MISS AMERICA FOREVER! (ReMix)

February 1st, 2006

MISS AMERICA

Editor’s note: The website staff will all be at the WU-TANG concert on ValenTIME’s Day so there won’t be any posts on the day of the year that we are commercially allowed to show love. Here’s another throwback post for all of you lovers who like to get a ‘head’ start on things.

How many of us are fortunate enough to still have their ‘first LOVE’ close to them? I am friends with a married couple that were high school sweethearts. These two will most surely grow old together because they have the formula that keeps that ‘new car smell’ on their LOVE. Even though I am not married I am still in close contact with my first LOVE.

Every year for over twenty years, on Valentine’s Day I pay her a special visit. She inspires me because of her strength, beauty and her steadfast determination. I don’t know too many people that could have withstood the pressure that she faced. She was my first LOVE and she will forever be my MISS AMERICA.

Posted in Ghetto Celebs, Lust = Love, When I Reminisce... | 4 Comments »

R.I.P. DIRT McGIRT (ReMix)

January 31st, 2006

R.I.P. Big Baby Jesus
Editor’s Note: This post was originally issued as an e-mail blast after the tragic death of RUSSELL T. JONES a/k/a OL’ DIRTY BASTARD. The WU-TANG Collective gathers at the Hammerstein Ballroom in N.Y.C. to celebrate the life and legacy of O.D.B. on February 14, 2006. Peace to OL’ DIRTY. Peace to the WU.

I never got a chance to really open up and show my love to BIG BABY JESUS(OL’ DIRTY). Next to GHOSTFACE, I felt the soundtrack to his life the most. There is so much mental energy that we Black men exert on an everyday basis just to keep from going crazy. The socio-political-economic system that we live under acts like water running down a drain and we struggle daily not to go under. Not that anyone out here has it particularly easy(white included) because when your taxes aren’t paid on time, Uncle Sam will come to your door to get his regardless of your last name. Your last name only determines if he will ring the doorbell or kick in the door.

I should prah’lee give thanks to the WU real quick also. The WU-TANG clan illustrated the diaspora that is the Black Man. The members were individually talented and collectively invincible. Not since PUBLIC ENEMY has there been a group as diversely and intelligently orchestrated. Each member of the clan used their particular style to imprint and transform rap music. The term ‘ice’ belonged to the WU. If you don’t believe me please go copp RAEKWON’s ultra-classic first album also featuring GHOSTFACE KILLAH.

Without the WU-TANG CLAN who could we look for to express Black male unity? The 1980’s wannabe crack dealing reminscent DIPLOMATS? STATE PROPERTY? Isn’t ‘State Property’ the term used for incarcerated slave labor?!? The Gay Unit, oops, I meant to say G-UNIT.

Well all I got to say is one thing to say. ‘Shimmy Shimmy Y’all’. WU-TANG FOREVER!

Posted in Crappers, Ghetto Celebs, T.O.N.Y., When I Reminisce... | 4 Comments »

Celebrate white History Month (ReMix)

January 30th, 2006

dallaspenn.com is for the children
Editors’ note: I have been lazy as all hell this week, but please enjoy this blast from the past...

My boy Tee has criticized me for being to Black-centric in these weblogs. I have tried to explain to him that I am not a racist and that I have friends that are white. My pest exterminator is white, my accountant is white, my doctor is white, hell, my favorite deejays are white dudes. Well, actually they’re both jewish, which is only considered as white to Blacks. Nazis and Klansmen won’t consider them white and this confuses me somewhat as to what exactly is white. I have an idea and I am hoping that you all will support me in this endeavor.

I propose a WHITE HISTORY MONTH where we can learn about all things really white. I want to relinquish February to WHITE HISTORY MONTH because I think that it has all the features that will prove a suitable host month for the celebration. February is cold as shit and I have seen white jogging around London in shorts during this month. February also gets a lot of snow and I think that is a perfect backdrop for celebrating whiteness. Now I understand that the February month is also the shortest month of the year and I wouldn’t want white to feel somehow shortchanged by the brevity. So we can eventually switch WHITE HISTORY MONTH to January or March once they have enough people to put on posters for their humanitarian achievements. I have already filed the necessary paperwork to formally switch BLACK HISTORY MONTH to August. It’s currently called HARLEM WEEK.

Posted in Black Bullshit, Social Upheaval | No Comments »

The INTERN Scrapes Madddd Tail

January 30th, 2006

the new juicy

Every time I go out with The INTERN (no brokeback) I am amazed with all the young women that he knows. The INTERN isn’t a pimp, but he has got some serious pimp hand that he uses on the lee low.

He knows how much I love the smell of the ‘other’ white meat so he took me to a party in Manhattan.

MySpace.com is where he gets all his young sweet poon from. I remember MySpace dropping about two years ago when I was just getting into Friendster. KING TEE told me to get up on it but I couldn’t see myself committing to managing another BlackPlanet-esque webpage.

Little did I know how MySpace was about to blow up. The folks at MySpace saw how popular networking sites like Friendster were and they upgraded the interface to allow for more random profile browsing. MySpace became the ‘hood-friendly Friendster. The network on my space is free flowing and laid back too. I just love the white chicks that can bounce to the Hip-Hop. MySpace has got tons of ’em. Here is a picture of The INTERN getting his mack on with a couple of sexies…

The INTERN getting his mack on

bootleg Angelina on the right

MySpace even has some sexy Mexicans up on there.

mami chulas

With MySpace in my life I may not have to masturbate as much this winter.

Awwww, who am I kiddin’?!?

Posted in Black Bullshit, Ghetto Celebs, Lust = Love, T.O.N.Y. | 6 Comments »

HAITIAN Immigrants Are Still the GULLIEST!

January 30th, 2006

c'est pase?!?

We all agreed last year that Haitians were way more gully than Jamaicans.

rock, paper, scissors

When your shit is so f’rucked up that you have to resort to kidnapping nuns you have lost all hope. Have you seen what the average nun looks like? Who’s gonna give you a reward for a haggardly piece of poon?

ouch

I feel the Haiti peoples pain too because the story is always the same with whoever sits in their presidential palace. Sooner or later the electric bill doesn’t get paid and then everyone finds out that the politicians were corrupt. So why doesn’t the Dominican Republic of Mexico have to deal with this same unrest? The only pictures that I get from D.R.M. are of 16year old chambermaids right after they’ve ‘cleaned’ the room (NSFW).

The D.R.M. has realized one thing that is inherent in human nature. The need to congregate and commune. The clothing sweatshops set up in the Dominican Republic of Mexico fulfill these needs. The sweatshops in the D.R.M. allow the exploited populus a place to congregate outside of their respective shantys. The factories are more comortable and the lighting is better. So what if you have to work a 14hr. shift, that is just more time to gossip with your cousin MARYLIS.

This is what the Haiti people need to make them as happy as their Dominican Mexican cousins… more sweatshops. This way the Haitians can whistle while they work.

the whistle song

Posted in Black Bullshit, C.R.E.A.M., Social Upheaval | 5 Comments »

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