Archive for the ‘Fashion Faux Pas’ Category

HAMMMMMM-TASTIC!

Friday, February 2nd, 2007

hamzan

I would be totally remiss if I didn’t have the H.A.M. catalogs built for you this weekend.

Big shouts to the chicks who run the site ‘Hot Ghetto Mess’! They were given a television deal with the Negro Network (where else, of course).

Shouts to my girl at CRUNKtastical.

CONCRETE LOOP is always in the building.

Those are my favorite sites when I’m fiending for ghetto celebrity swine. I’m sure that you have your own faves because, hey, who doesn’t like H.A.M.?

The DP Dot Com SuperBowl Pool

Friday, February 2nd, 2007

rex

Here’s how this pool works… Everybody has to choose a number between 0-9 for the Bears and a number between 0-9 for the Colts. If your number combination comes up at halftime you win a DP Dot Com prize pack (CD’s, free shit from my apartment). The same deal is in effect for whoever gets their number combo in the final score.

Let me show you exactly how it works… STARRKEYSHA says : BEARS – 4 and COLTS – 6. Halftime score = BEARS 24, COLTS 16 she is a winner.

Anybody can play. Even you humps that have never left a comment before and just come here hoping that I will give away free shit. Now is your chance to leave your first comment and get some free shit. Win-win is what I’d say.

Mommy, What’s a WIG BRUSHER?

Thursday, February 1st, 2007

wigs

As the internets influence expands into the popular lexicon I think it’s important to clearly define some of the terms that the blogosphere has created. JIG WORDS was a celebration of the language that we use on the web. It was entertaining and informative. Using that same desire to bring information to the people made me realize the need for this drop.

I have recently been conscripted to develop content for the progressively important website ‘A Salute To Weed Carriers‘. There has been some confusion about whether a Weed Carrier and a Wig Brusher are in fact the same people since the Weed Holder and Wig Owner are often the same character. The truth is that there is a big difference between the Weed Carrier and the Wig Brusher. The Weed Carrier is highly expendable. In a way, that’s a requirement of the job. You have to be willing to take the fall for the Weed Holder. Weed Carriers keep the Weed Holder out of trouble. Without a reliable Weed Carrier in their entourages you can see what happened to SNOOP DOGG and MICHAEL VICK?

snizzle

The Wig Brusher’s responsibility to the Wig Owner is very different, but equally important. The Wig Brusher has to make sure that the Wig Owner looks good in public. If the Wig Owner’s wig is slightly askew in comes the Brusher with their brush and comb set as well as a bottle a spray sheeen to maintain thhe wigs luster. The Wig Brusher understands that the better looking the Wig Owner’s wig appears the more wigs the Wig Owner will acquire. More wigs means more brushing opportunities and subsequently wig owning possibilities for the best brushers.

ye KANGAY – WEED HOLDER/WIG OWNER
KANGAY has been running through Weed Carriers lately (nullus). LUPE, G.L.C. and the Teriyaki Boys to name a few. However, he’s kept his Wig Brusher on lock.

mimefest RHYMEFEST – OLD WEED CARRIER
I’m not sure who convinced this dude that carrying KANYE’S sacks was a bad thing, but now we have another rapper who won’t be recouping his advance money. If FESTER ciuld get a penny for every time that a Historically Black College or University band played ‘Jesus Walks’ he might have himself busfare.

cons CONSEQUENCE – NEW WEED CARRIER
KANGAY’s latest Weed Carrier loves to play dress up in YE’s closet.

Hey CONS! Closets are for clothes.


johnny cakes JOHN LEGEND – WIG BRUSHER
KANYE’s consort and number one Wig Brusher. KANGAY sketches charcoal pictures of JOHN LEGEND while he sleeps in the nude.

jayzee JAY-Z – WEED HOLDER/WIG OWNER
JAY-Z is the rap music’s number one Wig supplier. That used to be HUSTLE SIMMONS position but after years of yoga and T.I. sack spooning he couldn’t create wig owners any longer. JAY-Z has more wigs and weed than he knows what to do with, and even though his longtime Weed Carrier MEMPHIS BLEEK has been retired from active duty there’s no shortage of second rate rappers ready to hold his bags.

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PEEDI CRACK – PROFESSIONAL WEED CARRIER
PEEDI PEE is one of JAY-Z’s many Weed Carriers from Philadelphia. PEEDI likes to take bubblebaths like TUPAC and DIDDY.

truly

TRU LIFE – AMATUER WEED CARRIER
From right out of the gate this Weed Carrier has stumbled and fallen. The internets went nuts after some DipSet Wig Brushers hacked into his MySpace page and gave dude a new look.

jaynas

NaSIR JONES – G.O.A.T. WIG BRUSHER
After securing victory during one of Hip-Hop’s greatest rap battles NaS chose to find himself under the wing of his archrival. In what most rap fans might call a concession, but what we call the greatest display of manhood within an almost totally childish genre. NaS’ gesture opens the door for other emcees to find common ground too. GAME and FISTY, CAM’RON and MASE, BIG BOI and ANDRE 3000? Anything is possible in the world of Wig Brushing.

You Don’t Know My Name…

Wednesday, January 31st, 2007

keys

And she still don’t shave her chest.

Shouts to Alex2.0 from Stuck In A Quarter Life Crisis who is this site’s biggest ALICIA KEYS supporter. I guess she figured she’d get the jump on everybody over here by outing her favorite follicularly cursed chanteuse turned actress.

I bet you KEYS is one of those hairy back broads.

keys

SNEAKER FIENDS UNITE!

Tuesday, January 30th, 2007

pimps

HOTLANTA STAND UP!

I was in the A during the summer at Dukes new cribos and the Sneaker Pimps traveling convention was in town. Nobody can ever represent like NYC but folks in the ATL still showed they had some flavor. Peep some of the kicks these ‘bama fools be rocking…

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The VENUS WILLIAMS and MANU GINOBILI Dunks. Sneaker Pimps in ATL had an unusual number of broads wearing stilettos. I heard that there were supposed to be strippers walking through the crowd naked because that is something they do a lot in Atlanta, but I didn’t see any. Thank goodness too, you can’t get your sneaker nerd on with flapjacks and hairpie stinking up the joint.

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I give props to this vanilla milkshake dude for bringing his collection of shit to make all the Black boys jealous. This is a boss player move to make your girl a sneaker fiend along with you.

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Homo thugs.

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Sneaker fiends in Atlanta prah’lee run through a lot of sneakers since most cats don’t wear socks. That sucks to pay some decent money for your joints only to have them shits smelling like a hot opened bag of Dipsy Doodles corn chips come August.

atl pimps
atl pimps
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Well looky here!?! Atlanta went and took it there by inviting some of that new young futuristic snatch to the party. Philipino chicks are the new young truth in 2007. These chicks have flavor and they look so right in some Frankie B pum pum shorts.

Speaking of shorts, I can smell the faint hint of pee pee and baby powder in these little girls pants. Mmmmmm-mmmm.

atl pimps
Dukes came with me to the party because she wanted to see the Kool Keith – Doctor Octagynecologist performance. Dukes is down with underground rap like a mother.

atl pimps
This dude won my ‘Pimp of the Party’ award for bringing out a crispy pair of ‘Live Together, Play Together Do The Right Thing’ Air Raids. I told him I still have the jacket, but he was too young to know what that meant. Kids…