you laughing? This is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while. Don’t take responsibility for what you do and say, it’s just entertainment right? [Ha-ha] It’s supposed to tell a story [*chuckle*]. This is not everyone’s reality right? [ha] Lighten up. Why.Aren’t.You.Laughing? I’m laughing so hard [hahahaha] I can’t [ah] feel my [aha] face.

    If you are what you say you are then have no fear

    The DP Dot Com Football Pool wk. 10 Update…

    November 20th, 2007

    rg

    R to the motherfuckin’ G!

    The Patriots are a ridiculous machine, but they can’t go undefeated, can they?

    Furiou$tylez is owning cats on this football pool. Should I just take his sneaker size now or are you fools gonna get serious? I still think that its official that homeboy hasn’t been the pick leader outright in any week, but he is a consistent dude week in week out.

    I see you hanging tough Belize. I see you trying to come up Zilla Rocca. Free sneakers is on the line here (no Iraqi invasion required). Don’t get caught sleeping this week. Make your picks before you eat your turkey sandwich.