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We were having ourselves a shiiteload of fun with the Mugshot Hairstyle Models feature when we received a polite e-mail from Operation PUSH that told us that our subject matter wasn’t as hilarious as we thought.

It seems that there are more young people of color entering the prison industrial complex than there are registering for college, let alone even graduating. In the last two years that trend has skyrocketed faster than an Israeli-made spy satellite.

We thought to ourselves how we might be able to reverse this movement before the U.S.’s minority population is filled with only criminals and immigrants (illegal immigrants being called crimigrants – our word bitches). The first solution was ingenious and simple enough that it wouln’t require the kind of overhead that makes so many other social programs doomed from the start.

From now on we will refer to prisons as ‘universities’ and we will call colleges by the name ‘penitentiaries’. In this manner you should imagine the pride of some jig mother from Detroit when her son is sentenced to 10 to 25 years at the state university. From a corresponding angle I can’t imagine some privileged parent in too much of a rush to refinance the family homestead or take a loan against the 401k when their child brings home the applications for jail. Hey, a rose by any other name will still be a dead flower in a vase.

The real problem is that no one with any capital seems inclined to invest money on making minorities smarter and better prepared to assume adulthood. It’s a risky investment I agree and one that requires you to wait about two decades for your return. Most people that play the market want the quickest bang for their buck, but you see where those tech stocks went in 2000. When the stock market hit critical mass the ‘dot com’ boon’s bubble burst. At some point in the near future we are going to reach that point in regards to our national prison population. There won’t be any people left to make our buy Starbucks or Chipotle because everyone will be in jail university or working as a guard professor.

Now is the time to reinvest in real public education. Not school vouchers or private school subsidies. All the kids need to be educated and if that means that less kids are inclined to listen to rap music and spend their waking hours having dreams of bathing in Cristal champagne so be it. There will be something else that is ridiculously expensive that we can sell to these smarter kids. How about Urkel Brand electric handwarming mittens?

Well if you are inclined to think that a change is too difficult to create here in the States then I suggest that you invest in Iowa Prison Industries. They make furniture for universities and penitentiaries.

If you don’t have a real life and you don’t get out too much, I am trusting that you are like me since we are both reading this crappy blog, I suggest you take a peek at the F.E.M.A. for kids website. It’s got all kinds of sick shit like a rap song for kids to sing in case their house gets lost in an earthquake or mudslide.

I go here every year to see what the names will be for tropical storms and hurricanes. Several names jumped out at me for this year’s storm season and I wanted to bring attention to them, especially for all you anti-immigration curmudgeons. With GOD being fond of meta-irony and the what not, how funny would it be if we were kicked in the azz by, say, a Hurricane ALBERTO?

The F.E.M.A. site tells children all of the possible names for tropical storms, but we here at DP dot Com we like to take shit to the next level – for the children, of course. So here is the DALLASPENN dot COM 2006 Tropical Storm Preview featuring some of the hurricanes with jig and spic names.

	Hurricane ALBERTO Quite possibly the best tropical storm in the game right now. Bats for power and average. Early M.V.P. candidate at the beginning of the season.

	Hurricane ERNESTO Another strong storm from south of the border. This one will bring in another summer of more Mexican communist day laborers and ubiquitous CHE tee shirts than you can shake a stick at.

	Tropical Storm FLORENCE A sassy Black bitch of a storm. This tropical depression lost some of it’s fury when it went from the ‘Jefferson’s’ over to ‘227’.

	Tropical Storm GORDON A teh ghey gust of wind hanging out in South Beach and Key West.

	Tropical Storm ISAAC The Scientology community told us that this one was just a token storm.

	Hurricane NADINE This is why they hate to name storms after Black women. Serious property damage in the millions of dollars, mostly on designer handbags and high-heeled shoes.

	Hurricane RAFAEL The one storm that I told the people not to sleep on. A perfect and poetic storm. The first official Haitian hurricane is going to fuck Florida up something serious. This will put WYCLEF in charity org overdrive and will delay the Fugees re-union for another year.