Archive for the ‘BeYONCE’s Hair’ Category

DALLASPENN.COM: From Ashy To Classy

Saturday, July 29th, 2006

H.A.M.

I have to thank everyone that has helped me to make this month one of the greatest times of my personal journey on this planet. I’m approaching my breakthough steadily and vey determinedly. I feel like visiting my therapist stat just to tell her my good news, but as my old Earth has always warned me, “Don’t jump the gun.” I have to curtail my anxiety lest my impatience overtake my progress and promote a setback. I have a lot of work to do in a very small window of time. I hope that you will stay around to watch the process.

moeshamuppet

I need to bid a warm welcome to all of the first time viewers that have found this blog via the Ghetto Big Mac video that was produced by RAFI @ Oh Word! and myself. Even though we aren’t getting a plug nickel for producing the clip we still had a lot of fun making the video and you can expect to see some more ‘instructional’ video clips by us in the near future. Here at DALLASPENN.COM we take a similiar irreverent tack to discussing relevant issues in and around the world. I’ve set up a few links to posts on this site that will familiarize you with our style of commentary. I assume that we all know to click the area of text that is highlighted in order to open the link. Anyhoo…

If you are a devoted Hip-Hop fan please click the link here and take a look at how rap music is closely related to the Star Wars universe.

It’s not just rap music that has been influenced by the Force, but also American politricks as well, particularly the BUSH Administration.

Star Wars is a lot of fun, but not so much when you consider all of the men and women in our armed forces that are essentially clone troopers stuck in a remote Tatooine desert surrounded by angry Sand People. Okay, enough Star Wars references.

cash rules everything around me

Here is a quick and handy guide to keeping score of the Middle East ‘Race to Allah’ tournament.

You do realize that listening to rap music now only requires the intellect of a six year old?

kids

One of my favorite features on this site was the Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling contest. Imagine for a moment if you would, mashing the television shows ‘America’s Next Top Model’ and ‘America’s Most Wanted’…

MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 2)
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 3)
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 4)
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS: THE FINALS

Even though the roundball season has recently climaxed it’s easy to look back on some of the season’s lighter moments. The NBA Tight Pants series pays homage to a time when there were several many balls visible on a pro basketball court. No ‘Juwanna Man’ to these posts.

NBA TIGHT PANTS G.O.A.T. SCORER
NBA TIGHT PANTS ALL-STAR GAME
NBA GULLY TIGHT PANTS ALL-STAR MVP
NBA TIGHT PANTS SLAM DUNK CHAMPION

kids

The website isn’t always about jokes because we live in a world where real things happen to real people on a daily basis. We wish that education was as much of a priority for politicians as demonizing the disenfranchised seems to be. Early this year a young girl named NIXZMARY BROWN was killed and the mainstream media erected one of their temporary wailing walls.

Since I’m just a high school dropout I don’t pretend to have all of the answers, but I’m not afraid to ask the tough questions, and when I don’t have a clue I know that I can rely on one the people on this list to help straighten me out.

Taking life one day at a time has been made measurably more easy for me becaue of the friends I have met on the blogosphere. There is a wonderful collective brain that exists on the internets. It is passionately frivolous, liberally conservative, emotionally available and just plain reeederkuloss. I hope that I never lose my cyberspace Brigadoon. There is no way in my mind that I could create all of the imaginary friends on my link list.

lawd h.a.m. mercy

Queen Of The C-List Scene

Friday, July 28th, 2006

wendy

The big homie over at Nah’Right is ready to put his shoe on radio talk show host and transvestite impersonator WENDY WILLIAMS because she is putting Method Man’s business all out in the streets. Let’s hope ESKAY doesn’t get all Doctor Dre DEE BARNES out this piece because he is gonna have a tough time posting bail since he doesn’t produce hit records.

WENDY WILLIAMS is an interesting animal. She was a super popular radio host early in her career in the New York City market until she fucked with PUFF something like the wrong way. It seems that WENDY knew a little too much about PUFF’s extra-cirriculars around town and she was a little too loose with her mouthpiece. The T.I.’s that were propping up PUFF had WENDY sent to purgatory (read: Philadelphia).

She’s been back in New York City now for several years and I can’t say that I’ve heard her say any slick shit about the King of all Jigs. But don’t get it twisted, WENDY does talk that slick shit on the regular. She routinely pisses off has-been artists like BOBBY BROWN and career C-listers like TYSON BECKFORD. I give her credit that no one has tried to run up on her and get hardbody although WENDY does look like she can handle almost any broad that comes her way and even some men, like say a PHARRELL or a LIL’ WAYNE.

