Archive for August, 2007

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DP Dot Com Super Heroine Series: ELEKTRA

Tuesday, August 14th, 2007

elektra

All these pics of CARMEN ELECTRA has me fiending to talk about the baddest bitch named Elektra. Evar.

FRANK MILLER first introduced us to Elektra in Daredevil issue #168. Elektra was hired by the Kingpin to kill Matt Murdock’s assistant, Frank ‘Foggy’ Nelson, but when Foggy recognized Elektra as Matt’s old squeeze from Columbia University Elektra dropped the contract. Matt Murdock had almost turned Elektra out back in the day and she still got moist for dude. Trust me, that was the only man she got moist for.

Elektra was all about bodying cats on some hardbody shit for real. If Marvel had to kill the Jean Grey/Phoenix character because she split too many wigs when the Phoenix force took over her, the Elektra character was gonna have to get merc’ked too. You see Elektra wasn’t even killing cats by mistake though. Homegirl was steady thowing her sai down motherfuckers throats.

elektra

Kingpin couldn’t have this loose broad on the streets teaming up with DareDevil so he hired Bullseye to kill the whole lot of them. Bullseye was a badazz himself, and if there was ever a villain to really hate, he was that nigga. Family, I can’t begin to tell you how epic the battle between Bullseye and Elektra was. In my heart of hearts I knew that she had to die, and that Bullseye would get a repreive for killing her in the eyes of the comic book censors because at the end of the day he was a white male. I just didn’t realize how bad that shit would hurt me to see it.

Sure enough Bullseye killed my first Greek girlfriend. In the worst way, with one of her own swords. Elektra, bleeding like a stuck pig, crawls to Matt Murdock’s house and dies in his arms. I never wanted to pound out somebody to the ground as much as I wanted to put the whip on Bullseye.

elektra

Matt Murdock felt the same way I did and when he and Bullseye got up it was DareDevil that did a demo job on Bullseye when he snuck into Murdock’s townhouse. Even with Bullseye totaled by DareDevil I still felt empty inside of my heart. Elektra was that ride or die chick, literally, and she rode out hardbody for her one true love.

If you haven’t copped the FRANK MILLER DareDevil Omnibus yet you still have time to kill yourself, or at least go outside and hit yourself upside the head with an aluminum baseball bat.

Next up in the DP Dot Com Super Heroine Series: BLACK WIDOW

Posted in Fanboy Ish, Lust = Love, The Addict, When I Reminisce... | 16 Comments »

DON’T H8 CARMEN ELECTRA’s COOCHIE…

Monday, August 13th, 2007

h8torade

Editor’s note: Show some love to H8torade™

H8torade™ loves summertime. The ladies are out in short shorts, bikini’s, and cut off shirts… Even the ones that are tipping the scale at 250+ aren’t afraid to flaunt it.

Carmen has let some guys run up in her that are human petri dishes. You know they have the latest and greatest STD’s that man may not even have a cure for (see: Dennis Rodman, Tommy Lee, and Dave Navarro), but you better believe that if Carmen called me up for a late night booty call I’d jump in my ride and take a chance at catching whatever STD she has… Hell, I’d fall asleep with it in there.

This goes without saying, but I’d hit it.

electra

electra

hood fairy The ‘Hood Fairy says, “Eff the bullshit. You better put something over your meat if you don’t want your sacks to shrivel up like sunburnt raisins.”

Uncle Ruckus says, “You precious little colored angel girl. It’s prolly because you have a Black father that you can’t recognize the sweet heaven contained in the middle of Miss Electorate’s milky white legs. The great white Jesus up in the sky didn’t make that deliciousness for the Black man.”
 ruckus

ye tudda ‘Ye Tudda says, “I had to take antibiotics for a month after I put my tongue in PAM ANDERSEN’s mouth. I might would do it again, but I won’t truss it.”

Posted in BeYONCE's Hair, Fashion Faux Pas, Lust = Love, The Guest Room | 6 Comments »

Black People Stay Losing…

Monday, August 13th, 2007

loser

If you still consider yourself Black you should do yourself a favor and kill yourself. Chances are you may be saving another Black person the trouble. Spanish Jay e-mailed me the link from the Department of Justice website and the headline reads…

BLACK AMERICANS WERE VICTIMS IN 15 PERCENT OF ALL NONFATAL VIOLENT CRIMES AND 49 PERCENT OF ALL HOMICIDES DURING 2005

Read that study party people, it’s heavy stuff. Here are some of the mind boggling bullet points that I take from this data.

