Archive for the ‘cRap Fantasy League’ Category

WU-TANG CLAN IS FOR THE CHILDREN…

Thursday, May 24th, 2007

wu tang

I really need someone from to throw me a ticket to the Rock The Bells concert here on NYC’s Randall’s Island. I remember when Lollapalooza came to Randall’s Island back in 1995. I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers and GEORGE CLINTON tear down the stage. And then the following year Sonic Youth and the Wu were my favorite sets.

New York City hasn’t seen an outdoor festival concert of this magnitude in over a decade. Have you seen the bill for the Rock The Bells shows? This shit has to be the greatest concert lineup ever in the history of mankind. This is like the Pope performing with Jesus, Zeus and Buddha on the second stage.

Wu-Tang Clan
Rage Against The Machine
Public Enemy
Cypress Hill
The Roots
Nas
Erykah Badu
Mos Def
Pharoe Monch
EPMD
MF DOOM
and more…

^ click on any of the above bands

Rumor has it that Tupac and Notorious B.I.G. are going to be the special surprise guests.

I so need a ticket to this concert.

A Gay Old Time For The RAP PACK(c)…

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007

rap pack

Even with DAME DASH flaming out to the tune of two million dollars in back taxes that doesn’t stop the ‘Rap Pack‘(c) from living the high life at a post-fight party in Las Vegas. I’m sure there were females around at some part of the evening, because you know how your boy DIDDY gets down. He’ll punch you in your mouth if your girl doesn’t come to his after party.

rap pack

rap pack

rap pack

Or maybe there weren’t any broads for this event. Hip-Hop, as you know, is anti-woman.

The following video is another one of DIDDY’s former cohorts doing a striptease dance for a co-ed hotel party. Extra nullus to men stripping in front of men, while other men cheer. NSFW unless you work from a corner in your basement.

BILLY SUNDAY Says… “Let Them Eat Cake.”

Wednesday, May 9th, 2007

dash

DAMON DASH would be the first person to readily admit to you that he has a problem. He is addicted to making money. DASH has even called himself a cake-a-holic as a way of introducing an urban colloquial for his desire to earn money. DASH briefly used a reality television program to bring to view the values to which he considered esteemable. Black Entertainment Television’s ‘The Ultimate Hustler’ was an achievement in low-brow stereotypical minority run business plans and it probably paved the way for television programs like ‘Flavoe of Love’ and ‘I Love New York’. The cooning and shuffling was disguised in the program’s ‘Apprentice’-like knock off format.

DAMON DASH has already become a caricature of himself at this point. He no longer shepherds the stable of artists under the Rocafella Records imprint. He has also been removed from his partnership role at Rocawear clothing. Jay-Z, the persona that DASH created based on a Harlem drug dealer named A-Zee, has become a corporate darling and he is consulted and consorted by major corporations that covet the urban money spending demographic. Don’t let the irony of this reversal of fortune be lost on you. DAMON DASH has never given any care or forethought to the images that he has helped shaped through Hip-Hop and rap music.

These images have been of characters that trafficked drugs for the sport and lust of wealth, nary shedding a tear for the destruction of communities that these drugs will have wrought. Because their world of trafficking narcotics was metaphorically based on the music they delivered they might have imagined that no one was ever damaged by their deeds. Instead, I see a generation plus of young people that can recite several rap songs to me verbatim but don’t know that they reside within Kings County. It is not enough to say “Broooooooooklyyyyyn!”

The other shoe dropped this week when one of my friends from the woeful record industry sent a facsimile to my desk of some papers that were circulating through the halls of DAMON DASH’s old workplace. It always seemed to me that the life of a hustler should include making sure that the true hustlers were paid off first.

dash
That amount seems somewhat piddling to the following amount which is admittedly more money than I will ever see in my lifetime. If DAMON DASH owes the I.R.S. over two million in back taxes then I can only imagine how much money he made overall, bearing in mind that rich people don’t submit the portion of their incomes to the taxman that us regular poor people have to.

dash

Now don’t shed a tear for DAMON DASH. He’s been through tougher spots than this one and the apartment he owns in TriBeCa would probably sell for 10x the amount of that tax warrant. The one thing above all other things that DAMON DASH has proven is that he knows how to sell shit to Black people. That alone makes him invaluable to the Tall Israelis. DASH has got to have a rabbi left on his team that can help him return to prominence.

