Archive for the ‘Jig Lit Review’ Category

LIFESTYLES OF THE BROKE AND ANONYMOUS

Monday, July 31st, 2006

finders

I hate the New York Times, but I have to read the New York Times in order to know what white is cooking up for my azz in the near future. The New York Times honors the age old tradition of faux liberal, closet conservative propaganda machines by using fancy new terms to describe the conditions of poverty and disenfranchisement.

All across America it seems that urban centers are no longer places where traditional middle class families can exist. The center city has become a playground for the wealthy while the poorest remain to serve them. If you look at any third world country’s economic infrastructure you can see this same dynamic. The educated and skilled people that would be a legitimate middle class find that the country is not economically viable to sustain them so they emigrate (usually to the U.S.). Do you know how many people here are working in menial jobs but hold graduate degrees and professional licenses in other countries? I think about the African woman working as a health care aid in America who is a doctor when she is back in Ghana. Or the Indian man who goes from being an engineer to a taxicab driver once he comes to America.

The Times recently published this article titled ‘Cities Shed Middle Class, and Are Richer and Poorer for It’. The article describes the vanishing of a residential middle class component from the large urban centers. It instead opines that the middle class have not been pushed out or priced out from these cities but have decided to relocate to the suburbs. GETTHEFUCKOUTTAHERE!?! No one considers a two-way two hour commute as a trade up on their quality of life. I realize that I have been priced out of my city by the greedy land owning developers who have used the media to advertise NYC as some magical playground where stylishly dressed white women walk the streets at all hours.

(note to readers: Don’t drink the Kool-Aid. It’s still NYC, and if you get caught lunchin’…)

(add’l note to readers: Even though almost 50yr old SARAH JESSICA PARKER is married to the coolest white of all-time, Ferris Bueller, she still doesn’t rate as a M.I.L.F.)

Before I get too off topic let me tell you what caused me to nearly jump out of the window. In the first linked Times article, the writer quotes W. MICHAEL COX, the chief economist of the Federal Reserve Bank in Dallas…

“Firefighters who want to live in high-priced cities can work two jobs. I think it’s great, because it gives you portfolio diversification in your income.”

WTWTF?!? It would have to be a BUSH Administration appointee who is so out of touch with reality that he thinks a firefighter should work two jobs because the real estate costs are too accelerated for him to afford to live on just a firefighters salary.

At some point we are just going to have to ‘Eat The Rich

DALLASPENN.COM: From Ashy To Classy

Saturday, July 29th, 2006

H.A.M.

I have to thank everyone that has helped me to make this month one of the greatest times of my personal journey on this planet. I’m approaching my breakthough steadily and vey determinedly. I feel like visiting my therapist stat just to tell her my good news, but as my old Earth has always warned me, “Don’t jump the gun.” I have to curtail my anxiety lest my impatience overtake my progress and promote a setback. I have a lot of work to do in a very small window of time. I hope that you will stay around to watch the process.

moeshamuppet

I need to bid a warm welcome to all of the first time viewers that have found this blog via the Ghetto Big Mac video that was produced by RAFI @ Oh Word! and myself. Even though we aren’t getting a plug nickel for producing the clip we still had a lot of fun making the video and you can expect to see some more ‘instructional’ video clips by us in the near future. Here at DALLASPENN.COM we take a similiar irreverent tack to discussing relevant issues in and around the world. I’ve set up a few links to posts on this site that will familiarize you with our style of commentary. I assume that we all know to click the area of text that is highlighted in order to open the link. Anyhoo…

If you are a devoted Hip-Hop fan please click the link here and take a look at how rap music is closely related to the Star Wars universe.

It’s not just rap music that has been influenced by the Force, but also American politricks as well, particularly the BUSH Administration.

Star Wars is a lot of fun, but not so much when you consider all of the men and women in our armed forces that are essentially clone troopers stuck in a remote Tatooine desert surrounded by angry Sand People. Okay, enough Star Wars references.

cash rules everything around me

Here is a quick and handy guide to keeping score of the Middle East ‘Race to Allah’ tournament.

