Archive for the ‘The Guest Room’ Category

Rock The Bells by MAXINE

Thursday, December 20th, 2007

sexy car

Editor’s note: MAXINE explains why the ladies love rock the bells.

“A class for youth, sex ed for your head, the do’s and don’ts that should
happen in the bed.”
– (c)Nas- ‘Dr.Knockboot/I Am’

We ring bells ring for a variety of reasons. Literally, and figuratively, bell ringing is a staple of society’s history. The Liberty bell was used to call the first Continental Congress together in 1774 and later became a prominent symbol of the American Revolutionary War. Do I need to remind you of the “moaning and groaning” of the bells made famous by Edgar Allen Poe? And of course, the Slave bell, used frequently at the Cape colony when slavery was a common practice. The bell is rung as an attempt at getting the attention of large groups of people for speeches, or other purposes like… Dinner.

I emerged from the lobby of the Hyatt and stepped right into a bustling, loud, and incredibly sunny, downtown Denver. After hailing the first taxi in sight and rattling off my address, I settled into the backseat, hid behind my shades and started re-playing the night before. It didn’t take long to realize that the Dominican brother from flight 472 had taught me some things I would not soon forget. Here you will find the Do’s and Don’ts of a process I like to call… “Ringing the Bell”(No Anita Ward)

*turns the lights down low*

DO treat this task with gentle and unabashed affection.

DO think of it as a beckoning, a calling, talk to it with warm whispers saying
sweet things,
dirty things,
naughty things,
tender things…

DO start slow and easy, enjoy each and every moment.
Small circles,
easy circles,
longer circles,
wider circles,
light whispers,
faster circles,
sharper circles,
wiiiiiiiiiiiiiider circles,
loooooooonger circles,
airy kisses,
warm whispers…

DON’T forget to give the ‘New York Hello’, or use the ‘Canadian turn signal’ or, well you get the point…

Pushing, pusssssshing, puuuuuuuuuushing,
pulling…pulling…PULLING!

Resting.

Sliding,
gliding,
rising,
falling,
calling,
beckoning,
pleading,
punctuating,
emphasizing,
pushing,
pulling…

DON’T find it necessary to do make that exaggerated swallowing sound. I know what you’re doing… I can see you… I’m watching you… The top of your head.

Fresh braids,
zig-zag parts,
back and forth,
up and down,
small circles,
long circles
light, airy kisses,
I’m watching you…

DO know when you’re hitting the spot. Not that one, but thaaaaaat one.

DO take the obvious for what it is.

DO know when something feels good, and when it feels GREAT.

Hearing, “This-was-such-a-good-iiii—dea” from the recipient is a safe indicator.

and finally…

DON’T switch your style up. If it ain’t broke…

This is just my perspective, do you at all times but, everyone can use some tips right? I mean, Michael Jordan never stopped practicing free throws, Ike never stopped slapping bitches, and T-Pain can’t stop, won’t stop using the Auto-tuner. Do what works for you!

I do know that a bell-ringing Dr. Knockboot exists in each and every one of you. I want to hear the sound of bells ringing all over! From the snow-capped mountains of the Colorado Rockies, to the very depths of Alabama. From the mean gritty streets of Brooklyn, to the gentle coasts of Rhode Island. You can do it men! Make it plain. Go forth and bring good cheer. May the chime be with you.

STILETTO FIENDS UNITE!

Thursday, December 20th, 2007

pump it up

Editor’s note: The Ambassador kicks up her heels for this drop.

It’s finally winter break and I find myself presented with the opportunity to spend the next month reveling in the senseless pleasures of life once again. It’s about damn time too. One thing I plan to do in the next month is some shopping – and what’s better than treating yourself to some new kicks? Well, here at DP Dot Com I’ve noticed that there are quite a few shoe addicts. Being a woman and all, I think it’s embedded into my DNA that I give a shit about what I put onto my feet. And although I can appreciate a fresh pair of Nikes, I also have a need for another kind of shoe that doesn’t seem to get as much shine around here.

