The cRap Music Fantasy League (beta)

December 16th, 2006

e feezy

Alright cRap Music Moguls, the intro e-mail has been sent out to e-mail addresses that you provided in the initial post. I know some of you as regulars on the site so that is why you don’t have a confirmation e-mail, but all of the new jacks have to show and prove.

Let’s use the time before January 1st to get all the kinks out of the system. If you guys are going to be good cRap Music Moguls you are going to need a points system. This is how you rate how productive your artists are for you. Since rap music has taken over the pop music landscape here in America it’s easier to find your artists receiving media exposure in mainstream outlets. People, TIME and LIFE magazines which have long been a barometer for mainstream America consciousness have featured cRap stars on their covers all within the last year. The easy part should be picking your artists. The hard part will be knowing when to release them and move on. You will receive money points for all the entertainment industry achievements that your cRappers secure.

Since you will earn the most money points in cRap Music Fantasy League when an artist on your roster reaches gold or platinum certification the idea will be to have artists with potential for such feats. Even more important than that will be to have artists that have material being released. If your artist makes platinum plaques but isn’t releasing anything in the first quarter you may want to drop that artist. Artists that find themselves in the news are also good for your roster because they help you generate notoriety points. Think of these points in terms of the mythical ‘street credibility’. You want your roster of cRappers to be highly ranked on both money points and notoriety points.

While reading Nah’Right I saw the story of Detroit cRapper TRICK TRICK signing a record contract with G-UNIT. If you had TRICK TRICK on your roster you would have scored money points.

trick trick

At the same time, you should be looking to release TRICK TRICK from your roster as soon as possible because the chance of him getting a gold record with G-UNIT or even releasing a record with them is pretty slim, and I’m not talking Shady. TRICK TRICK is a G, and they need him to keep the SUGEs of the world in line. That’s not going to help you score points in the cRap Music Fantasy League. Here is a breakdown for the points system…

MONEY POINTS

  • artist reaches gold certification – 500 points
  • artist reaches platinum certification – 500 points
  • artist signs a marketing/merch deal(clothing/soda pop/etc.) – 250 points
  • artist receives award – 200 points
  • artist signs a record label deal – 100 points
  • artist releases an album(mixtapes NOT incl.) – 100 points
  • artist releases a music video – 50 points
  • artist releases a Billboard top 25 ranked single – 50 points
  • artist album review/cover story in MSM (NYTimes, SPIN, Rolling Stone) – 25 points

    • NOTORIETY POINTS (for crimes artist lose money points)

  • artist does jail time – 500 points(-100 money points)
  • artist arrested for assault – 300 points(-50 money points)
  • artist arrested for sexual crime – 200 points(-50 money points)
  • artist arrested for gun/drug possession – 100 points(-25 money points)
  • artist arrested for tax evasion – 50 points(-25 money points)
  • artist arrested for DUI – 50 points(-25 money points)
  • artist appears on Oprah – 200 points
  • artist appears on non-OPRAH talk show – 50 points
  • artist cameo on television program – 100 points


    • ROSTER TRANSACTIONS

  • artist may not be dropped/signed until the end of playweek (Saturday 11:59pm EST)
  • artist may not be resigned once dropped
  • if artist becomes deceased during playweek record label has option to submit another artist name for transfer
  • there is no limit to number of dead artists that a label may hold
  • there is no limit to number of female artists that a label may hold
  • labels may hold only (1) R&B vocalist

    • Now’s the time for questions and comments to help me refine the playing field. If you see anything that you think needs to added please put it in the comments section. There is an e-mail issued to everyone that put in a label request previously. Answer that e-mail with your label name and you are good to go.

