Archive for November, 2006

M.D.O.A.T. (Most Downloaded Of All Time)

Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006

rapestar

While some of you cornballs sit on your azzes watching internets smut and waiting to see the SoundScan numbers for Jigger’s latest CD to exalt the fact that he only sold 500K his first week out just know that the ‘Kingdome Come’ album has pushed the Clipse out of the top spot for most downloaded. Evar.

This is big stuff considering the Clipse is the number one rap group for guys who moved into urban areas from the midwest, who wear extra schmedium t-shirts and skateboard to Starbucks. They also have high powered internets connections and slick looking iMacs at their office desks. These clowns can recite every single Clipse verse evar made, even the the ones from the hidden track on the ‘We Tongue Kiss Chad Hugo For Cheap’ mixtape. Damn these kids are good. How meta-ironic is it that the Vulcan hand sign remains some kind of post-Masonic homoboy hand gesture after several decades?

nerds

There is going to have to be a new ranking system for all the artists whose work circumnavigates the globe millions of times two weeks before their official retail debut. MICHAEL ‘Kramer’ RICHARDS would call it the Nigger Nielsens. The Ghetto Fab Gallup Poll. How do you even record these numbers with all the different peer to peer networks and file sharing databases that exist in cyberspace? This is why discerning Hip-Hop record executives come to DALLASPENN.COM instead of sites like Almost Black Gawker. We here at DP dot com have answers for the new media. We have a system that aggregates the number of hipster outlets that review urban music online and then take a total of the comments that are pro artist and multiply them by the number of posts in which the artist name is mentioned.

Okay, I was just bullshiting there. Instead I simply go to Google and see how many times an artist name comes up alongside their new project. Just as you might have guessed, JAY-Z is using tons of that Def Jam petty cash to hire high school dropouts to troll the web. Don’t get my words twisted either, that’s not a dig at my homey ESKAY. I am shitting on the folks that had my comments shut down on the AOL website. Hate on haters. We still here. So here is the DP dot com rating system for cRap albums that are downloaded from the internets. Each Hip-Hop Retahd is like the equivalent of 500,000 albums downloaded. Read it and weep Clipse stans…

jigger

JAY-Z ‘Kingdome Come’ over 1.5M downloads
That’s platinum straight out of the gate.

clipse

CLIPSE ‘We Got It For Cheap’ a little over 1M+ downloads
With every download you get points toward a Bape pearl necklace.

clipse

GHOSTFACE ‘Fishscale’
THE ROOTS ‘Game Theory’
anything MF DOOM
anything J DILLA

The above albums didn’t exceed 1 million downloads, but the overwhelming percentage of these file shares were from white kids in the exurbs.

clipse

DIDDY ‘Press Play’ total downloads = 500K
total downloads from Ness’ computer at BadBoy offices = 450K

Niggers!!! Who The Fuck Cares?!?

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

kkkramer

Obviously I haven’t been on my grizzly educating the world about the real meaning of the word ‘nigger’. Once everyone starts using the word properly again I think everything will be put in the proper context.

As a quick recap, the etymology of the word ‘nigger’ is the Germanic ‘neggar’ and not the Latin ‘negro’. The word ‘neggar’ described one’s vocation as a plowman. That is the grunt work in an agrarian society. Not too much intelligence is required, just a very strong back. When America was shifting into an industrial nation from an agrarian based economy the plowman became the lowest possible vocation in America that one could hold. To tell someone that they were only a ‘nigger’ was to say that no matter how many strides one would make to change one’s class status they would always remain in servitude. Over several generations of that word being misused by Blacks and under-educated white the actual meaning of the word has been subverted to describe the racial context of a person instead of the vocational context.

Peep this… SCHWARZENEGGAR when broken down into its parts means black(schwarze)-plowman(neggar). Do the knowledge Austrio-Hungary stylee.