The stiletto.

pump it up

I don’t know why I have a soft spot for these things. I should probably hate them. Unless you get lucky, they’ll wreak havoc upon your feet and they suck for when you have to walk long distances. They would make a podiatrist cringe (and keep them in business at the same time, so go figure). Yet, I keep buying them. Perhaps women see stilettos as a weapon that’s always legal to carry – there’s no doubt you could cause some serious pain and blood loss if you used them right. A self defense mechanism you carry around on your feet, so to speak. I mean who needs pepper spray when you have a four inch spike heel walking around with you? Hell, I’ve drawn blood (accidentally) with a pair of shoes before.

Anyway, it seems to be the trend at DP Dot Com right now to let people catch a glimpse into your latest purchase or your most beloved pair of kicks, and I think it’s about time that the trend got a dose of estrogen. So I present you with a glimpse into my closet – nothing too amazing, I mean I’m still a broke ass college girl so you ain’t gonna find any Manolo Blahnik pumps, but I still make it work on a budget. And anyway, the price tag on a shoe doesn’t account for the sentimental value a shoe can have to a person. I mean your shoes go everywhere with you – where you walk, they have to follow. Which means that all of my shoes have their own stories.

pinstripe

I call these shoes my PAWG shoes. Why, you ask? Well, I caught Kelly Monaco wearing these kicks on an episode of ‘General Hospital’. It was even post-‘Dancing With the Stars’ wardrobe malfunction, when she was still semi-famous. Anyway, if they’re good enough for Kelly, they’re good enough for me. For the record though, I had them first.

black shoe

I saw these kicks on TV too, although I wish I hadn’t. Some random-ass trash talking type of broad on an episode of MTV’s *True Life* series was wearing them to hit up a club at the Jersey shore. Oh well, once again I had them first. I win. Except I lose, because nothing but bullshit ever happens to me when I wear these. Like having to push your broken down car in the rain.
So…let’s just say these kicks don’t see the light of day anymore.

red shoe

Nobody ever says anything about these shoes except “those are sexy”. I consider them classy-type sexy though, rather than clear heel, pole dancing, stripper-type sexy. The picture doesn’t do these justice. I almost bought them in gold, too, but you know…budget. Ouch. And that’s a double meaning “ouch”, too, because these really hurt like hell.

brown shoe

These are some of the tamer kicks I have – but we all need some of those. Basic, versatile shoes. I like the toe detail because it’s still unique yet simple. Despite the simplicity of these, they probably have the most twisted story of any shoes I own. To spare you the insane details, the first time I wore these I got indirectly told by a minister that I’m pretty much on my way to hell when I die. Uh oh. Don’t even ask me what brought that on, either, because to this day I’m not so sure.

ambassador The Ambassador says…
“What?!?!?!”

“I’m still a fucking lady!”


SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Wednesday, December 19th, 2007

meka collect

Editor’s note: One of the blogosphere’s hottest Hip-Hop writers, SFU Westside rep Meka Soul does the two-step when discussing the twelve step addiction of his affectation.

Confessions Of A Sneaker Fiend

Hello everyone. My name is Meka Soul and I think I have a problem.

See, I’ve been a fiend for the almighty amalgamation of leather, rubber, suede and nubuck for well over five years now. I may never be as fanatical as some of my other brethren are, but my incessant lust for the sneaker has at times unfortunately replaced the thrill of finding a woman to stab. It’s okay though because when I get rich I will swim in all the white meat I can eat.

Back when my mother used to put a perm in my hair so that the barber could cut through it easier (which would explain why I have locks now), I’d rock my Airwalks and Pro Wings as if I had come up on some exclusive SBs for cheap. Shit, I even treated my Patrick Ewing sneakers like they were limited edition Jordan’s. You couldn’t tell me shit about those clown shoes.

It all changed for me when I hit college, however. While I still didn’t give a shit about the clothes I rocked, I remember when I stepped inside a Foot Locker and fell in love with a pair of metallic silver Nike Air Max Plus shoes. Like the first time you bed a very freaky gurl ([||], no Gucci Mane), I got open like Black Moon.