    Posted in cRap Fantasy League, Crappers, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Straight Laced | 15 Comments »

    Dreaming For The Family Of SEAN BELL…

    December 14th, 2006

    dreamgirls

    Here’s just a few of the talking points that have ben swirling around in the aftermath of the SEAN BELL murder…

  • Supremacists journalists remind us that Black males kill each other at a far greater rate than the police kill Black males, yet there are no rallies or marches for these killings
  • The prior arrest records of the surviving victims has been published as corroboration that the officers were in imminent danger
  • Hell Night continues in the housing project and surrounding neighborhood that the victims reside in to undermine the security and relative safety that tenants had prior to the murder
  • Media misinformation continues to focus on a fourth passenger who miraculously was uninjured in the hail of bullets that were issued to the motor vehicle

    • SEAN BELL’s murder can’t be just like AMADOU DIALLO or KENNETH BANKS or PATRICK DORISMOND. The officer’s must be held accountable for their actions. The policy of policing with a finger always on a gun trigger must be dismantled. Bad police and bad policy can’t be acceptable to fair-minded people. This is my chance and your chance to let your voice be felt with silence.

    On Friday December 15 and Saturday December 16 please honor the legacy of ALL the people that have died so painfully and so needlessly. Please don’t consume any outside entertainment on these two days to commemorate these victims. Curtail your holiday shopping for these two days as well. It is with our dollars and sense that we will speak on these days.

    If feasible please entertain family and friends inside your dwelling and give a moment of silence for the family of SEAN BELL. May peace be upon them.

    Posted in When I Reminisce... | 18 Comments »

    DP Dot Com Does Care About The White…

    December 14th, 2006

    kwt

    I was a little dismayed when someone called me up and accused me of starting a ‘race war’ on the internets. Okay, so dude was joking, but he wasn’t. All my white internets friends haven’t been speaking to me since I dropped a post from internets legend, COMBAT JACK, airing out the Village Voice music critic TOM BREIHAN. The truth is that COMBAT JACK and I are fans of this dude’s blog. There is a space and place for it in your daily reads when the dude isn’t treating Hip-Hop music as if it’s an urban jungle safari that isn’t worth the time to navigate, because it’s so hard out here on a writer.

    Knowing that this writer has a wit and verbosity that he reserves only for particular reviews made us question how he chooses to approach certain material. If someone isn’t going to fully engage themselves in the criticism of other peoples’ artwork then what purpose do you serve as a critic. Dealing with art and maintaining an arm’s length distance is either being aloof or being scared. COMBAT JACK called me up and let me know how he felt…

    cj COMBAT JACK said
    “Yo fam, you read that dude from the voice saying that Pitbull is better than Nas?”

    DALLAS PENN replied
    “BREIHAN?!? Lies!!!”
    		 dp

    cj COMBAT JACK said
    “Word to mizz fam”

    DALLAS PENN replied
    “It must be sweeps week over at the Voice.”
    		 dp

    cj COMBAT JACK exclaimed
    “That neggar don’t talk sideways like that about SuperChunk!”

    DALLAS replied
    “Yeah, but you know how they do.”
    		 dp

    cj CJ ended
    “Yeah, privileged…”
    Now everyone’s panties got all up in a bunch because they say that the word privilege is code for white. No. The word privileged is code for privileged. And what that means is that someone has been granted the means to exist in a reality not based on merit or acheivement, but rooted in the time honored tradition of having a connection in the corner office. People were upset that COMBAT JACK brought this to the light. Isn’t it obvious when you have a writer who flagrantly disregards a genre’s foundations that it’s probable the writer doesn’t have the assignment because of their acumen on the topic? COMBAT JACK smelled pussy, and he called it. So now the word was spread through the land that people were being attacked because of how they looked. The truth is that was NEVER the argument at hand. The argument was that with privilege unearned should come a measure of respect for what was and what shall be. In any case, the people with pussies on their foreheads rang the alarm and declared racism against people with pussies on their foreheads…

    pussyface PUSSYFACE #42 said
    “I tell you that this COMBAT JACK did call me a pussyface. He said that pussyface people were ruining the planet. He said other racist things as well. He said that I couldn’t use the word ‘afro’ even when describing someone’s hair. He also mentioned ELVIS PRESLEY at some point. RACISM!”
    This only further misconstrued the argument as a high speed broadband game of instant message rumors became an out of control animal, there was the story within a story within a conoundrum, threatening to fracture the already loose coalition of pussyfaces, keyboard thugs, Onanists, and shock writers patroling the internets. In what was certainly an incredible event, one of the internets infamous bloggers sent an e-mail to himself…

