Light A Ciggar For Jiggar My Niggar…

March 7th, 2007

jigger cigger

By now you all know that the Roc-A-Wear brand clothing line was sold to a conglomerate for over two hundred million. Now I know in my mind of minds that JAY-Z never “owned” the brand, but I am sure that he caught some coin from that sale and stands to reap some more Benjy’s and benefits depending on how long the brand remains viable.

That shit always looked like clown shoes to me and the brand never had the depth of design that Phat Farm had. All they have are hoodies and sweatpants. At least Phat Farm and Sean John expanded their lines with adult items like sweaters and button-up shirts. Everything that I found in Roc-A-Wear that was my size made me feel retarded. Akademics and Ecko are smarter and better designed urban brands, but Roc-A-Wear has one thing none of them can have – the MICHAEL JORDAN of rap recording.

Roc on SHAWN CARTER, roc on…

fox

Did you hear that FOX BOOGIE has been banned from Junior’s Restaurant in Brooklyn?

Damn FOXY!? This chick needs an image consultant ASAP. She needs someone to take her azz down to the shelter on Nevins Street and have FOXY work a few days on the soup kitchen line, then take her azz to the free clinic on Flatbush Avenue and have FOXY pass out condoms or some shit. You know, give back to the community. If someone who has love for this chick doesn’t intervene the next thing you know will be “FOXY gets barred from KUM KAU”. That shit would be fucked the fuck up.

Too bad Pretty Boy can’t even sneak her a cheesecake.

obama

Your boy BARACK “No really, I’m Black” OBAMA is getting tons of press lately as he campaigns hard for the Democratic nod in 2008. He came to NYC and was feted by the niggerati glitterati from the music and entertainment business.

I’m not part of the bandwagon that cares about BARACK’s questionable Blackness. Any honest bi-racial person that has felt the sting of racism will tell you that when the rubber hits the road being Not White = Being Black. I’m a part of the minority that asks the most pertinent question… Who the fuck is BARACK OBAMA?!? This dude is like the cat that you never heard of before, but now he is gonna run for the president? What is his Senatorial record? Who are the main contributors to his campaign? He has to be put through the same hoops that we put a BOB DOLE, or a WALTER MONDALE, or a MICHAEL DUKAKIS into and when we see what comes out then we can decide if he is really the golden child.

Or the golden brown child, since he is a nigger.

CAPTAIN BILLY SUNDAY’s PIRATE RADIO PODCAST

March 7th, 2007

iPirate

The Captain is back with some classic crack for your azzcrack jack!

The Pirate Radio Podcast has been on hiatus while BILLY does his thing thing with the kids at XXLMAG Dot Com, but he came through the DP Dot Com offices this week with a few drops for the O.G. peoples. I’m glad that SUNDAY didn’t forget about us over here as he climbs to the top of the mainstream media mountain. We are gonna administer the Podcast contest the same as we always do. Whoever can name the artist(s) that have sampled these tracks wins a DP Dot Com prize package.

P.S. CANDICE, your prize pack in in the mail. Yours too TIFFANY.

Okay then, let’s get this session poppin’ off…

I would also ask that you listen to some of the original artists when you have the chance. There’s a rich history of music and talent that gets lost in sampling. Some songs have several sections that are sampled again. Hip-Hop gives a new life, a rebirth, to some of this fantastic music, but like I always say… Respect the architects.


CARL ORFF – ‘Carmina Burana’


GEORGE McCRAE – ‘I Get Lifted’


SOUL CHILDREN – ‘Move’


HALL & OATES – ‘I Can’t Go For That’


YARBROUGH & PEOPLES – ‘Don’t Stop The Music’


TOTO – ‘Africa’


STEELY DAN – ‘Black Cow’


SLAVE featuring STEVE ARRINGTON – ‘Weak At The Knees’


THE POLICE – ‘Spirits In A Material World’


ZAPP – ‘Be Alright’

B.M.F.O.A.T. WANNABES

March 7th, 2007

mojo jojo

Being the Baddest Motherfucker Of All Time is like the highest award you can achieve. Evar! It’s like you melted your Nobel prize and your Grammy award and then poured the moten metal on top of an Oscar. Then the Queen of England knighted you. That is how big being on the DP Dot Com B.M.F.O.A.T. list is. Real talk. So you can’t blame people for trying to crack the list which will cement their legacy of badness.

