I was a little dismayed when someone called me up and accused me of starting a ‘race war’ on the internets. Okay, so dude was joking, but he wasn’t. All my white internets friends haven’t been speaking to me since I dropped a post from internets legend, COMBAT JACK, airing out the Village Voice music critic TOM BREIHAN. The truth is that COMBAT JACK and I are fans of this dude’s blog. There is a space and place for it in your daily reads when the dude isn’t treating Hip-Hop music as if it’s an urban jungle safari that isn’t worth the time to navigate, because it’s so hard out here on a writer.
Knowing that this writer has a wit and verbosity that he reserves only for particular reviews made us question how he chooses to approach certain material. If someone isn’t going to fully engage themselves in the criticism of other peoples’ artwork then what purpose do you serve as a critic. Dealing with art and maintaining an arm’s length distance is either being aloof or being scared. COMBAT JACK called me up and let me know how he felt…
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COMBAT JACK said
“Yo fam, you read that dude from the voice saying that Pitbull is better than Nas?”
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DALLAS PENN replied
“BREIHAN?!? Lies!!!”
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COMBAT JACK said
“Word to mizz fam”
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DALLAS PENN replied
“It must be sweeps week over at the Voice.”
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COMBAT JACK exclaimed
“That neggar don’t talk sideways like that about SuperChunk!”
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DALLAS replied
“Yeah, but you know how they do.”
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CJ ended
“Yeah, privileged…”
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Now everyone’s panties got all up in a bunch because they say that the word privilege is code for white. No. The word privileged is code for privileged. And what that means is that someone has been granted the means to exist in a reality not based on merit or acheivement, but rooted in the time honored tradition of having a connection in the corner office. People were upset that COMBAT JACK brought this to the light. Isn’t it obvious when you have a writer who flagrantly disregards a genre’s foundations that it’s probable the writer doesn’t have the assignment because of their acumen on the topic? COMBAT JACK smelled pussy, and he called it. So now the word was spread through the land that people were being attacked because of how they looked. The truth is that was NEVER the argument at hand. The argument was that with privilege unearned should come a measure of respect for what was and what shall be. In any case, the people with pussies on their foreheads rang the alarm and declared racism against people with pussies on their foreheads…
This only further misconstrued the argument as a high speed broadband game of instant message rumors became an out of control animal,
there was the story within a story within a conoundrum, threatening to fracture the already loose coalition of pussyfaces, keyboard thugs, Onanists, and shock writers patroling the internets. In what was certainly an incredible event, one of the internets infamous bloggers sent an e-mail to himself…
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BILLY SUNDAY said
“I don’t know COMBAT JACK, but I know DALLAS PENN and I can tell you that he is not a racist. However, he is a bigot with bad credit. Under his breath I have heard him say things that are unmentionable in this forum of polite ladies and gentelmen. Especially when referring to… Pussyfaces”
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And to further fan the flames of web discontent even more, XXL’s very own superstar blogger, BYRON ‘BOL’ CRAWFORD had this to say…
There was almost nowhere for me to turn now that my name had been further sullied and my reputation laid bare and naked much like Mexican call girl I banged in an apartment on Roosevelt Avenue in Corona. I think english may have been her third language. Like the media assassin he is, COMBAT JACK has moved on to other targets and the rest of the blogosphere which had been so thoroughly up in arms had now returned to it’s normal constellation and swapping nude photoshops of PARIS HILTON’s cooch.
Just another weekend on the internets where the public criticism of a virtual hero becomes a racial quandary and witchhunt for a blogger just seeking the truth.