    BILLY SUNDAY said
    “I don’t know COMBAT JACK, but I know DALLAS PENN and I can tell you that he is not a racist. However, he is a bigot with bad credit. Under his breath I have heard him say things that are unmentionable in this forum of polite ladies and gentelmen. Especially when referring to… Pussyfaces”
    		 billy sunday
    And to further fan the flames of web discontent even more, XXL’s very own superstar blogger, BYRON ‘BOL’ CRAWFORD had this to say…

    young bol BOL said
    “DALLAS PENN himself was offered a position here at XXL commensurate with his value to Hip-Hop. I saw the contract with my own eyes. The offer was rescinded when we found out that he was a racist, with bad credit.”
    There was almost nowhere for me to turn now that my name had been further sullied and my reputation laid bare and naked much like Mexican call girl I banged in an apartment on Roosevelt Avenue in Corona. I think english may have been her third language. Like the media assassin he is, COMBAT JACK has moved on to other targets and the rest of the blogosphere which had been so thoroughly up in arms had now returned to it’s normal constellation and swapping nude photoshops of PARIS HILTON’s cooch.

    Just another weekend on the internets where the public criticism of a virtual hero becomes a racial quandary and witchhunt for a blogger just seeking the truth.

    Posted in Black Bullshit, Ghetto Celebs, Jig Lit Review, No Boutros Boutros... Ghali, Social Upheaval | 22 Comments »

    PHARRELL + CLIPSE = DEAD ON ARRIVAL

    December 14th, 2006

    clipse

    Even though the title has been used already that still should be the name of the Clipse’s final CD with Jive Records. The relationship was tenuous at best and both parties went to counseling to try to work things out, but it looks like Koch Records is the winner again.

    Why can’t Clipse find that next plateau that music acts need in order to remain relevant on the ledgers of their record labels? They were in New York City performing twice within the space of two weeks. They have across the spectrum appeal from their fan base. Emo thugs and hipster fans(heretofore regarded as Clipsters) alike love the Clipse yet between these two groups nary is a CD with legit cover art to be found.

    I saw the Clipse get down at the Sneaker Pimps event in Manhattan. Even though I was there to see GhostFace it seemed to me that the overwhelming number of people had turned out for the Clipse. One way this was evidenced was that everyone knew all their songs line for line. Not just the eternal Hip-Hop bangers, but even the shitty non-descrip mixtape joints featuring the Re-Up Gang. You couldn’t tell me after seeing that show that the new Clipse album wasn’t going to be hard to handle the way they had these sneaker freaks on smash. Turns out that the sneaker lovers and the Clipsters alike both get their Clipse albums for cheap.

    clipster

    The Clipse return to the top of my list as the most downloaded of all time, surpassing even Jay-Z and Nas. Try this little experiment… Ask someone you know that listens to Hip-Hop if they like the Clipse. Then ask them how many Clipse albums they’ve bought. If they say more than two they’re lying to you. I’ll bet they’ve bought more Clipse ringtones than CD’s. This is the conundrum that the execs at Jive Records have had to deal with. They have a wildly popular group of artists and they can’t seem to move the units that correspond to their popularity.

    I blame the Neptunes. Their track record is that they don’t craft albums sonically. They make hit singles which become hit ringtones, but their inability to texturize their sound makes anyone that works with them on a large project sound redundant. The Neptunes sound ruined Philly’s Most Wanted. The same thing is happening for the Clipse too. If they were produced by DipSet’s Heatmakers the Clipse might have sold four million records by now. Or maybe their Clipster fan base likes them in a different way.