True to her eternal C-list status WENDY is now the spokesperson for Alize liquer products. She knows that her listening audience consists mainly of civil servants and transit workers and those are just the type of people that consider Alize Blue a classy beverage. How You doin’ WENDY?!?

wendy

START SNITCHING Is My Hero

Tuesday, July 25th, 2006

balloon love

It’s one of those hazy summer nights and the internets just made it that much hotter. My brother from another mother(and father, I hope), The Human Resource, has just given me the key to many lonely nights enjoyment – The URL’s for all the contestants of this years’ global ho pageant. Miss World, Miss Universe, whatever. These are the types of ho’s that CRIS CARTER needs to eff with. START SNITCHING is a good thing, we should all be doing it.

I have already decided which chicks I will be doing on a nightly basis.

Miss Costa Rica
Miss Philipines
Miss Venezuela (CHAVEZ, you lucky bastard)

The only B.M. out of the entire pageant was Miss Ethiopia. All these other bitches were hot to death, but they were all too Eurocentric looking. For heaven’s sake, just look at Miss Jamaica!

Shout goes out to Miss Turks & Caicos. Shorty is only 5ft.3in. so you know that booty is a bang-banger.

Happy Berfday to J-E-L-L-O

Monday, July 24th, 2006

j_e_l_l_o

I DID DRINK THE KOOL-AID!

Thursday, July 13th, 2006

kool aid

I admit it. I was one of those cats that drunk the Kool-Aid. Red was my favorite flavor.

So now drinking the Kool-Aid has a different conotation. To me it means whether or not I choose to believe the information that mainstream media tells me is important to believe. I am not sure how I became connected to the Viacom-glomerate that controls popular culture with an iron fist. Entertainment has become news as politics have become entertainment. I hate to think that someone at MTV controls my life so much because they probably got their job on a family plan hookup. These are dangerous and curious times in our nation. We are guided by people that have little respect for knowledge. I suppose we could just keep drinking the Kool-Aid for the comfort that sugar gives our neurological system, or we could pour the Kool-Aid onto the ground and decide that we are ready to take back our minds and our lives.

paulweezle

PAUL WALL drinks the Kool-Aid. VH-1 sent me an e-mail that they are making a documentary about blood diamonds and Hip-Hop’s connection to the civil war in Sierra Leone. The film won’t be aired until early 2007 so I guess that gives me enough time to get my grills out of lay-a-way. Sorry MTVH-1, but you are about 1 day late and 1 millions lives short. I don’t believe you, you need more people. It’s disingenuous and borderline evil to insinuate that the civil war in Sierra Leone was caused by Hip-Hop cultures love for diamonds. The diamond trade didn’t begin with rap music and it will continue long after rap has gone the way of blues and jazz. If you really want to do something for the people you should create a documentary describing how supremacy keeps people in check. Use FLAVOR FLAV as the host of that show.

PAUL WALL and NIKKI ‘HOOPZ’ ALEXANDER are the most requested names for people that google this site. I consider quitting this blog shit everytime I review my stats.

There has been a recent spate of incarcerated felons having their convictions overturned due to the fact that they were innocent. In some cases the prosecutors withheld evidence or used faulty DNA samples or in most cases just locked up a nigger because of the convenience. The return of these people to their families is fucking up the economy. There are already enough young Black males in their teens and twenties that are unemployable. What the fuck are we going to do with a grizzled Black male in his forties or fifties?!? If you have spent more than twenty years in jail for a crime that you didn’t commit you should have to stay there until you die. It’s not the president’s fault that you got locked up and he shouldn’t have to help you and your family put your lives back together.

The President doesn’t lack a credibility problem because he’s rich. If he were a poor man then he would have to be a man of his word, but as a multi-billionaire he doesn’t have to do a damn thing. Tapping people’s phone calls, opening up personal bank records, publicly disclosing confidential information and lying about WMD’s are all good when you have more money than GOD.

JAY-Z and BeYONCE will finally announce their break up with the release of BeYONCE’s second single, ‘Why You Treat Me So Bad’.

Note to self: Cancel vacation plans to Jerusalem

I am a beast when I’m drunk, but could you imagine trying to corral a drunken JACKIE CHAN? That motherfucker can climb walls like Spiderman.

Rest easy jig readers, your voting franchise will be renewed for another 25 years. Although, since you haven’t voted once as yet I don’t see why you should even care. Just keep on enjoying the Kool-Aid.

kool aid