Archive for the ‘Weird Science’ Category

Oil Fields = Killing Fields…

Friday, June 25th, 2010

killing fields

^ Study how the vic getting clapped on gets transformed into the British Petroleum dandelion. It really works that way too. In a few thousand years all the bodies of the people who were merc’ked by the Khmer Rogue will become some fossil fuel we will use to do the shit what we do.

WIRED mag from 2007

Altho’ the Deepwater Horizon oil rig disaster is wild bad (I suppose) it was bound to happen sooner or later and its likely to happen again and again. The problem isn’t British Petroleum who contracted TransOcean to put the hole in the ground underwater. The problem is you. And me. But really, its more you. You see I recognize that shit like what happened in the Gulf is what happens in the world when niggas need iPhone 4Gs, Snuggies, sneakers, audiobooks and even plastic bags. Sheeeeeeed, paper too.

You can close this drop right now if you want or you can face the truth that you and your fake ass righteousness has always been the problem. You want to save the Earth but you steady killing it. You don’t want to be a racist but you tacitly approve the lynching of Black males. You want to be a vegetarian but your lying ass knows how much you love the taste of bacon on your lips. British Petroleum is your dealer and you are such an addict if they weren’t here you would go across the street corner to get your fix.

We rely on petroleum for EVERY FUCKING THING in our lives. EVERYTHING. You want to challenge me on that?!? Good luck, but you still can’t handle the truth. You don’t have the mental ability, determination or courage to live above petroleum production. The difference between you and I is that I won’t try to fool myself about the issue. There are drilling apparatus that have penetrated the Earth for greater than 6 miles (over 30,000ft) because you need the blood of your ancestors that badly. So as long as you read this weblog please recognize that you are the problem and British Petroleum is your scapegoat.

Let late night Jimmy Fallon with the help of the Roots, Brian Williams and Herbie Hancock bring some levity to your consciousness…

Beware Ebirah!

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

ebirah

I’m not so much worried anymore about all the animals who are being killed by the Gulf Oilpacalyse as much as I am worried about the animals we are creating.

I remember that Godzilla had to fight this giant lobster one time. So I went to the web to find out who that creature was and it turns out the nemesis was actually a giant crayfish called Ebirah.

ebirah

Crawdads are something like the official fish of Louisiana.

Now the story takes on some super awesome ecological allegory and British Petroleum is the badass greedy corporation that unleashes the monster. We need a Steven Speilberg, Joel Schumacher or Michael Bay to jump on the production of this shit ASAP.

The late great Spy magazine said that helicopters, explosions and dinosaurs are all the components you need to create a summer blockbuster movie. In that case this flick is almost writing itself.

ebirah

The real life irony is that oil is literally the liquid remains of life on this planet. Animals and plants fused together under incredible pressure and time immemorial.

Maybe Ebirah is just an agent of the Earth sent by his angry mother to put a correction to an addiction that we all suffer from?

ebirah

Breaking Bad FTW…

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

breaking bad

Peace to El Gringo Colombiano.

For the last couple of weeks I have been sitting on a couple of NetFlix DVDs of the previous seasons of ‘Breaking Bad’. I was watching the show when it debuted several years ago. I forgot how good it was. The series is offbeat and dark. A chemistry teacher becomes a crystal meth dealer in order to leave his family with some bread.

It’s not that simple and it doesn’t try to posit meth dealers as misunderstood chemists. The show is about a man’s descent into madness where he gives up everything he believes in to help the ones he loves. Okay, it’s not that idealistic either. It is damn good television tho’ and isn’t that the point?

I fux with ‘Breaking Bad’ and if you knew how to mix chemicals like I do, you would too.

Sean Price Sunday Cartoon Festival…

Sunday, June 6th, 2010

super ninja team gatachaman

No one fux with cartoons as much as Sean Price. Maybe DOOM, but then again I don’t think so.

Sean P asked me what was my favorite cartoon of all time. I fuxed with ALL the cartoons. Bugs Bunny is the GOAT character of cartoondom, but my favorite cartoon show of all time was G-Force. Not that more recent manga looking joint, but the Battle Of The Planets version. I use to hustle home hardbody to catch an episode of G-Force.

P!

super ninja team gatachaman

The next thing I know I got a whole grip of G-Force eps in my mailbox. I knew these joints were dope from back when but I forgot exactly how good they were. G-Force were like superhero environmentalists. The bad asses called Spectra were steady mobbing the Earth and affiliated planets for minerals and the what not. G-Force would block them every time even if they had to ‘transmute*’ into a fiery Phoenix. BTW, the animation in these episodes predate the Dark Phoenix saga in Marvel’s X-Men comics yet you can still clearly see American comicbook culture in the costuming of the characters.

The OG Japanese series is called ‘Science Ninja Team Gatchaman**‘.

*We’ll excuse the [ll] as if it got lost in translation.
**gatchaman gets pre-emptive [ll]

In this ep Spectra sends a robotic centipede to heist the Earth’s oil reserves. If British Petroleum had any cool motherfuxers on staff they might would’a known to blame that shit what happened in the Gulf on Zoltar.

The double bonus for British Petroleum would have been how the name Zoltar sounds like an a-rab.

G-Force vs. the Spectra Sea Serpent from dallas penn on Vimeo.

Celebrate National Running Day 2010…

Saturday, May 29th, 2010

nb nat running day

and win a pair of New Balance shoes!

Now y’all know how I feel about running for no reason, but as part of my promise to Chocolate Snowflake to become healthier and increase the quality of my lifestyle I’ve become more active at least in walking. Little things like eschewing an elevator or escalator for stairs and walking to my favorite supermarket (PathMark Atlantic Terminal FTW!) are part of the program.

But I am also admittedly a rewards-driven animal. My new favorite sneaker company is stepping in with a promotion that is right up my alley. [ll] to something being up my alley. New Balance is giving away free sneakers on June 2nd for National Running Day, and you don’t even have to be some psycho sidewalk jogger to win yourself a pair either. It’s as easy as going to NewBalance.com and creating a profile.

If the global epidemic of obesity in developed nations is secretly some alien plot to fatten us up because that will make us taste better at the armageddon BBQ then you are going to need yourself a pair of shoes that will help you run faster when the proverbial shit his the fan. If and when those stinking aliens catch me at least my feet will be comfortably stylish.

nb574