Archive for the ‘Fashion Faux Pas’ Category

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIRDBRAIN

Friday, February 24th, 2006

dusty boys

Editor’s note: If you have a hard time reading the embedded text the above picture was poached from CRUNK and Disorderly. You should go there today and view more of the celebrity Negro madness that they have on display.

BRYAN ‘BIRDMAN’ WILLIAMS celebrated his birthday this week with his brother ‘SLIM’ and a couple of weed carriers.

This photograph is interesting on several different levels and I will try to explain why I had to post it on my page.

1) At what point are you old enough to not have to make hand signs. Let’s assume that as an established O.G. you have been ‘throwing up’ your set for 10-20 years. Shouldn’t everybody know you by now?

2) When you are showing said signs of ‘professional affiliation’ shouldn’t there be some uniformity? I count four(4) different hand signs being displayed assuming that the indifference shown by SLIM is another set within the same overall ‘professional affiliation’.

3) Now that 40 is the new fourteen does this excuse teenagers if they aren’t potty trained?

Take a good look at this picture. This is what a wealthy Black man aspires to look like on the anniversary of his release from his mother’s womb. Even though you can’t see it in this photo trust me that there is a Louis Vuitton print handbasket somewhere near them and inside of it is a whole gang of hell.

Happy Black History Month.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: CAP’N CRUNCH

Friday, February 24th, 2006

kangizzle

I know that we just did one of these with your cousin KANGAY, but I was visiting NAH’RIGHT and I saw a comment that likened your mans-n-them and his tiny jackets to the good CAP’N. I even had to admit that seemed to be an astute and informed comparison. I mean, just read the box… “stays crunchy… even in milk”, “sugar sweet”.

But who am I to make fun of this statesman? He obviously has people following his lead.

capn crizzle

KANGAY WEST does care about pirates.

SECRET LIVES of GHETTO CELEBS

Friday, February 24th, 2006

miss jay z

Can you imagine the fierce cat fight that occurred backstage at the House of Dereon stripper wear showcase when MISS JAY and JAY-Z arrived sporting a similiar casual set up?!?

Mr.CARTER will tell you that he’s a writer and not a biter and he had the name JAY first. You better work SEAN.

NBA TIGHT PANTS SLAM DUNK CHAMPION

Sunday, February 19th, 2006

my name is spud

Some of you young’ns won’t recognize the name or the game of ANTHONY WEBB, but that is prah’lee why you come to this site in the first place. For the O.G. education that only your cousin BILLY SUNDAY can provide. Since this is the time of the year when O.G. NBA Tight Pants jigs convene with the next generation of longshortsmen (and rapists) I thought it would be appropriate to drop a post about the greatest Tight Pants All-Star dunk contest.

There were classic high flyers in the contest like long socks legend LARRY NANCE.

larry nizzle

New York Knick forward KENNY ‘SKY’ WALKER wore his ‘flat top’ haircut as recently as 2003

touch the sky

DOMINIQUE WILKINS did his patented array of two-handed tomahawk slams

the dominator

But no one could match the crowd pleasing hops or the technical difficulty that ANTHONY ‘SPUD’ WEBB displayed.

spud

Standing at only a hair over 5feet tall, SPUD WEBB was even considered short outside of an NBA arena. The one thing that SPUD wasn’t short on was desire.

In the final round of the contest KENNY ‘SKY’ WALKER did an amazing dunk where his flattop nearly touhed the backboard.

touch the sky

I didn’t think that the ‘SKY’ WALKER could be beat because he wore a second pair of tight pants under his already tight Tight Pants team shorts. I figured that he had taken Tight Pants to the exponential level, but my mathematical calculations were awry. You see at SPUD WEBB’s height he technically wore the tightest pants of any Tight Pants All Star. KENNY WALKER would not have been able to fit a thigh in SPUD WEBB’s tight pants.

they call me spud

SPUD WEBB then brought the crowd out of their seats with an incredible 360-degree spinning, behind the back, two-handed slam which won the dunk contest and gave little people a brief moment to believe that they too could touch the sky.

WHEEEEEEEEEE!!! The Internets is Fun…

Sunday, February 19th, 2006

lil' darry

Well here I go internets fam, balls to the walls, pedal to the metal, sitting in my parents basement with no clothes on except for a pair of wool blend socks, sipping Crystal Light and Level vodka from my special cup with the crazy straw, listening to the J. DILLA tribute on the local college radio station.

Damn that’s boys good!

How happy were you when you found out that the BOONDOCKS would make it to a second season? The BOONDOCKS is almost too real for television which makes me wonder out loud why the best programming nowadays in terms of political and moral satire is always a cartoon. South Park, The Simpsons and Family Guy go to places that a network would never permit live actors to touch. The MLK Jr. episode was part sage, part genius, all hilarity. Some priveleged haters must have pulled SHARPTON’s coattails in order for him to fuss about the show, but I guess he fell back when he found out that everyone in his office watches Adult Swim at 11pm on Sundays.

jig words

Volkswagen has a brand new ad company and as usual, when people want to seem hip they stripmine urban culture for slang and idioms. VW use of phrases like “in da haus” and “straight outta da Autobahn” will prah’lee confuse consumers into thinking that the jigs from ‘Pimp My Ride’ have taken over the manufacturing. All these jig words can’t be a help for the other focus that VW is trying to achieve. A reconnection to their O.G. German roots. Anyhoo, this sounds like some phony hinterland Nazi posturing to me since the majority of VW’s are made in Mexico. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

You guys read my political rants about the Administration and you ask me what I think we should do. Here’s what I think we should do. 2008 isn’t that far off and at least he’s been The Man with The Plan.

Despite being the most over-exposed entertainer since DIANA ROSS there has been no sighting yet of pictures featuring an overexposed BeYONCE KNOWLES. You know she has got to have some nude pics out there somewhere. The KNOWLES family must have connections with the National Security Administration in order to keep those pics under wraps. You do know that the dude that purportedly impregnated BeYONCE back in her H-Town high school days has mysteriously disppeared?!? I hope that he wasn’t in or around upstate New York because he may have fallen victim to the legendary woodland beast – ASSQUATCH.

assquatch