Fast forward to MICHAEL RICHARDS pathetic meltdown and even more pathetic public apology. Who the fuck cares?!? MICHAEL RICHARDS was totally correct in saying that Black men were hung fifty years ago for speaking out against a white. This is a fact that he owes no apology for. Based on his supremacist upbringing MICHAEL RICHARDS was also correct in describing the Black man as a nigger. This outburst was simply a manifestation of his sense of entitlement inside of his super-ego. His brain was telling him, “How dare these inferior people not find me funny?!? Who allowed them in this venue? I will tell the rest of the whites in the village that they whistled at my wife and we will burn their houses with our flaming crosses!”

A few months ago, some young white cannibal was sentenced to jail time for using the word prior to smashing a Black dudes skull to pieces with a baseball bat. This white had every right to use the word since he was an actual neggar himself. He was under-educated and worked at some menial minimum wage job, if he even worked at all. To top all of that, the assailant was a huge fan of current cRap music like JAY-Z and DipSet. This poor white kid was in a lose-lose situation, and I am pretty sure he used the ‘nigga’ instead of the ‘nigger’.

Here’s my solution to all of this ‘N’-word angst. White has to start calling other white ‘nigger’. Black people have to start calling these white folks nigger as well. Anyone that does a job that is beneath you should be called a nigger, even if you precede that term with a thank you. The white that delivers your pizza… call him a ‘nigger’. The white that pumps your gas… call him a ‘nigger’ too. The white that sells you tickets to the Borat movie is a nigger, and all the white that work at the concession counters are niggers too. Anyone that works in the service industry is a nigger no matter what their ethnicity. As we move closer and closer to a society that is populated by mostly people living hand to mouth I’m happy that you good folks come here for your information. Just call me your nigger.

The Monday Morning Quarterback Wk.11

Monday, November 20th, 2006

brett

A moment of silence for all the fallen quarterbacks this weekend. Remember that the N.F.L. stands for ‘Not For Long’. No guaranteed money in this game kids so act like you know when you put on the pads and shit. AMADEO had a monster weekend and rightfully so. After dropping that post on us last Friday I think ol’ boy called in a marker he had with Kermit so the ball would bounce his way. Give credit to CANDICE for leading the poolers since the gate. It’s crowded at the top, but homegirl finds a way to stay up there no matter what.

My picks didn’t work out as well as I would have liked but any weekend that BRETT FAVRE and MC Longneck lose is like my own personal bonus. How about CHAD JOHNSON putting in extra work yesterday? The Super Bowl is starting to take shape in my mind. It looks like Dallas versus San Diego. Dallas wins of course. You can hate me now. Here are this week’s point totals poolers, get in where you fit in…

THE DALLAS – 5 pts (42)
CANDICE = 6 pts (48)
TIFFANY = 2 pts (39)
THE OL’ 40 BASTARD = 5 pts (44)
J trademark= 5 pts (26)
LM = 5 pts (44)
AMADEO = 7 pts (47)
JESSE = 5 pts (34)
SHONQUAYSHAH= 3 pts (44)
Mr.KAMOJI = 5 pts (45)
EL A IN THE D = 4 pts (33)
SASQUATCHFART = 6 pts (38)
PRYNSEX = 5 pts (40)
S DOT = 4 pts (38)
ALEX2.0 = 6 pts (46)
ESBEE = 6 pts (16)

After nwxt week’s pool I will introduce the ‘Heavy Roller’ bonus question in which I will allow poolers to submit a bonus by wagering some of their points. For instance, if a pooler puts 5 points on whether San Diego and Denver will cover the over/under the pooler wins, I give them twice the amount they waged(10 points). If a pooler loses I only deduct the amount waged. It’s going to be a chance for cats like ESBEE to really come up in the game. Let me know what you think.

PlayStation 3 Is REALLY Killing People…

Sunday, November 19th, 2006

blaow!

