Archive for September, 2005

The Real Meaning of the Word “WIGGER”

Monday, September 26th, 2005

peace to the gods

Everybody thinks that a ‘wigger’ is a white guy that dresses and acts ‘Black’. That has confused me for years since I have no idea what dressing and acting Black really means. Luckily, I finally figured it out and DALLAS PENN asked me to share my understanding of what a ‘wigger’ really is…

The ‘wigger’ is a tragic character in the cosmology of white folks. The ‘wigger’ wants to be white as much as any other white, but because of economics the ‘wigger’ can not be white. When a neighborhood is busted open with Black residents, all the white that have the financial means to relocate do so immediately, but the ‘wiggers’ are the whites that can not afford to relocate so they become ‘wiggerfied’. They must now live in a neighborhood with Blacks and use the same local services like supermarkets, hardware stores, delicatessens, etc., that the Blacks use. Some ‘wiggers’ will leave their neighborhoods and attempt to access the establishments that regular white has access to. Some like to call this passing. These places often must hire security personnel to dissuade the ‘wiggers’ from entering. Those ‘wiggers’ that are able to a evade the initial security clearance will be discovered when their zip code is revealed at the check out.

For all the readers that think that being Black in America is difficult, just know that being white in America and forced to live amongst Blacks is almost unbearable.

Crappers in Love

Sunday, September 25th, 2005

these two need some counseling

Where do we begin? For one, I am happy that rap dudes are getting married, even if the marriages are shams to hide their alleged homosexual trysts. In earlier photos JA RULE’s wife smiled; lately she has taken to ice-grilling the camera.

Some of these unions are perfectly normal. Well, normal for the rap world. SNOOP and ICE T both married former ‘dancers’. ICE T and his wife are wild business. Can you imagine the two of them with children?

Chicken McNugget headed cornball T.I. married bighead high yellow girl from cornball R&B group, DESTINY’s ORPHANS. DMX and his wife don’t just act like BOBBY and WHITNEY, they even look like BOBBY and WHITNEY.

Why does LL COOL JAY and his wife dress like they are going to a funeral every time they go to a movie premiere? And more importantly, why does Mrs. SMITH always wear THE SAME JACKET! Check the photos if you think I’m lying.

And how lucky is DAMON DASH that he landed his lady before his ouster from the crap music business?

ICE CUBE and his wife get my “BEING WILL SMITH” award for their normalcy.

NAS and KELIS
are two wacky lovable kids just trying to find love. If you added up the album sales between the two of them you would almost have a platinum record. Almost. As a matter of fact, ARISTA gave KELIS these gold teeth as a gift for the sales of her ‘MILKSHAKE’ single.

Ain’t love grand?!?

Ghetto Celeb Whore DeathMatch :
TYRA BANKS vs. SUPERHEAD

Friday, September 23rd, 2005

I've got hoes in diff'rent area codes

In our never ending quest to bring you thought provoking material we at the website have come up with a new ghetto celebrity game show not unlike the wildly unpopular BeYONCE Factor. The new game show pits ghetto celebrities (A-list up to U-listers) against each other in a variety of categories. The ghetto celeb with the most points wins the match while the loser is booked on the AALIYAH / NATALEE HOLLOWAY charter flight to Aruba.

For our first installment we bring you the Ghetto Celeb Whore DeathMatch between TYRA BANKS and KARINNE ‘SUPERHEAD’ STEFFANS. These two ladies have become recently intertwined due to a radio interview in which SUPERHEAD called TYRA a ‘Hollywood Hop’. She also said that her journey through the entertainment business hasn’t been much different than TYRA’s except for the fact that TYRA’s fifteen minutes are still ticking where as SUPERHEAD may have come and gone (pun ALWAYS intended). Give TYRA some credit though because whomever she sucked off she made sure that she was left with a pot to piss in so that she WOULDN’T have to become a snitch.

So here’s the rub. We call out categories and then compare the contestants. The winner of the category is awarded 100 points.

1) Celeb List Rating (A-U) – TYRA has been steadily lingering amongst the B- and C+ list crowd for several years. Her acting ability has been shown to not exist so don’t expect to see her in too many more feature films unless she is playing the character that dies first. SUPERHEAD is just a straight up F-list celeb because she will FUCK you on the promise that you will get her some real work and give her some cab fare.
winner = TYRA

2) Confirmed Jumpoffs – TYRA has been seen with a veritable All-Star team’s worth of NBA players from ANFERNEE HARDAWAY, to RICK FOX, to recently CHRIS WEBBER. JOHN SINGLETON smashed TYRA and she even made SEAL turn to white chicks. While SUPERHEAD’s only confirmation is the crapper KOOL G RAP.
winner = TYRA

