Archive for the ‘Jig Lit Review’ Category

Random Stats About Du-Rags…

Friday, December 1st, 2006

doo rag

Editor’s note: You folks know of him as RD and I have to call him the Youngest In Charge Of The Blogosphere. RD created a series of posts that examines the negative effects that the du-rag has upon those that wear them. RD continues with the series in the conviction that he will one day get young men to throw away their jailhouse accessories and hopefully replace them with a baseball hat that fits properly.

RANDOM STATS ABOUT DU-RAGS
1) Du-rags have become outlawed in the professional world like the ugly Black secretary(both fuck up your business, either way). Why do you think Jay-Z hides his du-rag? So says David Stern who owns a factory in Honduras that manufactures REEBOK du-rags. There is some truth to this as we have been out-sprinting the Spanish man in the race to Rikers Island prison facility. Long before the days of Diddy and J. Lo, we have been following Chico down the toilet of literacy rates, remade the salsa dance with old slave dances (thanks Lil’ Jon), and now have stolen their wife-beaters and made them into du-rags. Wife beaters were cultural memes that had become synonymous with Mexican labor – cheap and accessible. The du-rag has begun to define us. Any mystery or wonder why most du-rags are black and removable? Supremacy is sending y’all a message. And you thought the du-rag was just for some waves?!? Put a satellite radio on your head, or even go to the beach dammit.

doo rag

2) Du-rags = head thongs. I used to feel for women who had to battle the inequalities and pimps of society(no shout out to Don Juan) with a sleek, thinner diaper lodged up their temples. I mean, personally, I look at that as self-harassment. But, black males in an attempt to get ever so much closer to that temple have followed suit. Lacy, cotton, surface-area thongs now slide over their temples and are wedged between desperation and ignorance. How do you want pussy by being a pussy? I don’t get that. With this attitude you will all become du–rags: dispensable and black. That’s why Emimen only wears his for an hour a day. He still doesn’t want to have to wear a vest like his pet homeboy Fisty. So, next time you wear a du-rag, just think of the daily abuse on Melyssa Ford’s prism. Yeah, it still hurts to be a woman.

doo rag

3) Du-rags are more addictive than cocaine. Before one can start to exhibit Bobby Brown symptoms that powdery sample must actually enter the body. Du-rags however, are one up on coke and lie on the dome like a fresh Burger King crown, ready to crown the next royal sucker. Now does it make sense why the King of All Jigs cut a deal with BK? Shit, you don’t even have to fasten them ninja wings before you start popping suicide pills (no shout out to T.O.) or trying to hustle the African people (no shout out to Russel). I swear in a few years, your closest homie will be hustling du-rags by the pound.

doo rag

4) Du-rags are like South Korea on our globe of thought because they are straight nukin’ any intelligence (no pun). So with that y’all better get your ammo of sense ready because the war with ignorance is coming. If you can afford ignorance, you can’t afford anything else, which is to say, ignorance comes at a price. This is why supremacy will always raise the price of gas, real estate, and everything else on this blessed planet. But believe me, just like Beyonce has 2 asses, supremacy will never raise the price of the du-rag. NEVER. And once again, we lose so supremacy has to win. The score reads Supreme Team: every time a rapper forgets to wear a belt and us: -3,487,953.

We got a long way to go.

-RD

Inside An AIM Conversation With DP Dot Com And OH WORD!

Thursday, November 30th, 2006

billy dee

DP Dot Com: you think Billy Dee hit that?
OH WORD!: without question
DP Dot Com: yeah, he prah’lee came in her belly button
OH WORD!: I watched a bit of Empire Strikes Back on cable
DP Dot Com: ep 5 was the best
OH WORD!: Billy Dee definitely hit Leia
DP Dot Com: nahh
OH WORD!: yep
DP Dot Com: she was looking for some cock wasn’t she?
DP Dot Com: you saw how Jabba turned her out into a ho in ep 6