Most of you are too young to remember the Cabbage Patch riots in the 1980’s where thousands of Americans were killed over a niche company’s well-marketed childrens doll. The irony of this story is that people were killing each other for the doll which the company had started manufacturing as a response to all the children being aborted and their own Right To Life beliefs. Don’t bother looking up this backstory on Wikipedia, nobody knows the truth like DP Dot Com. Anyhoo, the irony continues…

There’s over a month to go before we celebrate the birth of the infant baby Jesus by killing a baby tree, which incidentally, we need to continue to replenish the oxygen within the atmosphere and the killing of our fellow man for consumer items has kicked off a week before Thanksgiving. In what is a beautiful irony of life imitating art we see that video games actually do cause violence. The debut of the PlayStation 3 console has inspired people to start their very own crime sprees. I hope the people that make Grand Theft Auto are taking notes and putting this into their next game. For some of these kids their trip to BestBuy was the first time they left their bedroom’s since the XBox 360 dropped into stores.

Remember when you used to play cops and robbers and you and your friends had a ‘gentlemen’s agreement’ on playing dead when you were shot?

JACQUI HERNANDEZ
remembers…

An Open Letter To ESKAY Of Nah’Right…

Sunday, November 19th, 2006

friends...

As some of you may know, our brother in the blogosphere, has now left the stratosphere. For some time now NAH’RIGHT has been popping hardbody on the internets, but his official coronation came this week as he will become an official correspondent of the T.I. machine. This is a good thing despite what some might think from the outset. Yes, Island Def Jam is part of the overall corporate monster that has sold cRap music and Hip-Hop culture to the highest bidder, but for every SHAWNNA and RICK ROSS you get a GHOSTFACE and a ROOTS Crew. The T.I. machine is a necessary evil in this day when people are downloading entire albums almost two weeks in advance of release dates.

NAH’RIGHT’s coronation as a legitimate media outlet is similiar and even somewhat greater than BOL’s ascendence on the XXL mag website. This is a validation for all of the sites that having been fighting the good fight to bring real Hip-Hop music back. Whatever that means. These sites have been showing the diversity and knowledge of the Hip-Hop listener from the artistic aesthetic to the consumer basepoint. Without them there would be no NAH’RIGHT…

  • BYRON CRAWFORD
  • NOTES FROM A DIFFERENT KITCHEN
  • UNKUT
  • WE EAT TOO MANY SHRIMP
  • COCAINE BLUNTS & HIP-HOP TAPES
  • THE RAP UP
  • HIP-HOP BLOGS
  • Can you imagine my surprise when I tuned into N.R. the other day and I saw this drop?


    “Ghostface Promo tee – I have one and you don’t. You mad?”

    I am pretty sure ESKAY was just joking with us (although I would like a tee shirt if you got a 3XL). I just don’t want ESKAY to go Hollywood and become a shill for any media outlet unless they are putting his daughter through private school. You can’t measure the value of one voice when the truth is being spoken. Just like our voices were heard on election day this month. ESKAY has become our collective voice inside of the matrix. He has to realize that he is grinding for all of those that didn’t make it this far – R.I.P. NASTACK.

    The next step is to see what the powers that be put into action now that they know how we feel. Will we get to hear more releases from REDMAN, JOE BUDDENS and MEMPHIS BLEEK (okay, maybe not so much BLEEK)? Or will they continue to slowly choke Hip-Hop and its diverse talent base to the point that no one will be able to release an album without the production of LIL’ JON? As ESKAY prepares himself to enter the T.I. matrix I would send him this e-mail…

    ESKAY,

    What the deal family? I guess I have to call you Young Blogosphere now. Congrats on your success with Def Jam. Shit is about to get really crazy now that you have been annointed the savior of Hip-Hop on the internets. Alright, maybe it wasn’t that serious, but there is a real movement at N.R. and the people with control of the machine want you to get down because you have control of the hearts and minds. Those things are worth more than the machine itself in the long run.

    Don’t stop the real talk. If niggas need to take off their sandals then you gotta tell them. If niggas is wearing pink furs and pink MAC lipstick you gotta put ’em on front street. Your constructive criticism and your ear for the Hip-Hop that radio doesn’t play is why I tuned into N.R. Don’t become a T.I. posterboy. Keep Nah’Right hardbody ya’ heard?

    ‘Lo_4_Life

    -DP

    how many of us have them?