    Jay-Z’s fans worship his image and believe his backstory to the point that they hypothesize how Jay was able to be a kingpin while selling crack and never get caught. The Clipsters don’t create the same illusions in their minds. There are no long lines of crack fiends to co-sign Pusha T and Malice’s narco-trafficking achievements. When these fans think of the Clipse having it for cheap, they think dirt cheap wamp wamp.

    MP3 freestyle.

    clipse

    Posted in Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, Jig Lit Review | 7 Comments »

    The DP Dot Com Football Pool (Wk 15)

    December 14th, 2006

    dallas texans

    First off, peace out to LAMAR HUNT. Old boy was part of the O.G. NFL Illuminati and he even coined the term ‘Super Bowl’. Plus, how gully is the name LAMAR for a white?

    Yes, yes, y’all. This is what you came here for – crunch time. There are only three weeks left to play in the football season and the pool is starting to tighten up. Just try to imagine everyone within three points of each other for week 17?!? A lot of y’all will be going against your so called favorites on that week. Maybe even AMADEO.

    This internets thing has your boy going crazier than Gnarls Barkley over here, plus my lady is starting to throw me shade because I am hugged up on the laptop more than her lap top. Somethings going to have to give. It may be time for an intervention or some shit. The one guy I was gonna turn to to get me out of the house and on the handball court turns out to be a webhead too. LM, thanks as always for the support. It will kind of suck if you win the football pool since you have given me so much money for DP Dot Com projects. By the way, at the end of football season we will have a new contest called cRap Music Fantasy League. If you know anything about cRap music and/or you wan’t to stay connected to the site this will be the next jumpoff.

    This is no time to lose focus. You have these three weeks to come up in the game and win a pair of custom DP Dot Com NIKE I.D. shoes. These joints aren’t even available on the internets. I am having them designed at a special lab in lower Manhattan. Exclusive leathers in the colors of your favorite team or of your choosing. It’s going down like that for whoever wins this pool.

    ***Heavy Roller Allowances are still in effect***
    ESBEE (+5) per pick
    JESSE (+4) per pick
    J trademeark(+3) per pick
    Everybody else (+1) per pick

    ***The first pool game this weekend is on Saturday night. Don’t sleep because you will be slipping.***

    CHEA!

    DALLAS COWBOYS @ ATLANTA FALCONS
    RON MEXICO meets ROMO. Atlanta better have on some protection.

    JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS @ TENNESSEE TITANS
    VINCE YOUNG has got a whole lot of people looking even dumber than they claim he was.

    MIAMI DOLPHINS @ BUFFALO BILLS
    The ‘Fins are typically 0 for December.

    NEW YORK JETS @ MINNESOTA VIKINGS
    Jets should rebound from last week’s debacle. I like saying the word debacle.

    WASHINGTON REDSKINS @ NEW ORLEANS
    I hate you JOE GIBBS, but if you win this one for me…

    PITTSBURGH STEELERS @ CAROLINA PANTHERS
    Back to Hell RAE CARRUTH.

    PHILADELPHIA EAGLES @ NEW YORK GIANTS
    JEFF GAYCIA and MICHAEL GAYHANDS meet up after the game at the Stonewall Inn. Don’t even ask me how I know to say that.

    BONUS POINTS * HEAVY ROLLER * BONUS POINTS

    Who has the most passing yards this weekend?
    BRETT FAVRE or DREW BREES?

    Who records the most sacks this weekend?
    JASON TAYLOR or JULIUS PEPPERS?

    Will KANSAS CITY win one for the Gipper?
    YES or NO

    Total combined score for TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS @ CHICAGO BEARS
    OVER or UNDER 37 pts

    Posted in C.R.E.A.M., Fashion Faux Pas, Sneaker Fiends United, Sports are Gay, The Addict | 21 Comments »

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