  • Blacks comprise only 13% of the U.S. population, but almost 50% of the annual homicides
  • The overwhelming majority of Black homicide victims were the result of Black offenders – 93%

    • Now with 51% of U.S. homicides belonging to other racial/ethnic demographics and with 7% of Black homicide victims not being cause by racial fratricide I see an opening for Blacks to finally win something in this country. Fuck having a jig president in 2008. How about Blacks locking up all U.S. homicides in their own racial demographic? There’s a shitload of wannabe rappers that can be murdered, and then Blacks should take that 93% Black on Black figure and put in all their effort to move it up to 100%. Giving 100% is a good thing, no?

    The largest factor that this study hasn’t considered is the economic background of these victims. I’m sure that greater than 90% lived in economic poverty. This is the prevailing issue that leads to serious crime and violent crime. Will America’s economy and education system improve in my generation in order to stem the tide of crime that poverty engrenders?

    Prah’lee not. Considering the fact that we are steamrolling to a recession caused by the banking industry running the flim flam with their lending and accounting practices. Looks like I better go invest in a bullet proof vest.

    Posted in Black Bullshit, Harpers Weekly Review, Social Upheaval | 12 Comments »

    DP Dot Com ‘Hood Fairy Request Wish List…

    Monday, August 13th, 2007

    hood fairies

    In the ghetto we don’t have tooth fairies because we don’t have dental insurance (What?!? Well who do you think reimburses that tooth fairy chick for all her travel expenses? It’s GHI bitches!).

    In the ghetto we have ‘hood fairies and they bring us presents like new sneakers and shit on all the major holidays, like Christmas, Passover and Back To School. I haven’t had a visit from the ‘Hood Fairy in a loooooong time and I’m hoping that if I put an old pair of Dunks under my pillow she will appear again like she always did.

    Here’s my short list of Back 2 School must haves…

    mighty healthy

    MIGHTY HEALTHY T-Shirts

    hood fairy The ‘Hood Fairy says, “I fucks with Mighty Healthy ever since they came out with that Albee Square Mall tee. They got some other joints on sale right now too, so I might could hook you up with some joints if you give me ‘Ye Tudda’s TXT address.

    Go to Mighty Heathy Dot Com right now and RSVP for their Summer Kicks party. It’s totally free and Large Pro and Joell Ortiz are performing live and direct.”

    mita XT

    NIKE MITA XT Dunks

    hood fairy The ‘Hood Fairy says, “These shits is straight fireworks. Yeah I cursed. My daddy was a sailor too. You bitches got a problem? I will cut a motherfucker with the quickness.

    In the sneaker game, these shoes are called quickstrikes because of their limited number and the types of dealers that carry them. Remember those NIKE x UnDeFeaTeD Dunks you bought in Paris? Well, I may have to go to Paris to find these for you because these jammies are sold out stateside.”

    crackberry

    Blackberry Pearl

    hood fairy The ‘Hood Fairy says, “I heard you needed a new phone and it’s time you stepped up into the year 2007 by getting a device that can allow you to reply to the e-mails from DENZEL WASHINGTON and STEVEN SPIELBERG. Thank goodness this joint is on sale at T-Mobile. You were a lot easier to shop for when all you wanted were comic books and G.I.Joe action figures.”

    Posted in Black Bullshit, Fashion Faux Pas, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Sneaker Fiends United, Straight Laced, The Addict | 22 Comments »

    GUNS AND NOOGIES FOR EVERYONE…

    Sunday, August 12th, 2007

    SADUBBZ

    Just when you thought that the Iraqi invasion debacle could not find a lower point on the scale of kneehigh morale and optimism… It does. What is finally emerging from the desert is the story of a war engineered by paramilitary professionals as a massive social experiment. Even more than a social experiment it has become a chance to pour money into the unsatiable throat of the industrial machinery of the military. Surveillance intelligence, robotic soldiers, indestructrible armored vehicles and mostly just guns are being thrown around with reckless abandon. There may be more guns and improvised explosive devices in Iraq than there are people. And yet still more guns are on their way.

    It’s no longer convenient for me to blame the incompetency of G DUBBZ or the empty rants from the U.S. Senators a/k/a The Vagina Monologues. The forces at work in the Middle East are smarter and far more sinister. Halliburton has moved it’s headquarters to Dubai so that they can watch their money grow firsthand. Is it any wonder why DICK CHENEY isn’t seeking the Republican nod for 2008? In two administrations he has already set up his great-great-great grandchildren for life. Over the next ten years it will easy for DICK CHENEY to make his money. For some Philipino nationals, not so much. Iraq is so fucked the fuck up that American contractors have been kidnapping people in order to get them to work on the rebuilding process.

    Dayum! Where the hell is SADDAM when you need him?

    Posted in Black Bullshit, Harpers Weekly Review, Social Upheaval, Wig Owners | 5 Comments »

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