3) Rumored Jumpoffs – Here’s where things get interesting… TYRA has rumors of TIGER WOODS, MARK MESSIER and the sneaker pimp MICHAEL JORDAN. The rumor mill for SUPERHEAD is so deep that my boy who works for video director LIL’ X as a sound engineer told me that he was just hanging out at a shoot for CHRIS ROCK’s ‘No Sex in the Champagne Room’ and everybody got to have sex in the champagne room.
winner = SUPERHEAD

4) Porn Video Appearances – I have masturbated to many a Vicky’s Secrets catalog featuring TYRA and the Victoria’s Secret Lingerie Show could be considered soft-core in a pinch, but SUPERHEAD is in several videos and I saw the one with her and Mr. MARCUS (no homo)
winner = SUPERHEAD

5) The Intern Rating – With the contest deadlocked we turn to our staffer who always has the dice on hand when we want to play a game of see-low. THE INTERN tells us that in order to receive the name SUPERHEAD, Ms. STEFFANS had to do more than just suck some balls and swallow afterwards. She had to turn these men out and the only way to turn a man out when giving him head is to stimulate the nerve endings on his prostate gland. The ONLY way to do this is thru the anus!(extra JIM JONES ‘Harlem’ no homo)

DAAAAAAYYYYYYUM! SUPERHEAD is gully as shit.

And the winner of the Ghetto Celeb Whore DeathMatch is SUPERHEAD!

CAPTAIN WILLIAM H. SUNDAY Explains…
‘The WET SPOT EXEMPTION’

Friday, September 23rd, 2005

what's love got to do with it?

As a public service to our weblog subscribers we again turn to our resident sage, the many times indicted, more often acquitted and most definitely committed CAPTAIN WILLIAM H. SUNDAY for his invaluable advice to those in love and those that are good at faking it.

THE WET SPOT EXEMPTION…
There is probably no greater nemesis to the continued union of young lovers than the dreaded wet spot. Many a young man has left the bedside of his ravished lover because he was relegated to lay upon the wet spot. It usually happens during the time that he leaves his lover’s arms and enters the washroom so that he might dry himself of the natural essences that he has acquired during a torrid session of lovemaking. When he returns to the bedroom he finds his lover has surreptitiously moved to the area of the bed that was unoccupied during the session. Given the choice of remaining overnight in the area of the bed moisture laden with natural essences and possibly water-based lubricants, he opts to depart from the premises but makes himself a sandwich first.

This situation would not have happened if this couple followed ‘BILLY SUNDAY’s Rules of Engagement : Dating and Co-habitation’. Chapter 4 deals specifically with bedside protocol. There is a thing called the ‘Wet Spot Exemption,’ granted to the partner who has done most of the heavy lifting during a lovemaking episode. When we say heavy lifting, we don’t mean just acts that require someone to physically suspend someone in the air, but maneuvers that require you to hold your breath for an extended period, place your back/vertebrae in an uncomfortable position and, lastly, endure a reasonable amount of pain. The partner that completes the greater number of these efforts should receive the ‘Wet Spot Exemption’ for that evening’s rest period.

The exemption is only valid for 24 hours or until the next episode of lovemaking (whichever comes first – pun intended). The exemption is valid for all bodily fluids and natural essences, including but not limited to: sweat, saliva, urine, body oils, male ejaculation, female ejaculation, pre-ejaculation, champagne, blood, feces, santorum, silicone/water-based lubricants, Kool-Aid, and candle wax. The exemption is non-transferable for housecleaning requirements and/or pet care duties, i.e. dog walking or litterbox refuse.

Another important point in ‘BILLY SUNDAY’s Rules of Engagement’ is that couples must be flexible in their sleeping arrangements. There should be no specific side of the bed for either person to sleep on. In this way, couples do not segregate themselves when they should be integrating. Get it… in to grating?

Anyhoo,

‘BILLY SUNDAY’s Rules of Engagement : Dating and Co-habitation’ is on sale wherever you buy your quality Negroedian literature. Please pick up a copy.

KIMORA LEE SIMMONS,
THOU ART IMBECILE…

Friday, September 23rd, 2005

party girl

How much money do you think RUSSELL SIMMONS has paid to keep his wife KIMORA’s sex films underwraps?!? How do I know that KIMORA has sex films? Let’s just say that I know people that know people that have overheard people talking about people. Plus, there is no way that this all-star party girl would turn away from a camera, any camera.

GENEVA JONES gives us a link to KIMORA’s blogsite. If you want to know what she is thinking (trust me, it’s a quick read) and if you want to know what makes her fighting mad, then spend some time on her unauthorized blogsite.