Throwing some D’s on your chest might not be what’s up after all. A United States study performed on Swedish women found that women who had undergone breast augmentation were three times as likely to commit suicide as women who had not had the procedure. Along with that study the researchers also found that women with breast implants were also three times more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol as women who had not been under the knife. Basically, this report confirms everything I always suspected about big fake titty bitches. They are crazy as fuck.
This is why I’m an ass man, and I love women who try to get pregnant through their butts. Believe it or not, but these broads are way saner than C-cup ho’s. Give me a big booty broad with a cute face and some A/B tittays any day over some gorgonzola with basketballs in her bra. Face it, those D-cups will be down to her knees when she’s in her sixties, and that’s only going to eff up some of the best snatch out on the streets right now. Post-menopausal grandma poon is a gift from GOD. No one gives better love than a grandma. Especially when she pulls out her dentures.
You want more proof that large fake titty broads are banana bread crazy? The chick that smuggled herself across state lines to get with that astronaut dude. Yep. D-cups. Foxy Brown was already nuts. That bitch is CHARLES MANSON crazy now. BRITNEY SPEARS was never this fucked up as a natural B-cup. Now she is giving her baby’s sody pop in their bottles because she can’t nurse them naturally from her cigarette smoke-filled fake milkbags. Big fake tits only get in the way of a good time anyway. Natural D’s might have some use though if the chick is lactating, and then she can put some milk on my Franken-Berry cereal, but other than that I definitely don’t need a crazy big fake titty bitch in my life.
Dr. BILLY SUNDAY is not a registered physician or general practitioner.
Editor’s note: A 40 DAWG homage to the greatest jig hairstyle. Evar.
The hi-top fade hit the black community like everything else in the 80’s – HARD. Seeking a reprieve from the chemically processed curls, and with the shag/ducktail going the way of “The Smurf” dance, young black males sought out a new defining coif. The classic fade cut was nothing new, I got pics of my Uncle Chappie attending a Harlem Rens game with his era’s interpretation of “close on the sides and leave some on top”. For the most part the fade in previous manifestations had been more military than militant. Flash forward to 1986, the year it seemed everything changed.
The lore of the era was that the hi-top was an homage to the way we rocked our wigs in the motherland and with everything based in something African at this cultural crossroads I figured it made some sense. However I think we need to give more credit to the codpiece clad funkonaut Larry Blackmon who’s band became the names sake of this cut. Other early names I knew for the cut bore regional names like “The Philly” or “The Jersey”. Discrepancy of origin aside we all skinned off the sides and let the top run amok. The hi-top fade was my first real foray into “affordable style” for the kid. Moms wasn’t coming off the loot for fashions of the day, and the cautionary tales of friends and relatives caught in the crack game didn’t push me into that form of employ for financial gain. However I had my man Junior Black who was holding it down with the clippers in his mom’s basement. He had all the pics from the legendary Kinapps in Brooklyn which had intricate designs like “Ashanti Warrior” and “The Sudan”, so if my gear was subpar I was gonna keep my wig game proper. J.Black knocked out some classics out of that basement, slopes, Gumbies, bleached out fronts, parts, designs, steps*, etc.
Like everything else that goes mainstream there is the good and the bad. Christopher “Kid” Martin made a whole career largely on that do, on the flip no one singlehandedly did more to destroy the hi-top fade than R&B supergroup TROOP. I’m glad the music industry was not as visual oriented as it is today because their career would have been submarined by letting
LeatherFace be their barber. (Actually I think it caught up to them eventually!). I think we can all say by 1991 the hi-top fade was replaced by brothers who dreaded theirs out or deaded it all together. I think I speak for the masses when we spend the last 15 years of our life ridiculing some of those high school photos and shiver when “House Party” comes on and have to explain to the babies that “Yes I actually had my hair like that.”
“But I don’t party and shake my butt, I leave that to the brothers with the funny haircuts!” – (c)Ice Cube, “Jackin’ 4 Beats”.
