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As I get closer to wrapping up this series of all the super heroines that I have gotten my rub out on to I see that I am mostly infatuated by redheads. It could be because my great-grandfather was a mick whose last name was O’LOUGHLIN. It could be because my mom is a redhead ([ll] to any and all Oedipal ideas). Truth is that it’s prah’lee because redheads are so effing sexy inside of the comic book universe. They are beautiful. They are powerful. They are compelling. They are kick ass hot.

Jean Grey was going to be my wife for years because I knew that nigga Cyclops wasn’t hitting her right. Actually, I think I realized with Jean Grey that some women are just like wild stallions. You can ride them for a while, but eventually they have to break free and run off. These are the types of chicks I have dated all my life. Bawdy, hussy broads that stepped hard when they walked into a room.

Jean Grey was a hot stepper herself, especially though when she became the Black Queen. The Black Queen was on some serious dominatrix steez. How many of you fanboys wanna make a bet that she pegged Mastermind’s Jason Wyngarde personality after she broke through his metal control. Son was turned out to the tenth power. After that Jean Grey became the dark Phoenix. The Dark Phoenix was sexy as hell, and malevolent as fuck. Think about it. She needed to consume a star just to temporarily satisfy her black hole.

The Dark Phoenix also made me realize the overwhelming feminine aspect of GOD. The universe emerges from a Black Hole. And where do all babies come out of?

A black hole.

Scarlet Witch was another sexy redhead with a banging body and a shitload of powers that I wanted to snuggle up with. But that was before she went all crazy and shit.

She was a mutant who could create these blasts from her hands. The Scarlet Witch came into the game as part of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, along with her father Magneto, and her twin brother Quicksilver. Just like Aurora’s twin brother Northstar, Qucksilver could run real fast. But instead of going ghey like Northstar did, Quicksilver went grey.

Scarlet Witch was one half of an inter-racial-humanoid relationship. Her husband was the android called the Vision. As far as I’m concerned dude had to be a Black man-droid. First of all, Quicksilver, the Scarlet Witch’s brother hated on dude for no apparent reason and said that he wasn’t good enough for his sister. Whatever the fuck that means since he and his sister both started their careers in comicdom as super-villains.

Secondly, the Vision’s biggest power was making his shit turn invisible when he hung out with all the other Avengers. That is an inherent superpower for all of us Black people when we are alone in a crowd of white. We become invisible and then listen to the white talk around us and about us as if we aren’t even there.

Like most marriages, the Scarlet Witch and her Black mandroid husband were ill-fated inside of the Marvel Universe once they moved out to the west coast.

Vision ended up losing his memory chip and the Scarlet Witch lost all of her marbles. It was like Vision went Hollywood and didn’t recognize her anymore. She hooked back up with Magneto once she learned that homeboy was actually her and Quicksilver’s daddy and she flipped on the rest of the Avengers since they were player haters anyhoo.

Long before LUCY LAWLESS was the toast of the town at the all-girl parties featuring her Xena character there was Red Sonja. Her shocking red hair was only surpassed by her shocking double-D milk cans that seemed to want to fly off the comic pages. You were almost embarrassed to look at them for too long, but you couldn’t help yourself. I blame it on her fiery red hair and her lack of freckled skin.

Red Sonja was this rare freakishly beautiful specimen who pretty much would kill any man that even whistled at her on some bullshit. She did not suffer bitchmade fools lightly. The only man to tap that ass was Conan the Barbarian and even he had to knock her ass out and hit that shit while she was still unconscious. You didn’t want to eff with Red Sonja unless she was bound tightly by her hands and her feet. I imagine that Red Sonja’s comicbook steez was the inspiration for LORENA BOBBIT.