CULTURAL HUSTLING 101

February 22nd, 2006

I want my MTV

The truth of the matter is that I never wanted my M.T.V. I never had any use for them growing up in NYC. There was sufficient programming that featured people of color and pop music all in one place. There was a program called ‘Hot Tracks’ that played Hip-Hop music videos as well as 80’s pop tunes by PRINCE, SHEENA EASTON, M.J. and all the usual suspects.

Then there was RALPH McDANIEL’s ‘Video Music Box’ which might be the singular most important program for the Hip-Hop generation. V.M.B. was recorded on BetaMax then on VHS format tapes and the copies were passed around school and shipped out of state. V.M.B. tapes could be found along the early 80’s cocaine corridor that ran along the east coast. It was crack when crack was REALLY crack and not just rap. That’s not to say that V.M.B. was bad because it wasn’t bad at all. It was the most progressive programming on television. The show was produced by RALPH McDANIELS and LIONEL ‘VID KID’ MARTIN, both were college educated and true school Hip-Hop heads. The show was so sick because there was no where else you could see a video from JAZZY JEFF and FRESH PRINCE followed by a video from DEVO or BLONDIE. V.M.B. was the ONLY show giving P.E., POOR RIGHTEOUS TEACHERS or X-CLAN any shine.

Back in the day those acts were even too Black for Black Entertainment Television. Video Music Box was an underground social phenomenon that the T.I.’s tried to obfuscate with the creation of that pay per play video channel called ‘The Box’. V.M.B. was broadcast from WNYC-TV which had been the only network owned by a municipality until then NYC Mayor RUDOLPH GIULIANI sold the station to Dow Jones & Company. I believe that V.M.B. is still on the air some 22 years after it first debuted in 1984. I respect the architects.

crazy sam

Fast forward to the present: ViaCom is the top dog of cultural hustlers on the planet today. They use their multiple platforms to program adults, and more importantly, the youth into what the cultural norms for the future shall be. Hip-Hop music is one of their key tools. It is loved by working class kids from the center city all the way into the middle class enclaves in the suburbs and the exurbs. This is where ViaCom penetrates the deepest because there isn’t the presence of the ‘other’ to refute the images presented on the television screen.

Their cultural programming is just as effective in the center city because there is visual access to markers of wealth and opulence. The sight of a Bentley sportscar outside of a television set confirms its existence within the world described on television.

I thought that I would be upset with the network chiefs at ViaCom for allowing the program called ‘The Shop’ to air on M.T.V. instead of the sister station B.E.T. but after previewing trailers from the program I realize that the target demographic for this program are the kids in the suburbs and the exurbs. This program is supposed to be their indoctrination into the actual lives of people from the center city. I thought of this program as some sort of corporate media attempt at Black People 101.

What are the jigs saying? What are the jigs wearing? Why does that woman have a child and not a husband?!? Everything I wanted to know about Negroes but I was afraid to ask them because I was afraid. M.T.V. has struck suburban gold platinum again and I suspect that I will be seeing kids at the mall this spring with aluminum foil covering their teeth. I blame SUMNER REDSTONE.

Do you think DICK CHENEY is going quail hunting anytime soon? I wonder if I could get SUMNER an invite.

model minority on the hook up

2006 WINTER OLYMPIC JIG RECAP

February 22nd, 2006

matthew henson

I suppose I owe an apology to the readers that were offended when I said the the 2006 Winter Olympic Games Didn’t Care About Black People. It turns out that a few jigs were actually in Italy to play in the games and not just carry the athletes’ bags.

GAYROME IGINLA

gayrome

GAYROME skates for the Canadian ice hockey team.

gayrome scoring

SHANIECE DAVIS

shaniece

SHANIECE won a gold medal for speed skating.

shaniece skating

Both athletes developed their love of skating from their admiration of the great French figure skater, SURYA BONALY.

surya

SURYA BONALY had won many European championships but never an Olympic medal. One year SURYA was disqualified at the Olympics because she did a backflip in her long program

surya flipping out

How fucked up was that?!? Just because none of the priv athletes can do a backflip shouldn’t make that move illegal. SURYA was undaunted by that decision and she continues to do backflips during her international touring performances.

surya still flipping

PENTAGON Purchases TERMINATORS

February 22nd, 2006

terminator

As the world turns I have been trying to stay abreast of the developments in Iraq. Unfortunately, the Administration has the media on a news blackout for Iraq stories, but there is still some interesting shiite afoot if you look for it.

Russia is trying to come up in the game now as a power broker between the West and the Middle East. Europe used to hold that spot down but with the changing faces of the players in the Middle East region the European Union has lost their touch. Russia better watch their step though because its one thing to be cool with the Shah of Iran, but its entirely another thing to play the new Hamas Palestinian government close. Doesn’t Russia know who runs this rap shit?!?

