dallaspenn.com

That’s right bitches, I am officially ready to sell out.

But I am doing it in order to help DALLAS PENN continue the good work that is this website. With gas prices on a steady incline and all sorts of other inter-related costs on the rise I have heard through the grapvine that DP.Com may dissolve before it’s first birthday. That means that I will have to go back to writing an e-mail blast that no one ever reads. That means that all of the DP.Com video projects that are in pre/post production as well as the ADDICT website will be folded. I love this webshiite more than a shwarma sammich with a side of babaghanouj so I will do everything in my power to keep it “in the Black.”

The New York Times ran an article today about New York State gubernatorial hopeful Attorney General ELIOT SPITZER having a campaign war chest of some $20million dollars. This amount dwarfs all of the Republican candidates combined by some… twenty million dollars. What ELIOT SPITZER needs now is a ‘political consultant’. To this extent I am willing to offer my services(N.H.) to Governor Attorney General SPITZER to help propel his campaign into the top spot in Albany. I know that I haven’t got any of the credentials that your typical political consultant might have like say, a college degree, but I’ve got chutzpah dammit. And I have a .pdf file of the daily schedule from KARL ROVE’s palm pilot.

So what would KARL ROVE do? After choking his mother with a pillow at 9:00am and drinking the bone marrow from a newborn baby at 10:00am, he would plot a kick azz strategy that would be much more about reminding folks of their emotional baggage than telling them what they really need to get by. To that extent I would prah’lee further criminalize Blacks and Muslims. I know that seems to be the cheap and easy way out, but I was going to use this campaign strategy for the almost Republican candidate RANDY DANIELS before the upstate G.O.P. bosses frowned on the thought of a jig Governor in the Albany statehouse. Damn Randy we wuz’ close!

Anyhoo, I know that I called the good and just Attorney General ELIOT SPITZER an ‘invisible man‘ due to his marked disappearance from the political radar during the NYC transit strike, but that was way back in the past and I think that bygones should be bygones. Middle Passage?!? Is that a hallway in the center of a building? Who knows? All I know is that $20 million dollars is a lot of money to jump out of the gate with. Governor Attorney General SPITZER’s closest competitor for the Dem nod is Nassau County’s Executive THOMAS SUOZZI. To be truthful, the only thing that SUOZZI has going for him is the fact that since HUGH CAREY in 1974, the last name of New York’s Governor usually ends with a vowel.

But all of that history won’t be enough to stop the SPITZER Express once BILLY SUNDAY is hired as a ‘consultant’. I promise I will get the jig vote out. How about a party at Cipriani hosted by PIDDY and AL SHARPTON?

I am pretty sure that I can get one or two of the jigs from that show ‘The Apprentice’ to come through and holler at the peoples. Plus a song from MARY J. BLIGE, everybody loves M.J.B. The long suffering Negro spiritual R&B has pretty much replaced the space that the Black church once held as the barometer for jig morality. And nobody cries more than Mary.

I will line up all of this talent to secure the African American vote for only $150K and this includes an open bar from 6:00pm until 7:00pm.

Governor SPITZER, holler at your boy!