You have to have the most depraved sense of humanity if you are going to be a B.M.F.O.A.T. and you need the tools around you to help you properly execute your plans of terror. A lot of people fall short of badness greatness. Yeah, they’re bad and the whole nine, but they aren’t great at being bad. They are still in the minor leagues of bad azz talent. They are the the second stringers on Team Badd Ass. The following list is dedicated to the bench warmers to the badness crown.

m.j. MOJO JOJO
What good is being a genetically engineered genius primate if you can’t keep your azz from being pwned by elementary schoolgirls? MOJO JOJO has a swankier lab than the Professor and he still can’t seem to get his shit straight. This also reminds me… How effin’ hot is Ms.BELLUM?

sheed RASHEED WALLACE
RASHEED has tons of technical fouls, but hardly any actual arrests. He’s certainly no ISAIAH RIDER and not even a DAMON STOUDEMIRE. This man plays in Detroit and has never even been arrested with a gun in his possession. Get your hardbody weight up RASHEED, or put a smile on your fucking face.

team rocket TEAM ROCKET
I can’t front, when Pokemon first debuted I was addicted to that shit. It was compelling television because it taught children to be self-reliant and creative with their dispute resolution skills. Team Rocket was the contant foil to Pikachu and his owner. Would you have me arrested if I said that I always watched the show in the hopes that JESSIE from Team Rocket would have a nip slip? How much of a loser are you in real life if you dress up and play a team of losers?

team rocket

team rocket

zarkon COBRA COMMANDER
Who was funding this schmuck? C.O.B.R.A. had all kinds of fancy equipment and secret lairs that would have cost millions or even billions in 1980’s money. This dude never won shit, but he managed to keep the lights on. There should have been a coup inside C.O.B.R.A. and his mask should have been removed. Destro would have been a more bad azz leader except for the fact he was ghey and in love with the Commader.

zarkon JAWS
JAWS was JAMES BOND’s nemesis for a couple of movies before he ran off with some young chick wearing braces. Give him credit though for bringing his grills into mainstream culture. Just ask the folks fom ‘BLING: The Hip-Hop Jewelry Book‘.

zarkon KING ZARKON
This is the dude that Voltron pwned for life. He’s ugly as hell, but his bad azz talent… Not so much.

norey MANUEL NORIEGA
What a total beanbag this fuck up became. RONALD RAYGUN, GEORGE BUSH Sr. and OLIVER NORTH brought more cocaine into this country and sold more guns to Central America than anybody in the history of selling guns and trafficking cocaine and none of them spent a minute in jail. As a matter of fact, OLIVER NORTH is a televsion celebrity (on FOX, of course). NORIEGA tried to derail the flow of blow through Panama and look what he got for his trouble. Sucker!

rushell RUSH LIMBAUGH
And who can forget this pill popping crack addict?!? Because he has such a masterful control over the masses the conservative braintrust hasn’t revealed that he stays high on opium. Can you imagine what kind of smackhead you would have to be to advocate long prison sentences for habitual drug users when you are in the bathroom during every single audio break shoving tabs of OxyContin down your throat like Tic Tacs?!? If we found him dead in his home with some strippers pantyhose twisted around his neck it still wouldn’t mitigate the damage from this asshole’s carbon footprint.

NIA LONG, YOU OWE ME SUMTHIN’

March 6th, 2007

nia

It was just ten years ago that NIA LONG gave every high school dropout, college dropout, fake LANGSTON HUGHES flunkie a reason to believe in Black love. So I bought a thesaurus and I studied that shit like it was the Bible. I was going to rain down polysyllabic verses on the Black community like it was R.KELLY’s urine (nullus). I wasn’t just trying to bag up the crazy cocaine freaks like LISA NICOLE CARSON. I wanted to go to the penthouse of post-Black, post-feminism, post-pin up girl poster children. I wanted me some NIA LONG.

There hasn’t been a sister since her to make the short hair style look so sexy. Ten years after the release of the film ‘Love Jones’ and NIA LONG is still a sex symbol in the best sense of the word. I put her on par with ANGELA BASSETT for not comprimising her core values for showbiz fame and fortune. NIA LONG just looks like she has that pum pum that will be good well into her sixties. I will take it then too. You all know how I get over some grandma pum pum.

nia

BUSINESS IS BOOMING, LITERALLY…

March 6th, 2007

baghdad

Iraqi violence opreates on some bizarro world workday schedule. It’s like suicide bombers take the weekends off, but then they punch their alarm clocks first thing Monday morning.

What’s fucked the fuck up is that if you are making coffins in Baghdad you are making a grip of scrilla right now.

What’s even more fucked the fuck up is that no one knows exactly how many people have been offed since we decided to liberate Iraq. We do know that more Iraqis have been killed than during SADDAM’s regime. That is some hell’a wicked irony if you think about it considering he was put on trial for just that.

Shiite will be getting worse before it gets better but if there’s ever a silver lining inside the destruction of human life it’s that technological advances are spawned. I’m thinking there needs to be advances made in the biodegradation of coffins and maybe even some new materials need to be harnessed to that end. Something that the sand will easily and readily absorb.

If there aren’t any dead bodies left to count, did those people truly ever live?