It was a slow process, though. At first I’d get any old kick from the retail spots. It was’nt until my boy put me onto game with this low key store in Long Beach called Proper that I experienced my first, full-blown taste of the sneaker night life. The walls were lined with shoes I’d never even seen before! After that trip it was like two pins and a Doobie – it was a wrap.

A few years (and a couple dozen pairs) later, I’ve ascended into the world of sneaker fanaticism. I hit up sites, I lounge with store owners, and I’ve even done interviews with a few peoples. My shoe collection once ballooned into over 30 pairs. I managed to whittle it down to about 15, but the lure still hovers over my head like the smell crispy leather and unworn insoles when you first crack open a box of Dunks.

Eventually I know this insatiable desire will give way once I find a woman who’s foolishly willing to accept my Igbo love seeds, but until then I’ll be rocking my Kill White Tee with my Lucky 7 Dunks.

Which one do you think goes best?

THE DP DOT COM GUEST ROOM: 5 BLACK MALE HAIRSTYLES

Tuesday, December 18th, 2007

ebony3

Editor’s note: Today’s Guest Room drop comes from GORDON GARTRELLE at the website We Are Respectable Negroes. Without a doubt, this is the important information that AL GORE created the internets for.

5 Black Male Hairstyles And What They Say About Those Who Wear Them
This Friday Five was inspired by Billy Sunday’s classic “Guide to Black Women’s Hair.”

You know the old adage—women assess a man’s status by examining his shoes? That bit of advice isn’t as useful as it used to be. Grad school has made me broke as a joke, yet I own pairs of Gucci and Prada shoes (they were gifts); a guy in baby blue gators once begged me for money on the street; and I know a few guys who are pulling down six figures, but wear busted Pro Keds. Plus, the popularity of throwback kicks has leveled the field, so it’s more difficult than ever to gauge a man’s personality and life chances by looking at what he wears on his feet. Thus, many women have shifted their focus from toe to head. As a public service to the few black women who don’t already know this stuff, I thought that I’d relay what I’ve learned about what certain hairstyles reveal about the black men who rock them. This knowledge comes from observing brothers 1st hand as well as from “conversating” with black women.

1.) Box

box

Look, I understand that our African brothers and American negroes from age 45 on tend to be a little behind fashion-wise, so I cut them a little slack. But if you are a black man in America and you are relatively young, there’s absolutely no excuse to have a box.

Says:

  • a. I am square… Literally
  • b. I do not know many young black people;
  • c. I do not date young black women (or, more likely, they don’t date me).
  • 2.) Curl

    curl

    Here’s my question: Do chefs with jheri curls need extra thick hats to prevent the paper from becoming transparent, disintegrating, and catching on fire?

    Says:

  • a. I have a weak sense of smell;
  • b. I own several extra pillowcases.
  • 3. Shag

    shag

    Ah, the Shag(adelic). Though the shag and the mullet are brothers from another mother, the former doesn’t quite have the ironic appeal for black people as the latter has for white folks. But the shag is an enduring negro hairstyle that’ll be around 50 years from now. I’m not sure we can say the same for the mullet.

    Says:

  • a. I can’t stand to have a cold neck;
  • b. I own all of the Commodores’ albums.
  • 4.) Process

    process

    I can understand why black women spend a fortune to chemically scorch their scalps and go bald by 40. Few are happy to be nappy, and they need that promotion at work, right? What on earth would possess a man to fry his wig, though?

    Says:

  • a. I am somewhat effeminate;
  • b. I will try to sell my woman to my friends before I get a job.
  • 5.) Unkempt cornrows

    cornrows

    Not a fan of cornrows, but if you’re gonna wear em, keep em tight.

    Says:

  • a. my woman is busy servicing another guy;
  • b. my cell mate is busy servicing another guy.
  • ERNIE PANICCIOLI’s 2007 Hip-Hop Awards…

    Friday, December 14th, 2007

    big E

    Editor’s note: DP Dot Com resident Hip-Hop historian gets the early jump on the awards season action.