3po r2

DP Dot Com: you think C3P0 was a top or bottom?
OH WORD!: ha
DP Dot Com: I think R2 was a power bottom
OH WORD!: nahh R2 had to be a top… remember he was always plugging his shit into whatever port
DP Dot Com: yeah true
OH WORD!: R2 was the pitcher… Luke was his catcher
OH WORD!: C3PO liked to watch
DP Dot Com: nahh he hit 3PO
DP Dot Com: thats why 3PO was always twisted when he couldnt find him
DP Dot Com: thought R2 was giving it to some anon droids com port

luke

OH WORD!: Mark Hamill had to turn gay when they grafted his ass on to his face
OH WORD!: after the motorcycle accident
DP Dot Com: he was always gay
OH WORD!: ok but thats when he got balls out gay
DP Dot Com: he held Kenobis ballsachs
OH WORD!: the emperor was a pedophile
DP Dot Com: totally

bm joker

DP Dot Com: Hamill did the voice for joker in BM cartoons
DP Dot Com: you think BM hit Joker?
OH WORD!: ha
DP Dot Com: Bugs Bunny is a total fag
OH WORD!: he dresses like a chick whenever possible
DP Dot Com: you know he let Fudd hit it
OH WORD!: Lion-O was queer as folk
DP Dot Com: a total fag
DP Dot Com: I heard He-Man boned Skeletor
DP Dot Com: pun wholly intended
OH WORD!: lol
DP Dot Com: G-Force wasnt gay
DP Dot Com : they all banged the girl
DP Dot Com: ok maybe G-Force was gay

smurfette

OH WORD!: smurfette was always kept busy
DP Dot Com: smurfette was a whore
DP Dot Com: a dirty whore slut
OH WORD!: and a tease
OH WORD!: thats why they all had blue balls… ohh!
DP Dot Com: lol
DP Dot Com: I think she let papa smell it though
OH WORD!: papa couldn’t get her off though
OH WORD!: always talking about “not much farther now”
DP Dot Com: she used papa for his tricks

9mm

OH WORD!: you think they’ll care at bb kings if I bring in an slr camera?
DP Dot Com: nahh, you can bring a rocket launcher up in that mug, just put it inside your jacket
DP Dot Com: they dont search nobody
OH WORD!: cool

My Uncle’s Name is TOM

Saturday, November 25th, 2006

c.p.

Editor’s note: Rounding out our hat trick of remixes of racial epithets I thought I’d drop this classic favorite of TONY’s KANSAS CITY.

I remember as a kid learning that the term ‘Uncle Tom’ is derisive, which struck me as a bit ironic since I have an uncle whose name is Tom. My uncle Tom is a rebbe in Brooklyn. He is funny and quirky and really intelligent too. So I needed to know how having an ‘Uncle Tom’ was not a good thing.

I asked BILLY SUNDAY about the meaning of ‘Uncle Tom’ and what’s wrong with ‘selling out,’ since it is a phrase I’ve heard uttered in connection with the first.

c.p.n.g.w.b.

The Uncle Tom character is someone who’s been given benefits and guarantees while he works hard to please his master. The Uncle Tom believes that due solely to his hard work, he has secured his master’s favor. The Uncle Tom believes that the master’s doctrines are universally beneficial and equitable.

c.t.

The Whip Cracker is completely different from the Uncle Tom in that the Whip Cracker understands that the benefits he receives are issued not for meritous acheivement but for complicit behavior. The Whip Cracker doesn’t believe that he is favored by the master but understands that if he complies with the master’s programs, then he will be spared from the master’s wrath. The Whip Cracker knows the dirty tricks the master employs to control his holdings and the Whip Cracker has no empathy for the moral consequences. All the Cracker wants to know is,”When am I going to eat?”

c.t.

In the end, the Uncle Tom is a tragic figure because he believes that he is truly loved by his controllers, whereas the Whip Cracker understands and accepts that he is only a servant responsible for sustaining the master’s control.

REAL TALK – The History of the Word ‘Cracker’

Saturday, November 25th, 2006

yeeeeehaw!

Editor’s note: From deep in the archives BILLY SUNDAY drops another ReMix jewel on your plate. There’s a reason that we say you can’t handle the truth.