My favorite story is how the U.S. is investing more than $120 BILLION to automate the Armed Forces. The project is called Future Combat Systems and it is the largest military contract in the history of… well, history. The annual expenditure on defense contracts is predicted to skyrocket from $75b to 118b by the year 2010. That’s an increase of more than 50%, but the pay for servicemen isn’t projected to rise by more than 6% during the same period. It looks like defense contractors will be the only folks able to afford tickets into the new Yankee Stadium.

terminator

The focus of the FCS program will be the introducton of robot soldiers to the battlefield. We all know how bad the Army has been as of late in recruiting teenagers to step on landmines. I was hoping that the U.S. might grant the Canadians an expedited ‘green card’ in return for military service. The Defense Departemnt has apparently given up on recruiting humans, even Mexicans need not apply. Human soldiers usually cause casualties to political campaigns. Robot soldiers will give U.S. voters one more reason to feel ambivalent about killing colored people across the globe.

Because robot soldiers won’t be eating the trashy MRE’s that Halliburton provides our troops at a premium I wonder if they will still make the Terminators with teeth?

terminator

PEACE To Brother MALCOLM

February 20th, 2006

brother malcolm

The biggest lesson that I take from Brother MALCOLM SHABAZZ is that WE are all leaders ourselves. I have to stop looking for that person to appear and tell me right from wrong. My heart knows the truth already although I may choose not to follow it. My mind knows the difference between good and bad, but it is so much easier to just be lazy and irresponsible.

This is how I feel sometimes when I am at the bar getting pissy drunk or I accidentally take a hit of acid. I knew that I didn’t need that ‘last’ drink, but I consumed it anyhoo. I placed the responsibility of driving my drumken azz home to GOD and what the fuck does GOD need with an overpriced SUV? My point is that I like so many other people lack the strength of character and conviction in faith that Brother MALCOLM and Brother MARTIN possessed. We ask GOD and other people to be responsible for us, and we run away from personal accountibility.

There is a reason that these men were special and subsequently were summarily executed. They knew the truth and still believed that justice was the exclusive ownership of all the people. These men believed in people. These men believed in GOD.

In honor of Brother MALCOLM I will turn off my television today. I will let my stereo remain silent as well. For 24 hours I will not consume any alcohol or narcotic or sugar-laden confection. I won’t look out my window, wait for my doorbell or telephone to ring with a message from AL SHARPTON, KEVIN POWELL or PUFF DADDY. Brother MALCOLM has shown me that I alone must be responsible for myself. His gift to me is the knowledge that I can make a change all by myself.

May Heaven let this beloved man rest in peace.

salah

HURRICANE STARRKEYSHA Didn’t Care About Black People

February 20th, 2006

ashy dogs

Hurricane STARRKEYSHA and the great virgin mother have something in common.

With Mardi Gras only a week away local Louisiana hotels have been steadily evicting FEMA refugees evacuees. STARRKEYSHA has created another level of homelessness that I was unaware of previously. Can you even imagine being so poor that no state will accept you? Where the hell are these people going to go?

Hurricane STARRKEYSHA didn’t just raise the water table, she raised questions about where we stand as a moral and humanitarian nation. It seems pretty crazy to run all around the planet spending billions to install democracy while right in our backyard we let people’s carcasses rot in a toxic marsh because “there isn’t any overtime pay left.”

madea

A few days after the storm’s impact had become crystal clear MASTER P produced this video reel to hand mock praise to then FEMA Director MIKE BROWN. After reviewing the video that was to be posted on this site, MASTER P had a change of heart because he wasn’t confident that the viewers would understand that the meaning of the clip was to highlight the inaction and insincerity of the Administration. Please try to view the following clip through that lens.

I am climbing off the soapbox now because I am sure that you have read and heard enough of this story. But before I go let me give you some more info…

Brooklyn’s newest jig politico KEVIN POWELL can be called a bunch of derisive things and we may use this website to call him out, but his record up to this point speaks for itself. He has spearheaded several sucessful community based fundraisers and he was one of the first grassroots organizers for the Katrina relief efforts.

To that effect KEVIN is the driving force behind the Katrina On The Ground program. KOTG is looking for college kids to volunteer their time during spring break to visit the affected areas and assist with the rebuilding and cleanup efforts. The 3 point program for KOTG is 1) physical and emotional rebuilding of communities and lives; (2) legal and civil rights issues; and (3) financial literacy and empowerment for the affected citizens and region.

This sounds like something that I would want on my resume when I was 19 or 20. Plus I will give you the old man scoop any event KEVIN POWELL puts his name on… he’s got ho’s!

I promise you that you will be swimming in sweet young chocolate poonahnee during spring break, but not the kind that you can’t have because those sluts are chasing down the dude with the drop top BMW. Nope, you will be surrounded by young ladies that think you are a stud because you helped repair a studwall to a house that was destroyed.