    Hip Hop Movie of The Year Award

  • The Other Side of Hip Hop
  • 2007 Best Documentary in The Big Apple Film Festival. TOSHH features, Afrika Bambaataa, Chuck D, MC Lyte, Crazy Legs, Henry Chalfant (Subway Art) and Charlie Ahearn (Wild Style) and is a life affirming reminder that art, politics, photography and Hip Hop can save lives and help change the world.

    Rap Song of The Year Award

    the wu

    ‘The Heart Gently Weeps’ By Raekwon, Ghostface, Method Man, Erykah Badu and The RZA. Only The Wu could embrace a George Harrison classic, turn it Black and bring it to this century and make it a tale of guns, warfare and survival.

    Hip Hop Book of The Year Award

    conzo

  • Born In The Bronx
  • Joe Conzo’s Hip-Hop photo bible, with foreword by Afrika Bambaataa. Using actual party flyers by Buddy Esquire, this book takes you back to the raw, real, scary and original O.G. moments in the history of Hip-Hop.

    Graffiti Legends Award

  • Tats Cru
  • Hip Hop Artist of The Year Award

  • Nas
  • For scaring the shit out of his record label and all the self righteous, hand wringing hypocrites and lames who went into shock when they heard his next album will be titled “NIGGER”

    Hip Hop Website Award

  • www.daveyd.com
  • Rap Music Current Events And News Award

  • www.allhiphop.com
  • The Emcee You Need To Know Award

  • Immortal Technique
  • Money Makes You Blind to the Plight of Your People Award

    wanksters

    We have two winners for which cash rules everything around them: Jay-Z and Denzel Washington. Denzel who won the Best Actor Academy Award and thanked us by e-mailing in a sleepwalking, blunted, dazed and confused performance in ‘American Gangster’ and Jay-Z, who was embraced by the corporate world and rose to head the once mighty Def Jam Records regresses and instead of even making a pretense of being a role model to millions of at risk youth instead runs like a whore to an easy sell and quick money with his latest “pretend drug dealer” album also titled ‘American Gangster’. We have the right to expect more from these two men, they know better, but like they say in the streets, “A pimp will sell his own ass even when his whore won’t sell hers.”

    The Blind Leading The Blind Award
    This award has to be shared by many who have worked so long and so hard to win top billing in this category…

  • BET-Just when you thought they had reached rock bottom, they sink lower
  • Vibe-Just look at the size of it, down from a healthy 200 pages to 45 pages and 40 of them are ads.
  • Cornel West and Michael Eric Dyson-Two speed talking shit talkers who decided there was a buck to be made by finishing every paragraph with phrases cribbed from crappy rap songs.
  • Put A Quarter In Yo’ Ass Because You Played Yourself Hip Hop Award

    hustler al

    The unanimous winner Al Sharpton who went after Don Imus, an old, drug addled mush mouth, and caused him to get fired from a 5 million dollar radio gig and then rehired for 20 million cash while making “Nappy Headed Hoes” the most Google’d comment in internets history.

    Keeping the ‘Ho’ In Hip-Hop Award

    roboho

    By keeping her mouth shot and keeping a pole between her legs Beyonce is making sure we will have a generation of prostitutes to fill the streets for years to come.

    Human Water Bug Award

    condiskeezer

    For the extreme effort exerted by both and for the total disregard of all other Black Women so that they can get their twisted shine. These two bone ugly, mindless, heartless and soulless skanks share equal billing New York (from Vh-1’s reality show) and Condoleeza Rice.

    Lifetime Wigger Award

    timberfake

    From Mickey Mouse dancing to banging Britney Spears to his cowardly cop out of the infamous “wardrobe malfunction” with Janet Jackson. It boggles the mind that no one has nominated him for this award before. Justin Timberlake gets a slice of bronzed white bread to put on his mantle piece.

    es dubbz SHORTY WHITEBREAD says…
    “Fuck that wigger!

    He gets nathan.”