When nearly everyone hears this word directed at someone as an epithet, they immediately think of the racial component associated with the word. This pretty much works the same way for the word ‘nigger,’ unless it is two blacks speaking to one another. What most people don’t know, since they never went to school anyhoo, is that the words ‘nigger’ and ‘cracker’ were never created to describe an insult to one’s ethnicity. These words were created to identify one’s vocation.

The ‘cracker’ was the production supervisor on a plantation or farm. It was his job to monitor the slaves and keep them from slacking off. As he sat on his horse and trotted around the plantation, he might lash his whip on anyone he felt was unproductive. Many times he would use his whip purely as a means of intimidation, to let all the plantation workers know that it was going to be one of those lifetimes in which they would wish they had never been born.

The slaves did their best to avoid beatings from these enforcers, but they could not escape the best part of the American chattel slavery system: violence was often random and indiscriminate. This kept the slaves in a constant state of confusion and fear. The slaves began to call these enforcers ‘crackers’ because of the sound that the whip made when it was lashed across someone’s sweat drenched skin. The slaves would warn each other of the ‘crackers’ presence by saying the word rapidly and repeating it many times. Imagine the croaking of a frog. In this way, slaves developed a communication system that was undecipherable to the plantations’ managers.

At first, a typical ‘cracker’ might be the land owner and his male children, but as the plantations grew, ‘crackers’ were hired from the many European immigrants that came to America to escape the poverty and famine in their countries. Often times these new immigrants were quartered with the slaves and there are many instances of hired immigrants rejecting the task of violent enforcement against their roommates. Those immigrants would find themselves out of work and, worse still, disenfranchised from within their own community. In this way the landowners forced these immigrants to play their position, or risk being ostracized, destitute and literally worse off than the slaves.

Really large plantations even used other slaves as ‘crackers,’ which became a supremely effective tool for controlling the worker population. These slaves/’crackers’ knew which workers to target with intimidation and violence in order to maintain control and they even knew the slaves’ secret languages and dialects, so they could serve as effective translators for their managers and the landowners This is the most important fact we need to remember. The Black ‘cracker’ was put in place to regulate the Black populus. All the Black ‘cracker’ cared for was making sure that he secured a steady meal for himself. He would do whatever he was told by the manager or the big boss, the landowner.

Today these ‘crackers’ manifest themselves in many different ways, but their ultimate goal remains the same: to secure a steady meal for themselves. They receive their reward by helping to control the slaves through various measures using intimidation, violence and acting as translators to the owners.

Some might call this, ‘Getting Rich or Dying While Trying’.

The Real Meaning of the Word “WIGGER”

Saturday, November 25th, 2006

peace to the gods

Editor’s note: ROBBIE from UnKut dot com has given me the idea to remix some of these DP Dot Com favorites because of their relevancy. MICHAEL ‘KRAMER’ RICHARDS also had a hand in these remix drops as well. Today BILLY SUNDAY will take his turn at explaining what these powerful terms actually mean.

Everybody thinks that a ‘wigger’ is a white guy that dresses and acts ‘Black’. That has confused me for years since I have no idea what dressing and acting Black really means. Luckily, I finally figured it out and DALLAS PENN asked me to share my understanding of what a ‘wigger’ really is…

The ‘wigger’ is a tragic character in the cosmology of white folks. The ‘wigger’ wants to be white as much as any other white, but because of economics the ‘wigger’ can not be white. When a neighborhood is busted open with Black residents, all the white that have the financial means to relocate do so immediately, but the ‘wiggers’ are the whites that can not afford to relocate so they become ‘wiggerfied’. They must now live in a neighborhood with Blacks and use the same local services like supermarkets, hardware stores, delicatessens, etc., that the Blacks use. Some ‘wiggers’ will leave their neighborhoods and attempt to access the establishments that regular white has access to. Some like to call this passing. These places often must hire security personnel to dissuade the ‘wiggers’ from entering. Those ‘wiggers’ that are able to a evade the initial security clearance will be discovered when their zip code is revealed at the check out.

For all the readers that think that being Black in America is difficult, just know that being white in America and forced to live amongst Blacks is almost unbearable.