CRUNK and Disorderly showed me that the problems begin with a deity complex and a love for little boys’ jackets.
With a few more grammy awards you can substitute a ‘BUBBLES’ for a JAMIE or a JOHN.
The tiny jacket is the key for your upgrade to the ‘other’ white meat.
But eventually, the tiny jacket drags you into a wormhole of mental insanity.
In Search of… The HOLY GRAIL.
My quest continues for the Holy Grail of footwear. For now I am turning my attentions away from the NIKE Air Tech Challenge tennis shoes inspired by ANDRE AGASSI to another one of my favorite shoes endorsed by a world class athlete. There wasn’t a whole lot that VINCENT EDWARD JACKSON didn’t know and one of the things he knew best was how to excite an arena full of spectators.
Whether it was the tape measure length home runs he smashed before the happy go lucky steroids era in baseball or the brutal pounding(no brokeback) that he issued to any defensive players that tried to tackle him on the gridiron, BO JACKSON was the O.G. human highlight reel.
Where DEION ‘PRIMETIME’ SANDERS was all trashtalk and flash, JACKSON was all smash, as in smashmouth. In his first year playing football for the Los Angeles Raiders, JACKSON rushed for 554 yards with only 81 carries. That amounts to almost seven yards of offense every time he touched the ball. Some quareterbacks can’t match that average of production and they throw the ball down the field.
BO was also a beast on the baseball diamond. 1989 was his break out season with the Kansas City Royals. JACKSON finshed forth in the American League in home runs, and runs batted in. Mind you, this is before all the MLB players were juicing so these are numbers based on sheer talent and skills.
BO’s biggest contribution to sport was the campaign that NIKE created to promote his cross-training sneakers.
The ads were titled ‘BO knows’ and they featured JACKSON doing a litany of other activities that were athletic and cerebral. Who knew that BO was also great at tennis, golf, auto racing and he could even play the blues guitar alongside legendary musician BO DIDDLEY? Well, maybe BO couldn’t play the blues, but I sure would like to play in those blue Air Trainer 3’s. If anybody has a hook up at Athlete’s Foot or Foot Locker please holler at the kid.
The sickest pair of A.T. 3’s that I have come across are the VioTechs.
I call them the Air Jokerz Quickstrike
Not the crapper from Magnolia, but the website’s very own video producer, who incidentally is from the N.O. too. Go figure.
America! Don’t be fooled by this tragic mulatto debutante and her cotillion curls. NICOLE RICHIE is a cold-blooded killer.
I think I may have solved the murder of ISRAEL RAMIREZ. Bear with me for a sec internets fam…
CHOCOLATE SNOWFLAKE loves to watch Law & Order: Criminal Intent, but that show pisses me off because they are always solving crimes in under an hour. It’s been how many years since TUPAC and B.I.G. were killed and nobody has even been indicted. Those fucks from Law & Order would have solved this shit by now along with the JONBENET case.
So while she watched the tube I fucked(no brokeback) around on the internets. I wanted to see what the jigs were up to so I started with the CRUNK & Disorderly website. C & D is cute and it’s easy to navigate because there aren’t too many bells and whistles. Not like her sister friend’s site BEAUTIFUL HUSTLE, which is visually stunning, but busy as all get out. So anyhoo, I linked from C & D to another website showcasing the jig madness, called CONCRETE LOOP. The post that comes up is the one detailing BUSTA RHYMES post-op haircut interview at an L.A. radio station.
In the interview BUSTA had some slick sideways shit to say about PIDDY, which lead the Hip-Hop cops to shadow SEAN just in case they could put another gun charge on the kid. But I found BUSTA’s remark about “LIONEL RICHIE’s daughter” to be the real clue. Why couldn’t BUSTA come out and say her name? Was it LIONEL RICHIE who orchestrated the hook-up? Here was the real mystery…
Dun-dun
Editor’s note: Whenever you see the above phrase; dun-dun, it is your cue to imagine the endscene sound effect from Law & Order
So why would LIONEL RICHIE set up his daughter with BUSTA? Keep in mind that NICOLE is adopted so LIONEL RICHIE could technically enjoy that young poon himself, a la WOODROW.
I think your boy LIONEL RICHIE is a capo, and he is connected to the Care Free Curls Mafia.
LIONEL RICHIE had been trying to recruit BUSTA prior to him cutting his locks. NICOLE RICHIE was like an offering to BUSTA because his hair had grown so long. If LIONEL RICHIE could convince BUSTA to join him in the CFCM can you imagine what a boon to the hair care industry that might have been, let alone the SoftSheen-Carson bottom line? But then BUSTA double-crossed them and cut off his hair. LIONEL RICHIE did the only thing that you can do when someone backs out on their word. He sent in his goons.
Dun-dun
Well actually, he sent his wild whoreish daughter who wasn’t much of a good shot to begin with. She disguised herself as a homeless derelict, which everyone assumed to be TONY YAYO since he is like 50yrs. old and has been seen digging through garbage cans.
She tried to gain access onto the video production set. This was a good idea since there were reportedly five entertainers and almost 500 umbrella holders on the set. Everybody knows that crapper entourages love hitting up the free sody pop at the craft services tent. When security denied NICOLE RICHIE, disguised as a homeless person, possibly TONY YAYO, entry onto the set she flipped out and started blasting.
Dun-dun
I don’t blame BUSTA for being shook neither. The thing about the CFCM is that they are in the highest positions in the entertainment world. When MICHAEL JACKSON tried to get out of the CFCM by relaxing his hair you see how quickly they brought him down. Word on the street is that the Care Free Curls Mafia already has their sights set on another rapper.
This episode also gave me a clearer perspective on how the big homie LIONEL RICHIE stacks all that paper.
Activator residuals biatch!
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties with our image hosting gallery, but as soon as super tech JACQUI HERNANDEZ fixes the glitch you will have a brand new album full of fresh H.A.M. featuring ‘hood celebs like the Ghetto OLSENS.
Don’t try to act like you muslim and say that you don’t enjoy the H.A.M.