You do realize that listening to rap music now only requires the intellect of a six year old?

kids

One of my favorite features on this site was the Mugshot Hairstyle Modeling contest. Imagine for a moment if you would, mashing the television shows ‘America’s Next Top Model’ and ‘America’s Most Wanted’…

MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 2)
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 3)
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS (week 4)
MUGSHOT HAIRSTYLE MODELS: THE FINALS

Even though the roundball season has recently climaxed it’s easy to look back on some of the season’s lighter moments. The NBA Tight Pants series pays homage to a time when there were several many balls visible on a pro basketball court. No ‘Juwanna Man’ to these posts.

NBA TIGHT PANTS G.O.A.T. SCORER
NBA TIGHT PANTS ALL-STAR GAME
NBA GULLY TIGHT PANTS ALL-STAR MVP
NBA TIGHT PANTS SLAM DUNK CHAMPION

kids

The website isn’t always about jokes because we live in a world where real things happen to real people on a daily basis. We wish that education was as much of a priority for politicians as demonizing the disenfranchised seems to be. Early this year a young girl named NIXZMARY BROWN was killed and the mainstream media erected one of their temporary wailing walls.

Since I’m just a high school dropout I don’t pretend to have all of the answers, but I’m not afraid to ask the tough questions, and when I don’t have a clue I know that I can rely on one the people on this list to help straighten me out.

Taking life one day at a time has been made measurably more easy for me becaue of the friends I have met on the blogosphere. There is a wonderful collective brain that exists on the internets. It is passionately frivolous, liberally conservative, emotionally available and just plain reeederkuloss. I hope that I never lose my cyberspace Brigadoon. There is no way in my mind that I could create all of the imaginary friends on my link list.

lawd h.a.m. mercy

SUOZZI = SWAYZE

Tuesday, July 25th, 2006

the suozz

Or… They Don’t Believe You, You Need More People.

My update on the New York politricks scene shifts back to the gubernatorial race which has become a one-horse show for all intensive purposes. THOMAS SUOZZI, the Nassau County Executive is being outmuscled by the NY State Attorney General like the Hulk crushes a bag of Doritos. ELIOT SPITZER, the NYSAG, started the race with a lead in hand and in the best framing of any political contest he has never looked backward. There is a debate scheduled for tonight, but my azz will be listening to quality rap music inside Fort Greene. Let me know if anyone hears a tree falls inside of the forest.

Poor TOM, he’s a good dude, but overcoming that Long Island lisp was a far too daunting task for him. He needed to fix that speech flaw in order to win the voters upstate that see him as child of privilege, out of touch with the common man. Forget the fact that most voters think that the Attorney General actually prosecutes criminals like some kind of super crime fighter for the state. I’m surprised that TOM didn’t call on his fairy godmother. The lesbian voting bloc is steady freddie come primary time.

the suozz and glenda

Yeah, this one looks like a wrap right about now. For us over here at DP dot com the sad part of all of this was that Governor SPITZER didn’t even need to take us up on our offer to procure the mythical ‘Black Vote’ for his campaign.

Crap Music Is Making You Stupiderer…

Thursday, July 20th, 2006

iron mike

More hard evidence that rap music is making you dumber than you already were…

KING TEE from StapleCrops Studios posited a great question to me the other afternoon. He asked me if I thought that popular rap music was less intelligent now then say, 15 years ago. From the onset when I look at songs like ‘Laffy Taffy’ and acts like the Black Eyed Peas I think that this is a no-brainer question, but how do I answer this query based on empirical knowledge without any of the emotional baggage?

Very simply. I will study two factors that lend themselves to intelligent discussion, word count and number of polysyllabic words used. I think we can all agree that the breadth of someone’s vocabulary is a good measure to their relative intelligence which in turn correlates to other areas like their understanding of the world around them. Why is intelligence important you might ask? cRappers have become the de facto statesmen for a generation of people (mostly coloreds). If you are to trust these people to express your issues wouldn’t you want someone that has the most knowledge to represent you? After this exercise is complete we will know who we should listen to if anyone at all.