Otherwise DASH will be like so many other folks who eschewed the lavish life and ultimately ran out of bread. In the famous last words of Marie Antionette when the Parisians had run out of bread… “Let them eat cake.” I guess that won’t be too bad after all for this admitted cake-a-holic.

dash

The Daily Soap Opera That Is Rap Music…

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007

jim jones

Jim Jones keeping it gangsta by preserving his sexy.

Remember When Rap Music Was The New WWE?

Hip Hop Profanity, Misogyny and Violence: Blame the Manufacturer

JIM JONES and and his BFF CAM’RON aren’t speaking right now.

FISTY SCENT is getting banned from Canada.

DAMON DASH misses his BFF, Jay-Z

GHETTO CELEB MATHEMATICS: HIP-HOP HONORS WEEK (MGMT’s ReMixes)

Sunday, April 29th, 2007

red math

New York City schoolkids are failing miserably in the state mandated standardized math tests. The schools chancellor says that the test is too hard. I say that we need to find a new way to bring math studies to these kids. To that end your favorite blogger slash political consultant slash relationship advisor turns his laser eye on new millenium mathematics prep.

If you fuck with this site with any regularity then you know that we have already done a Ghetto Celeb Mathematics drop, but this one has a decided focus on honoring one of DP dot com’s favorite Hip-Hop icons – RUSSELL JONES b/k/a OL’ DIRTY BASTARD. Ghetto Celebrity Mathematics brings complex theorems into a nice and easy reference guide using popular culture icons. We chose to use Ol’ Dirty Bastard because of his universal appeal and the fact that he loved the kids, but not in a MARK FOLEY kind of way. O.D.B. left us two years ago for a trip on the mothership, but his life was filled with quotes that let us know he wasn’t doing this rap thing for himself, but for the kids…

“I see things from a one-eye perspective and the four-eye perspective. The one-eye perspective is being able to see everything, as clear as my eye can see it.”

“… this is what Wu Tang do, come with something beautiful for you, like high science. Einstein has a formula, Wu Tang has a formula. A part equals a square and all that stuff, you know what I’m saying? We have a formula, too. The formula is to attack everything at any given time. Just attack and shit like a waterfall, or like water in rapids or more like a fucking whirlpool, fuck you.”

“I went and bought me an outfit today that costed a lot of money today, youknowImean?, ’cause I figured that Wu-Tang was gonna win! I don’t know how y’all see it, but when it comes to the children, Wu-Tang is for the children! We teach the children! You know what I mean? Puffy is good, but Wu-Tang is the best! Okay? I want you all to know that this is ODB, and I love you all, peace!”

We love you too DIRTY. Rest in peace. Wu-Tang forever.

ol dirtThe unpredictable lyrical magic of O.D.B. multiplied by the explosive nature of TIMOTHY McVEIGH gives you the political philosophy of North Korean leader KIM JONG IL.

ol dirtThe hair and charisma of BIG BAGY JESUS added to the sincerity of MARTIN LUTHER KING Jr. that Black people might one day get their shit together = AL SHARPTON (circa YUSUF HAWKINS).

ol dirtThe orange jumpsuit of DIRT McGIRT times Pittsburgh pitcher DOC ELLIS on LSD results with former Mets pitcher DWIGHT ‘DOC’ GOODEN wearing an orange jumpsuit.

ol dirtThe crazy sex appeal of OSIRIS when divided by the vocal stylistics of BOBBY WOMACK gives us BOBBY BROWN.

ol dirtThe energy and uncontrollable Negro madness of OL’ DIRTY is added to the poetic genius of a young LANGSTON HUGHES = REGGIE NOBLE, the funk doctor b/k/a REDMAN.