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The big hip-hop story of the day is another crapper has been shot. Why go to Iraq when you can express yourself right here stateside and at least we have indoor plumbing. BEANIE SIEGAL was on his way to have his jewelry cleaned this morning when a man with a beard (real talk: ‘ay nigga in Philly has a beard, not every, ‘AY NIGGA!) shot him twice in the arm. BEANS was able to drive himself to the hospital where he is said to be recovering from his wounds.

The big question I am going to ask anyone reading this crappy site is, “Who the fuck cares?!?”

Do you care Philadelphia?

Do you care Kansas City?

Do you care Detroit?

Do you care Houston?

Do you care Oakland?

We live in a country where there are more than 20,000 deaths annually from guns. By the end of the year, crappers and their weedcarriers will amount to a very small fraction of the loss in human life. Arguably, they are also the most expendable, especially if everybody is going to rhyme like JAY-Z. But for the other 20,000+ unlucky fucks and their families there won’t be any ‘Stop the Violence’ records.

Where is the national leadership on this issue? I mean, like, real elected leaders and not just the community activists. New York’s liberal Senators should be raising their arms(pun intended) over this issue. How about that halfrican jig Senator from Chi-Town? This moral issue should be able to make him reappear. Let the owners of Smith & Wesson answer the question what purpose do handguns serve other than to kill people?

I hate to be the one to say that I told you so even though I’m sure that I told you so on several occasions. Haitians are simply the gulliest nationality next to the Palestinians. As a matter of fact, Haitians are even more gully, because they have less reasons to be upset. Sure the Palestinians and the Haitians are both poor, downtrodden people, but at least the Haitians don’t have to dodge heavy artillery shells when they go to the beach. The Haitians should be more relaxed than the Palestinians, but they’re far from relaxed. Now this news comes in that Haitians were part of the plan to destroy the Sears Tower?!?

The first thing I am going to say is thank GOD it was the Haitians and NOT the Hindus. The Hindu people are real sticklers for time and precision. That’s why so many Hindus work as engineers for all the different government agencies. They are methodical as all hell, but when the clock strikes 4.30pm they get their arses up from their curry fart festooned chairs and high tail it out the door. Hindus could be dangerous, but only during working hours. If you have ever been downwind of one of them after lunchtime then you get my drift.

Haitians are pretty dangerous too, but mostly to themselves. I have heard stories about Haitian men severing the arms of their cousins because someone didn’t want to relinquish control of the television remote. What I didn’t realize is that the remote control was for the village’s only television. That’s the problem with Haitians. They take shit way too seriously. My understanding is that this plot to destroy the Sears Tower came during a celebration for the Heat’s NBA championship victory.

When someone alluded to MICHAEL JORDAN still being a better player than DWYANE WADE it angered the Heat’s Haitian constituency and that’s when they decided that in order for DWYANE WADE to ascend to the pinnacle of the NBA hierarchy they would have to destroy all the symbols of the Chicago Bulls dynasty. Except nobody told these dudes that the Sears Tower wasn’t built in honor of JORDAN and his marketing deal with Hanes underwear, sold excluively at Sears’ retailers. What a clusterfuck we have now for all the well-educated, hard working Haitians in this country just trying to live the American Dream.

Well, at least the country is safe now from the threat of some wacky right-wing religious zealot Haitians. There’s even some good news for the website. We have a new ‘Seperated At Birth’ graphic.

If you can’t understand the post title then you need to brush up on your Jig Words.

No matter what wild nonsense the American Negro can manufacture it is still a far cry from the utter madness that your average bootyscratcher is accustomed to. From infant AIDS to diamond trade dismemberment to genital mutilation(ouch) you are lucky to even make it to your sweet sixteen if you live on the dark continent. Speaking of sweet, your azz will be working in the cocoa fields if you still have all of your limbs.

So nothing really surprises me when I see news out of Africa. Let’s see how many of you are amazed…

A Somalian teenager is allowed to publicly execute the man that killed his father. Doesn’t this remind you of all those old school kung fu flicks with the horrible audio dubbing??? “You… kill my father… now… I keel you! Waaaaaah!”

I smell a new boogieman nation in Darfur. Twenty years from now we will be sending U.S. troops into Khartoum to remove the despotic president because he has WMD’s. Look up the history of Turtleneck president SADDAM HUSSEIN, former U.S. ally.

What would you call the synergistic irony of a hanging chad in Chad? Would that cause a ripple in the time-space continuum that allows me to travel backwards in time to smack the shit out of Mohamar Khadafi? You know it’s hard out here on a former colony trying to establish sovereignty.

I use this website to pitch a bitch and rail about a whole lot of issues that are fucked the fuck up, but nothing in my life compares to the apartheid regime that many South Africans lived through. Forget about Destiny’s Child, them folks are the real survivors.