Man that line pissed me off when I first heard it, Coming from a cat who was still sleeping with a shower cap on and could make any community pool seem like the Exxon Valdez accident by merely jumping in. But as time has gone on maybe O’Shea Jackson was actually right. White folks had their cut – THE MULLET, and Billy Ray Cyrus got by on his hair as much as Kid did. Plus if you see that Mullet Family pic in the drop Dallas had a little while back you need no more further evidence on its hilarity. Well I’d like to put The Hi-Top Fade into that same pool. Yeah we were all cool as fuck when it we rocked it, but we also gotta let the past stay the past and enjoy the historical humor that it currently provides.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m hella proud of some of the dynamic fades I rocked, (in fact I’m trying to find one to put on my passport pictures) but somethings just need to stay in the past like smallpox and swine flu. I hear hipsters trying to promote the return of the hi-top, and if you ask me all these Williamsburg emigrants can all go somewhere with that. It was great while it lasted and while we lived it, and just because companies have “retroed” all types of nostalgia so people can get a second chance, I think this one just needs to be preserved in the annals of Hip-Hop History…
*Regarding “The Steps” – my mother so hated that haircut in the picture that after having it for that one day she marched me to the barbershop to get me a full fledged scalping. In regards to the level of pain inflicted, it still ranks on the top 10 punishments. EVAR.
True story is that I need Mondays to catch up on my sleep because my weekends are so banana bread crazy. As soon as my 9-2-5 shut down on Friday afternoon it was on like Cheech and Chong in a Sean John thong.
My peeps at The Brooklyn Circus invited me to the launch of their summer sale called the Black Out. Brooklyn Circus is my man fifty grand from forever, AL D Square along with a consortium of his homies. Together they are taking Brooklyn’s fashion forward sense and going worldwide with their movement.
Whenever they are in town from overseas, mostly Japan, I know they have some sick shit for me to copp. They had a mean run of limited SBTG x Nike Dunks up in that piece and they were priced right as well. At the end of that day that’s all that really matters to me. Vitamin Water… Not so much.
After I left the Brooklyn Circus I slid over to the Prospect Park bandshell to eff with the Teacher a/k/a Blastmaster KRS-1. Actually, Ladybug Mecca was opening for KRS and I imagine that Digable Planets would have done a track or two in honor of ‘Blowout Comb’, but even with their initials as D.P. I couldn’t get to the park on time. KRS was on time however and he reigned supreme this night in Brooklyn.
The teacher, KRS-1
What a lot of people don’t know is that KRS-1 actually hails from the county of Kings. His classic song ‘South Bronx’ was an homage to the beginnings of Hip-Hop as he experienced them. KRS moved us to shout out loud, nod our heads, wave our hands and stomp our feet with his definition of Hip-Hop and his catalog of hit songs. Being hip to something is having knowledge and intelligence, while the hop is about getting your body up and down instead of standing still. Hip-Hop to KRS-1 is the intelligent movement of a generation. KRS-1 may be batshit crazy sometimes, but like E.F. Hutton, when he talks, everybody listens. Peep this interview with him over at UnKut dot com.
The following day started like most weekends with me giving praise to the most high for getting me through another week. I had a call on my cellphone from SoundWave who came into New York City overnight from Virginia Beach. It’s been a minute that I have seen my dude ever since he came home. I haven’t made a trip to VA Beach in forever and he usually comes to NYC in true ninja style, getting in and out in the same day.
My homie E.R. a/k/a The Black Marty Markowitz had just texted me a day earlier with an offer to go to the Zune ‘Live At The BBQ’ concert. The lineup was dope too, but I almost didn’t consider effing with it because the people at Zune shitbagged me. Back in June I asked the Zune people to sponsor the cRap Music Fantasy League. No big commitment either. Just a free Zune player to the winner of this round and in return I would take my joint out of the box and preview it instead of selling it on eBay. These dudes didn’t even return my e-mail. So I felt a little ways about supporting their brand. Good thing I called E.R. and took him up his offer. This Zune ‘Live At The BBQ’ concert has trumped every event I have been to this summer. Including the Rock The Bells concert last week.
