Archive for the ‘H.A.M.’ Category

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Starbucks Starlet by MAXINE

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

coffy

Editor’s note: Sent via e-mail…

What up DP?
I hit on a girl in the Starbucks the other day. It was totally by accident but it was so cheeky and real I thought I’d share it with the fam. See you in NYC.
Peace,
MAX

It’s a beautifully perfect 75 degrees in the shade kind of day. I’m feeling good as I’m walking through Denver. The Boss, Diana Ross, is blaring from a passing car. I know it’s going to be a great day.

“I got the sweetest hangover / I don’t wanna get over / sweetest hangover…”

I step into the nearby Starbucks, you know, the bourgeois one, prepared for the ridiculous comments from the barista about my “cool earrings” or my “fly nail polish” when, the unthinkable happens.

In walks this sister. No I said this Sister. You know the type, low bun, earth toned in theme and hue, different color browns and tans, had my mind wrapped around lands of amber. Freckles sprinkled across her nose, door knockers on, just to show a little hood with the 9-5 steez.

See, she’s just like me, walking to the beat of our ancestor’s drum in every way, I watch her. The vibrations from her high heels reach the nape of my neck. She’s checking the juices; wheatgrass or honey? I slide up next to her and say, “Honey, makes everything sweeter…”

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, H.A.M., Maxed Out, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, The Guest Room | 10 Comments »

SPANK WHAT YA’ MAMA GAVE YA’…

Tuesday, May 20th, 2008

spank rock

The question came up the other day between RAFI and I who we could attach the blame to for hipster rap.

People that look to KanYe’s cousins like Kid Cudi or Spank Rock are very mistaken. Pharell and the N.E.R.D. movement were definitely in the house but the act that was onstage was Luther Campbell and the 2 Live Crew.

What group better describes the ethos of cheap beer and cheaper thrills all while wearing your Cazal frames and a trucker hat? The simple call and response lyrics and the booming bassline were Luke Skyywalker standards.

Did Luke turn the music industry on its ear so thoroughly that even now his name is only mentioned in hushed whispers? Someone been done need to have given that man his own reality show. Shit can’t possibly get worse than the jig nonsense that Flavor Flav in waist deep in. Deep waste I meant to say.

I have yet to catch a Spank Rock set but all the music reviewers claim he is the new millenium Luke show. If Spank Rock can get quiet girls to bring their inner freak out then I ain’t mad at him, but he is going to have to take his ass chants to another level if he wants to compete with Luke’s Federal indictments.

Posted in Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, H.A.M., No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Social Upheaval, When I Reminisce..., Wig Owners | 17 Comments »

Hardbody Party Monster…

Monday, May 19th, 2008

party monster

*cues up Digital Underground ‘I Get Around’…

Uhhhhh, who is that calling me? What time is it? 4pm. Damn, I hate when I lose a whole day to the drunken sleep. I should have seen this coming too. Three straight nights of Obamas featuring Courvosier will do that to you. I overdosed on the brown juice from Thursday up until Saturday night. I don’t feel sick, but I cant see clearly either. Thank goodness its raining and overcast here in New York. Thats about how shit must look in my brain right now.

I’m trying to sort out all the information that filtered through my head these last three days. There was a lot of politicking that I put in on behalf of DP dot and the iNternets Celebrities. I hope these connects pan out over the summer. I might look like I am partying my ass off, but please believe I am working too. Don’t be mislead into thinking that I consumed a dozen rounds of fruit flavored cognac mixes just to become inebriated. We will have some great features here at DP because of my lush life.

I finally met up with Hip-Hop gossip personality Miss Info. She has been a fan of my girl Fresh at Crunk & D for sometime now. She is also a big fan of RAFI KAM. I would be jealous too if my lady weren’t so fine and smart.

I will be modeling Mighty Healthy a lot this summer. Thanks to 40 and RAY.

The big news though is that the Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival will be bigger and better than last years’ production. More movie nights, more concert dates and more great Hip-Hop.

Who will be in NYC this weekend? Let’s get a roll call so we can plan the first monthly Sneaker Fiends Unite! NYC tour. If we are lucky we might have an Obama to fall through afterwards.

party monster

Posted in Ghetto Celebs, H.A.M., iNternets Celebrities, Sneaker Fiends United, T.O.N.Y. | 9 Comments »

Got Milk?

Monday, May 19th, 2008

ross titties

So this is why XXL can’t pay me on time?

Harris Publications is apparently too busy milking Rick Ross’ boobies.

Posted in Billy Sunday @ XXL, Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Fashion Faux Pas, Ghetto Celebs, H.A.M., No Boutros Boutros... Ghali | 16 Comments »

I’m Loving Your Scam McD!

Monday, May 19th, 2008

sweet tea

You can look at me and tell that I know my way around a McDonald’s or ten. I’ve fucked with their products for prA’li all of my forty years. I even use their products to create food items that can open a portal in the tme-space continuum. If the film ‘Supersize Me’ is correct then I should be dying this summer from a heart attack. And still I get online at the Golden Arches for my handful of Soylent Green.

Recently McDonald’s rolled out their own licensed beverage called Mickey Dee’s Sweet Tea. I’ve actually had this drink for some time out of the Harlem McD’s on 135th Street across from my jobsite at the Schomburg Public Library and Cultural Center. Yeah, shit was hell’a fucking good. They were giving it up in this monstrous cup and the price was righteous at $1.00 plus tax.

I used to order my drink with no ice since we all know that McDonald’s ice is from outerspace and never melts. True story. Also, in my mind I couldn’t justify buying McDonald’s sweet tea over two(2) bottles of Tropical Fantasy from the bodega for $1.00 with NO tax. You want to talk about a sweet tea? Tropical Fantasy has 32grams of sugar per serving (8 fluid ounces). That my friends is the equivalent of an ounce and an eightball of high fructose in just half a bottle. I’d like to see how the McD’s Sweet Tea stacks up to that.

The other evening I came home with a container of McD’s Sweet Tea and I decided to perform a little experiment. The McDonald’s that sold me the beverage refused to fill my cup with no ice saying that their rules mandated ice. This must be the rules handed to them from Burger King that you can only give away three ketchup packets per order, no matter how much food was ordered.

I expeditiously consumed the sweet tea and then I opened my cup to see three quarters of the volume filled with ice. I pulled a can of Arizona brand ‘Mucho Mango’ from my refrigerator and poured the beverage into my cup. Lo’ and behold that the McD’s Sweet Tea ice-laden cup could receive only 80% of the beverage contained in the Arizona can. The Arizona can is 23.5ozs. to begin with. McD is charging me $1.09 for less than 20ozs. of their proprietary beverage. What the peanut butter and jelly shit is this?!?

Arizona brand still charges $.99 for their tall boy of iced tea beverages which also contain 29 grams of HFCS per serving. While Tropical Fantasy is still the G.O.A.T. for sweetened tea products even though they have raised their price to $.59 for every 16oz. bottle (that’s $1.18 for 32 fl. ozs.). I am demanding two (2) things now from McDonald’s Corporation…

  • 1) Rescind the mandatory ice statute, or at least offer the ‘ice exemption’ on after hours purchases
  • 2) I need to see the nutritional content of the Sweet Tea product. What type of sweetner is used. If McDonald’s is using actual sugar to sweeten their product then I would be open to giving them a higher rating.

    • Posted in C.R.E.A.M., Fanboy Ish, H.A.M., No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Wig Owners | 13 Comments »

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