Let’s try an example…

D4L – ‘Laffy Taffy’
word count = 392 (including ‘dis’ 6x and ‘dat’ 5x)
polysyllabic words (3+ sylable) = 4 (longest = motherfuckin’)

BIG DADDY KANE – ‘Raw’
word count = 670
polysyllabic words (3+ sylable) = 22 (longest = tie: perpetrating, fascinating, entertaining)

O.K., that was pretty obvious from jumpstreet. Southern rap music doesn’t pretend to be any more elevated than slavespeak. Let’s go deeper into the rap music matrix to see who matches up when true lyricists are considered…

JAY-Z – ‘Can’t Knock The Hustle’
word count = 437 (barely more than ‘Laffy Taffy’)
polysyllabic words = 10 (longest = entertainment)

NAS – ‘N.Y. State Of Mind’
word count = 730
polysyllabic words = 20 (longest = tie: composition, information, investments, equivalent)

RAKIM ALLAH – ‘Microphone Fiend’
word count = 550
polysyllabic words = 40 (longest = hypochondriac)

Imagine for a moment if you will the amount of ideas that RAKIM would have conveyed if he had used as many words as NAS. It’s clearly evident the less that you know and express lyrically has an inverse relationship to your popularity. EMINEM might be the anomaly to this experiment, but I leave that for you kids to examine for yourselves.

I DID DRINK THE KOOL-AID!

Thursday, July 13th, 2006

kool aid

I admit it. I was one of those cats that drunk the Kool-Aid. Red was my favorite flavor.

So now drinking the Kool-Aid has a different conotation. To me it means whether or not I choose to believe the information that mainstream media tells me is important to believe. I am not sure how I became connected to the Viacom-glomerate that controls popular culture with an iron fist. Entertainment has become news as politics have become entertainment. I hate to think that someone at MTV controls my life so much because they probably got their job on a family plan hookup. These are dangerous and curious times in our nation. We are guided by people that have little respect for knowledge. I suppose we could just keep drinking the Kool-Aid for the comfort that sugar gives our neurological system, or we could pour the Kool-Aid onto the ground and decide that we are ready to take back our minds and our lives.

paulweezle

PAUL WALL drinks the Kool-Aid. VH-1 sent me an e-mail that they are making a documentary about blood diamonds and Hip-Hop’s connection to the civil war in Sierra Leone. The film won’t be aired until early 2007 so I guess that gives me enough time to get my grills out of lay-a-way. Sorry MTVH-1, but you are about 1 day late and 1 millions lives short. I don’t believe you, you need more people. It’s disingenuous and borderline evil to insinuate that the civil war in Sierra Leone was caused by Hip-Hop cultures love for diamonds. The diamond trade didn’t begin with rap music and it will continue long after rap has gone the way of blues and jazz. If you really want to do something for the people you should create a documentary describing how supremacy keeps people in check. Use FLAVOR FLAV as the host of that show.

PAUL WALL and NIKKI ‘HOOPZ’ ALEXANDER are the most requested names for people that google this site. I consider quitting this blog shit everytime I review my stats.

There has been a recent spate of incarcerated felons having their convictions overturned due to the fact that they were innocent. In some cases the prosecutors withheld evidence or used faulty DNA samples or in most cases just locked up a nigger because of the convenience. The return of these people to their families is fucking up the economy. There are already enough young Black males in their teens and twenties that are unemployable. What the fuck are we going to do with a grizzled Black male in his forties or fifties?!? If you have spent more than twenty years in jail for a crime that you didn’t commit you should have to stay there until you die. It’s not the president’s fault that you got locked up and he shouldn’t have to help you and your family put your lives back together.

The President doesn’t lack a credibility problem because he’s rich. If he were a poor man then he would have to be a man of his word, but as a multi-billionaire he doesn’t have to do a damn thing. Tapping people’s phone calls, opening up personal bank records, publicly disclosing confidential information and lying about WMD’s are all good when you have more money than GOD.

JAY-Z and BeYONCE will finally announce their break up with the release of BeYONCE’s second single, ‘Why You Treat Me So Bad’.

Note to self: Cancel vacation plans to Jerusalem

I am a beast when I’m drunk, but could you imagine trying to corral a drunken JACKIE CHAN? That motherfucker can climb walls like Spiderman.

Rest easy jig readers, your voting franchise will be renewed for another 25 years. Although, since you haven’t voted once as yet I don’t see why you should even care. Just keep on enjoying the Kool-Aid.

kool aid