First of all, E.R. is like the ‘hoods mayor and he had us laced with VIP status. This was the kind of VIP status that the game needs more of. Free food and unlimited free drinks. I wish RAFI could have been here because this was the event that he deserved to chill at. We’ve had to work at the Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival and the Rock The Bells show, albeit iNternets Celebrity work isn’t actual work either, but today I got to be strictly a fan of Hip-Hop again and just chill my will. I saw some great stage shows while listening to some great Hip-Hop music.
JOELL ORTIZ opened the show up. You already know that I’m riding for this dude to win, hardbody. JOELL is the young truth in rap music today. He’s not inventing silly dance anthems or nursery rhyme songs. Nothing but straight up Hip-Hop from this dude.
JOELL ORTIZ featuring Jadakiss and Saigon – ‘Hip-Hop(remix)’
Boot Camp Clik represented with Smif-n-Wessun and Buckshot Shorty. Masta Ace came through and spit some of his joints. The Clipse, along with the Re-Up Gang did a set of their joints. Large Professor was in the building as well. While J Period held down the decks for the entire afternoon, he brought out the Lox, and even brought back together the Brand Nubians. Yes. Grand Puba, Sadat X and Lord Jamar. How the hell can you say you aren’t fucking with Brand Nubians? Do us all a favor. Stick your favorite rapper’s high heeled shoes in your eyesocket and then put your head in an oven and just kill yourself.
BRAND NUBIAN – ‘Love Me, Or Leave Me Alone’
I hadn’t seen the Lox perform for a minute either since I caught this B.I.G. tribute at the old Palladium in Manhattan. Individually they all have had a gang of hits since then. Jadakiss is still one of the most underrated rappers for someone with his lyrical skill. Inside the VIP section, which was nearly as crowded as the general admit area it was the place to debate who the G.O.A.T. rapper was. Everyone’s favorite punching bag music blogger TOM BRIEHAN was in that piece and still repping the Baltimore Orioles.
BRIEHAN asked me what the deal was and why the beef wasn’t squashed yet. I told dude everything was everything, but he was like, “Nahh man, why you had to shit on me when you was going at Noz?” I couldn’t recall what was said because just like Jay-Z, I never write any of this shit down, but BRIEHAN remembered exactly. My bad TOM. There’s a place at the Hip-Hop table for you and Noz, well actually, maybe just you.
I chopped it up for a few minutes with IAN from Notes. IAN’s site was one of the places that I framed DP Dot Com after. I wanted a site that described the Hip-Hop generation for our comprehensive worldviews and our knowledge of the political arena. If you aren’t familiar with Notes From A Different Kitchen leave this site now and acquaint yourself. It’s serious like that. And the Zune concert was so serious that even Eskay took a break from his laboratory, Nah’Right dot com, to come through. Eskay prah’lee came to see the Brand Nubian reunion and the Lox performance was an added bonus.
The Zune people definitely surprised me because the shit was thorough like a muv all day long. The free food was dope, the free booze was very necessary and the headliner was the G.O.A.T. of solo rap artists. LL Cool J got on stage and did a forty five minute set that was high fucking energy. This dude gets down like it was 1987 all over again. I remember seeing LL like twenty years ago in Madison Square Garden for this concert called Fresh Fest. Run-DMC were the headliners and EPMD. Public Enemy. KRS-1, Whodini and Rakim all performed. LL did this shit were he busted out of a boom box radio. The set wasn’t even that elaborate on Saturday, but LL still killed shit without a hypeman. I hate to go on and on about this concert, but damn, I won.
LL COOL J – ‘Mama Said Knock You Out’
LL COOL J – ‘Rock The Bells’
When I got back around the way there was still over an hour of music left at the Brooklyn Museum of Art. Every August their First Saturday program is centered around Caribbean culture and art. The expansive parking lot hosts a reggae dancehall party that is the precursor to the Labor day parade on Eastern Parkway. I always enjoy peeping the local snowflakes cruising for some Carib action. I tell the ladies to back up because I already have my own snowflake, and she’s a Chocolate Snowflake. It’s called the best of both worlds. C.S. and I are going to Wingate Field tonight to see LAURYN HILL in concert. I hope ol’ girl comes with her classic shit instead of that weepy crap she’s been passing off lately. We’ll see how it all goes down. Holler at a blogger when you see one on the streets.
Shouts to RAY – the founder, president, cameraman and sometimes janitor @ Mighty Healthy clothing company
In the first battle of the baby MySpace pics nekkid baby blogger took out the competition from an assortment of iNternets Celebrities like GABEROCKKA, Humanity Critic and D-Nice. Even New York Giants superstar running back RYAN GRANT was bested.
This next battle is for supremacy inside the lovely ladies division. Let’s see who the queen of the baby MySpace pics is going to be.
FRESHIFER LOPEZ a/k/a FreshLo
Even as a baby she was sitting in the throne. You should already know that Fresh is the queen of these iNternets from her grind at Crunk & Disorderly. If you don’t know, please ask somebody.
Baby Unruly Brown a/k/a One Cool Honey Baby
Unruly Brown is a vet on the blogging set. I fucks with Unruly because she is all about her business. If you got a dream and you are ready to work on the plan then make sure you have her in your corner to help you stack that paper.
Phoenix Rising
Most of you folks that have been to the DP Dot Comments Section know this sister as Sasha. Here you see her going for the gold medal in a two-piece cheerleader outfit that gets ROBERT SYLVESTER’s vote. Yikes!.
The Cocoa Twins
It’s hard not to eff with Aunt Jackie’s Cocoa Twins.
Shorty Whitebread says, “Eff what you heard! I always caught young wood for this Jamaican nanny that I had back when I was three. I have no idea if there is a Hell when I leave this planet, but I know where I came from, and the twins are the doorknockers to Heaven’s gate.”
To wrap up our week with guest editor, rapper KANYAYZE WEST, we thought we’d ask him one of the most important questions concerning Hip-Hop right now. It’s not about politics, or sales figures, or even who has the sickest rhyme flow of all time. The question is so much realer than that. In the words of DP Dot Com sponsor and award winning blogger ZILLZ from Zilla Says, the ultimate questions is “What Does It Smell Like!?!”(click on icon)
WDISL!?! gets to the core of the human condition. If we are nothing more than animals walking upright (most times) then why don’t we give the proper credit to that sense which conveys our emotional state? Smell is as, if not more important than sight, and WDISL!?! proves this without a doubt. Let’s take a look at some images along with ‘YE TUDDA and find out what his nose knows…
SERENA WILLIAMS a/k/a CHOCOLATE SHE-HULK
‘YE TUDDA says, “Serena boonkey is thick, but the streets say that she smell like a wrestler on Andro. Plus I imagine that she has played with her share of dirty, sweaty tennis balls. I wouldn’t trust it until I see a picture from the front side. Serena might could be one of those chicks who got a ‘surprise’ for you.”
DEELISHUS
‘YE TUDDA says, “Now I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger… Flav gave her that little taste of Hollywood, but deep inside she is still a hoodrat that you drink 40’s and smoke blunts with. Wasn’t she the Flav chick that shitted on herself?”
BUFFIE The BODY
‘YE TUDDA says, “First off, homegirl’s booty is wild retarded. Shit is just stupid big. I know she can’t wipe her ass right so you best believe there is still some doodee caked up in the crack. And I smell burning latex from all the niggas that done smashed that. Play at your own risk homey.”
EVA LONGWHORIA
‘YE TUDDA says, “I smell mangos, stinky ass French cheese and used gym socks. Every Mexican chick I ever fucked with loved mangos, and because of her man you know she already got that crazy French people b.o. from the shit they eat. I might would still hit it though.”
SEXY YOUNG MYSPACE HONEY
‘YE TUDDA says, “Ba’ygirl smell like potpourri, paby bowder and a hot, sweet cinnamon roll. She was only seventeen, but she was sexy. I love when these young girls get onto MySpace and act like this was the first time that they did a striptease. Chick please stop frontin’!”
